as soon as...

I never realized graduating college would be so stressful.

I'm done with Furman (minus the housing fine they kindly sent my way tonight... for $100 I clearly do not have right now... which makes me want to go take $100 worth of free paper from the library and walk out the door...). It's stressful. I'm realizing that the real world is.. real. And scary. And that it works on a timeline that will be incredibly inconvenient. Always.

I have yet to go home to Charleston, yet it feels like I still have a mile-high to-do list in Greenville. I'm working two jobs from home right now... which feels insane. I think I'd rather have an office, so I can leave the work there. I do better when I can compartmentalize. And unpack. -- neither of which I have done.

It's been so good to see Cory, but life has been a bit interesting lately. His job situation is insane, and mine is incredibly unflexible. We're really lucky we have each other. Even in the stressful times, I realize even more how lucky we are. We've both got a lot of transitions going on at the moment, but I know it will all be okay. We've got each other, and thats more than I could ever ask for. Prayers, please. Lots of prayers.

I'm just so overwhelmed.

I keep saying "as soon as." It started at the beginning of this year, really. "As soon as this term is over, I'll underload." "As soon as I'm done submitting my proposal, it will all be fine!" "As soon as I go to Chicago, the real work will be done!" "As soon as I graduate, Furman stress will be over." "As soon as I find an apartment..." "As soon as this grant is submitted..." "As soon as camp starts..." "As soon as I move..." "As soon as this first term is over..."

I found myself saying today, "As soon as we're married..."

Right, Bridge. :) Clearly I'm wishing away far too many moments.

I hate living in the "as soon as"es, because it makes it feel like life is not good enough in the moment, you know? And it is... it totally is. I have so many wonderful things to be grateful for.

Maybe if I list them in my head, it'll be like counting sheep... and I'll be able to sleep.... :)