Thursday, July 31, 2008

skinned knees and camper love

Thursday has come very quickly -- we have an afternoon of swimming and dinner prep ahead, then talent show... and tomorrow everyone goes home!

The staff is all at Pizza Inn right now celebrating with the camper workers, but I decided not to go... I want the counselors and CWs to celebrate their summer, and I haven't been there... as much as I wanted to be. And there's the neverending camp drama that I'd rather stay far, far away from. I told the CWs that they are going to celebrate their hard work, and I haven't been working hard enough :) Besides, I needed e-mail and coffee and a break from what has turned out to be quite an intense week at camp.

Watermelon had to go to the emergency room yesterday for stitches -- I went with. He was a trooper, but I can tell he's still in pain. I had busted on the sidewalk earlier (quite an impressive rasberry on my knee -- it's swolen and very yucky today), so I joked with him that he needed to stop trying to one-up me. It's getting dangerous ;)

Camp has been really good, though. I've got to spend a lot of time with the "fringe campers" -- the guys that come out and do their own thing, don't need a lot of one-on-one attention, who tend to lay low. It's been so good to catch up with old friends and make some new buddies, too. I just really love this place.

I can't wait to come back next summer :) Another good reason to go to grad school -- no summer job search (yet).

The switch from Nashville to camp has been really abrupt, and I'm still catching my breath. One day I'm in honkey-tonk bars, dancing with my lovely roommates to Dierks Bently and dealing with sketchy townies.. and now I'm in a cabin in the woods, adjusting to the (always dramatic) camp scene.

It's wonderful being around Cory, but we're not very PDAish -- especially at camp -- and we have each had a visit to the ER this week with campers, so we've been busy. So it's a big tease -- I get to see him, but we really haven't even caught up yet. This weekend will be really nice.

Unless he wears the shorts he wore yesterday. Jorts. Short (barely legal) jean shorts... pockets over the edge. Dealbreakers, really.

Okay, back to camp. Last night before life (sort of) gets back to normal!

:)

late car rides, mice, camp, life..

July 29, 2008

Back from Nashville, on to camp.

The ride back was surreal; I didn’t feel dramatic or teary, I just hurt a little bit. I prepared a list of the best bar songs I heard downtown to play on the (late night) ride to camp. So as I jammed to tune after tune, I thought about the fun I had while I listened to them live. And it was wonderful. Good memories.

Every mile a memory…

Camp has been good. I didn’t get to sleep until super late (got into camp at 2am), and I woke up to hear a really strange noise in my cabin around 4am. I am in the cook’s cabin by myself, so it was pitch black… and I heard a clicking noise coming from the bathroom, as if someone was walking in heels on the floor. I tried to ignore it, thinking the noise was from bad pipes or something, But the noise got closer… and it was awful. One of those “I think a raccoon is in my room and about to jump on my bed” moments. The noise stopped for a second, so I turned on the light..

… to find a mouse. On my floor. Dragging rat poison around the cabin (hence the clinking). So I shined a flashlight on him, and he scurried into the couch.

Gross.

So I didn’t sleep much. 3-4, 5-7… yucky. I got a short nap in today, but it was busy. Really busy. We had a lightning storm, so we lost power... right before dinner. So I helped make hundreds of philly cheesesteak sandwiches by flashlight. Mmm.

Haven’t seen Cory much yet, either. We ran errands during naptime, but the rest of the day has been pretty busy. He’s not here tonight, either -- a camper is in the hospital tonight due to seizures, so Cory volunteered to go. I know we will have plenty of time to catch up this week. It’s probably a good thing – I’m so tired from everything; I should go to bed early.

So rather than brave the rat noises again, I’m going to fall asleep watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days on my laptop. With a lamp on .

Being at camp the last week is kind of odd – I don’t want to destroy the comrodery that has been established, so I’m laying low, helping where I can, and spending as much time as possible with the campers I have spent my summer missing so dearly.

My walls are coming down, too. I’ve spent the summer working really hard to maintain professionalism… and I just don’t have to here. I can be goofy and dorky and nobody cares. I mean – people do. But they don’t really matter, now do they? These campers mean so much to me… and they don’t care. They prefer me not to be stuffy and serious 

So from camp… goodnight. I haven’t been this tired in a long time 

Monday, July 28, 2008

popsicles, convents, goodbyes...

Nothing like 300 nuns and 40 priests to kick off my last day in Nashville.

Sr. Gloria Christi took her first vows this morning. For sisters, this day is comparable to her wedding day... complete with flowers, cake, vows, and brides in white. And a lot of blasts from the past.

Our old youth ministers were there -- beaming, glowing, with their two (now very grown up) children that I used to babysit for when they were tiny. Molly was there with her baby. Joe and Jennifer had gotten married and had a child. Oh, and Christy couldn't come because she is 8 months pregnant and couldn't travel.

Did I mention the former Katie V., Katie W., and Rebecca were all in their habits? Mm and Jason (seminarian) and Fr. Kirby and Msgr. Mac and all of the sisters I remembered from high school back when I really, really thought I was supposed to join their order.

It was like a high school youth group reunion... with babies and habits. Lots of babies. Lots of habits. It was kind of strange to walk around the convent in heels with a baby on my hip and two sweet little girls next to me. I kept saying "I have very little to show for myself.. everyone else is married or with child or in a habit... I'm in my heels." Vocational adventure, for sure. :)

My heart is so filled with peace every time I walk through those doors. The Dominican in me comes out, my mind goes to rest... I want to be holier, I want to try harder. I want to be quiet and rest with the Lord. It's a beautiful, prayerful place.

This weekend has been really nice. Friday night at the Frist was super fun, and the roomies and I got to enjoy one more little adventure before I leave. Kyle came in on Saturday, and we've spent a lot of time catching up over popsicles and coffee and movies. He's not 21, so we've spent a lot of time relaxing and such.. which has been nice. I will be well-rested for my drive tonight.

I just have a few more things to put in my car... bedding, kitchen stuff, a laundry basket of odds and ends... and then roomies and Kyle and I are going to P.F. Chang's for dinner, I'm dropping him off at the airport, and I'm leaving for Greenville... at 8pm. I should be arriving at camp at 2:30-3am their time. And apparently, I'm helping cook this week. So I will be up early.

Nap time tomorrow.

I haven't even had time to realize that Cory and my long distance stint will be over in 9 hours or so... he just called and said something about "trouble shall be reunited again"... I'm ready. I've missed him.

Mmm Nashville. You've been good to me, and I will miss you... your popsicles, your Stage, your music, your life. I will miss your vibrant mornings and sleepy (and rare) rains. I will miss your nuns and your academics and your country-music-star-wannabees. You're a special place.

On to the next adventure...

Friday, July 25, 2008

last day at TRIAD :(

Today is my last day at TRIAD. I cannot say how valuable this experience has been.

I am also currently over-caffienated; after having two cups of tea with breakfast, my coworkers threw me a 10:30am party with a giant pot of Bongo Java coffee and a very yummy, sugary cake. And a card that almost made me cry.

So I'm emotional and chatty. Bad combination.

I just got out of a meeting with the researcher I have been working under all summer. We talked about my plans for graduate school, my strengths as an applicant... we talked about a lot of things. The most incredible part was that she was honest. Truly honest. And she actually said, "I look forward to having you as a colleague in this field."

As far as grad school goes, she advised against school psychology if I don't want to work in the schools forever and ever amen. While I could get certified as a psychologist, I would not be as competitive an applicant for non-school settings (hospitals, clinics, etc.). I asked if I should use school psychology as a "back up plan."

Why do you need a back-up plan?

Right, so no back up plan.

She gave me GRE scores to aim for, schools to contact, and the warning that my lack of research experience (even after this summer) may hold me back. If so, I won't get in first round. I will have to go work in a lab for a year wherever I want to go, then apply again. After that year, she said, I should have little trouble getting in. As long as my GRE scores are high enough.

In my caffienated mania, I have full intention of studying for the GRE like a madwoman.

The best part was -- she said they were impressed with me. I show the passion and the insight necessary to make it in this field. And she is probably one of the top researchers in this field -- her opinion matters a lot. Up until this point, I hadn't known what they thought about me. I have been doing as much as I can, but I wasn't sure if it would be enough. I am so overjoyed to know that I actually contributed to this team. I actually helped make this crazy thing happen. I stood out (at least a little bit) from the undergrad RAs they've had in the past.

The conversation was a GREAT way to end this summer experience.

This week has been crazy, too. I'm caffienated, tired, and happy. It's been very work hard, play hard. I like it like that :)

Tuesday was Al's birthday. Party trolley. Pink. Festive and fabulous... I never realized a party trolley could be so fun, but with good company, champagne, and a rather fun playlist, it was increidble. We danced as we drove through downtown and along the interstate, then went to yummy dinner at Rumba (a rum bar.. quite delicious) before driving back (and making a few stops along the way). Everyone needs to go on a party trolley at some point in life.

Wednesday was the Will Hoge concert outside at the Bellcourt. So fun. Although people in Nashville don't dance at concerts like people in Greenville.. and Will is definitely a dancey-band. He was so good, too... so good. And we had popsicles before the show, which was even BETTER. Afterwards, we stopped at Harris Teeter to get applejuice. Yep.

I had lunch yesterday with Molly, too, which was WONDERFUL... I have missed her a LOT, and it's been wonderful having her here this summer. We just relate really well.. we always have. It's nice to have a friendly face from the past back in my life.

Thursday was girls-night-out with the roomies :). I am going to miss them more than I can put into words -- Jessie is classy and goofy and hilarous, Gillian is spunky and sweet and spontaneous... we have a ball together. We went to Sunset Grille and split a bottle of wine (and I got these YUMMY smoked trout spring rolls with this vinegar mushroom thing.. it was so good), then went out with Gill's friend Amy to Broadway for one last trip to the Stage. My favorite. On Thursdays.

We made bets on whether the guitarist was in love with the sound woman and averted eyes as the lead singer kept coming over to us and making creepy eyebrow-lifting faces. OH, and we ran into some hard core frat boys from USC. They had their "GO COCKS!" hats on, so I asked them if they were in a frat and told them my boyfriend went there, etc. etc. They were loving Nasvhille. And letting everyone know. Pretty entertaining... I felt like I was at Five Points for a brief, shining moment.. and then I saw a handlebar mustache and came back to reality. Oh, Nashville.

The band was so good, though... and we danced and twirled and had a ball and .. ::sigh:: I'm going to miss the girls. A lot.

Tonight is Frist Friday -- this swanky band/appetizer/cocktail party every other Friday at the art museum. My roommate helps run it, so I'm excited to see where she works. Post-Frist, I will spend the rest of my evening doing laundry, cleaning, and packing before Kyle gets here in the morning. Not a glamourous last Friday in Nashville, but I have a LOT of work to do. And I don't want to subject Kyle to watching me pack.

Saturday will be Kyle time -- I'm so excited to catch up with him... AAH! I'm not sure what we'll do.. probably eat popsicles and cook a lot (I need to use up my groceries!). Sunday and Monday are nun-festivities, then I get in the car and drive through the night to get to camp in time to start volunteering Tuesday. I'm so ready!

Oh, I'm going to miss Nashville though. A lot. I would love to live here for a few years.. gosh, if I could get into Vanderbilt... I can't even put into words. I just really, really love it here.

This summer has been so different from last -- but it's been a good different. I've missed Cory, but I think it was good for us to have 8 weeks of independent adventures. We have a lot of catching up to do, which I'm looking forward to. I'm looking forward to enjoying his company again. I think its so healthy that we can both have fun on our own, but I still do have even more fun when I'm with him. He's wonderful.

Gosh, I'm caffienated. Aah.

Okay, time to finish up a project and clean out my office and say my goodbyes... which is SO hard to do.

:(

On to the next adventure..

Monday, July 21, 2008

4 more days?

I can't believe I am only 4 days away from finishing my internship at TRIAD.

This summer has been really, really good. It hasn't been quite the crazy adventure I had anticipated -- I settled in better than I thought I would -- but it's still been new and fresh and exciting. And while I will miss Nashville and the friends I have made, I am looking forward to the upcoming time at camp and Cory's and .. finally.. home.

This weekend was wonderful; Jessie came in on Friday, and we went out with my roomie Gillian to eat yummy pizza. Saturday was a busy day of popsicles, hanging out with Allison, and exploring Nashville. We (me, Jessie, and Al) went to the artsy/eclectic 12S district to window shop through the handful of vintage shops lining the little street. I love window shopping -- Al got a pink, sparkly skirt (surprised?), but for the most part, we just browsed and commented on how nice the cute little smock dresses would be if we had $300 to toss away. Ah, the life of college students...

I made them go to Las Paletas (they didn't complain), and I got the BEST popsicle so far: grapefruit. So now I have the fall mission of somehow recreating these insane little treats from heaven in D306. In grapefruit.

Saturday evening was my new roomie Jessie's surprise engagement party... and it was a blast. Such an eclectic group of people... new roomies, old roomies (Mandy was there in spirit..), roomie boyfriends and brothers and such... and 50 helium balloons. And two very deadly bowls of punch (Jessie and I have some pretty sweet skills). Gillian went a little crazy with decorations, so the apartment was insanely colorful and.. inflated. I think everyone had a good time :).. and Jessie and I finished the night with more punch and Enchanted. Nothing like a disney-ish chick flick to top off the weekend!

Sunday, we returned to Las Paletas (no joke -- we took Wickles), then headed out to Al's house and farm... so peaceful and beautiful. I've loved seeing where all my roomies reside... we're all so different, but our lives are so reflected in our homes.

Oh, home... I miss Charleston.

Time is going to fly until I'm back, though -- tomorrow is Al's birthday (yay for a party trolley! who knew there even was such a thing..), Wednesday is a Will Hoge concert, Thursday is a date with my roommates on Broadway (last night out in Nashville!!), Friday Kyle arrives, Sunday the nun festivities start, Monday Rebecca takes her vows and I leave for camp... somewhere in there I get my recommendation letter out and some grad e-mails sent.

Oh, and packing. ::sigh:: I've shed a lot of stuff over the last few months just because I am absolutely sick of lugging it from city to city. I am hoping I can widdle more away when I get back to Greenville.

Widdle. I like that word. Widdle.

Mm and one more thing -- I went to Mass on Sunday. God and I argued about it all day, and I showed up with my pre-teen "Fine. I'm here. Now what do you have to say?" attitude that is clearly getting me nowhere, and God worked with my grumpy little heart anyway. He's incredibly patient like that.

It was one of those nights where I didn't really think about anything -- I just sat there enjoyed being in His presence. I let my mind wander to and fro, occasionally trying to reel it back to some sanctified place. It was... nice. And peaceful. And unexpectedly homey.

In my little nomadic life, I've realized the importance of a spiritual home. If my parents hadn't dragged us to Mass from the time we could protest, I wouldn't have this home base. I wouldn't have a place to go back to or a place to rest. Despite all of my issues and flaws, I can still come to church -- come to The Church -- and rest. There's a peace that fills the bonds that hold a community together. I felt very at rest in that peace.

So on that note, I'm off to a productive Monday night errand extravaganza in Nashville :) We don't have internet (again), so I've been forced by circumstance to study for the GREs. Both of them. Bleh.

:) Yay, Nashville.

hold my hand . hootie

Holding hand songs are always cheesy or mushy or sad, but I think I really, really like this one.

And I really liked this weekend. Twill post later (internet is out again), but until then...


With a little love, and some tenderness
We'll walk upon the water,
We'll rise above this mess.
With a little peace and some harmony,
We'll take the world together,
We'll take em by the hand...

'cause Ive got a hand for you
'cause I wanna run with you

Yesterday, I saw you standing there
Your head was down, your eyes were red,
No comb had touched your hair.
I said get up, and let me see you smile
We'll take a walk together
Walk the road awhile, 'cause

'cause I've got a hand for you.
Ive got a hand for you
'cause I wanna run with you
Won't you let me run with you?

Hold my hand...
Want you to hold my hand
Ill take you to a place where you can be
Anything you wanna be because
I wanna love you the best that, the best that I can

See I was wasted, and I was wasting time
'till I thought about your problems, I thought about your crimes
Then I stood up, and then I screamed aloud.
I don't wanna be part of your problems
Don't wanna be part of your crowd, no

'cause I've got a hand for you.
I've got a hand for you
'cause I wanna run with you
Ah, wont you let me run with you?

Hold my hand.
Want you to hold my hand...
Ill take you to the promised land
Maybe we can't change the world but
I wanna love you the best that, the best that I can

Hold my hand
Want you to hold my hand
Ill take you to a place where you can be
Anything you wanna be because..

Hold my hand
Want you to hold my hand
I'll take you to the promised land
Maybe we cant change the world but
I wanna love you the best that, best that I can
Oh, the best that I can

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

tiiiired

I think I need a vacation.

It's just that point in the summer where I am totally zonked... I haven't had a weekday off since Easter? I think? Or maybe study day during exams.... but I don't think studying and packing really counts :)

Work is going well, but we have four assessments this week (some lasting over 5 hours), so it's a lot. And we had the cutest kiddo come in today, but he was sleepy and yawned through half of the assessments, and even though kids with ASD don't "catch" yawns, I do. So I got back to my office, locked the door, and took a 20 minute nap on my desk :)

Oh, and another girl at work got engaged. This summer is very.. wedding-y.

Last night was quite fun; Al came over and we caught up and watched wedding shows with Gill and made pink strawberry cookies. The days just feel too short... wake up, shower, work, run errands, make dinner/maybe see someone, try to get something done at the apt, sleep... start over. I'm looking forward to going back to school schedule.

Today's errand? Getting my hair done. I'm so excited...

I can't believe this summer is really winding down. I decided not to go to Tahoe... it's just too much traveling, and I wouldn't be able to spend time with Pat or Eric or Dad (whom I haven't seen since... Easter.)

So now... Jessie is coming this weekend (18-20), and next week is my last week at TRIAD. Hopefully I will finish all of my grad school contact e-mails before Kyle gets in town that weekend; I would LOVE to have everything done before I leave! Kyle's flight leaves Monday night (28), and I'll leave for camp straight from the airport. I will volunteer at camp Tuesday-Friday (29-8/1), and stay in Greenville for a few days afterwards, maybe stop by a Child's Haven and see about finishing up my internship project (yep, still not done). I'll go home some time early-ish that week, then Cory's family is coming to Charleston for a few days (and Cory and I might leave and go to Myrtle to hear Lee Brice). Lo and behold, I have NOTHING the week of August 11th... and I move into FU on August 17th.. and promptly leave for the OStaff Retreat (18-19) and get back in time to start work on the 19th. Then let the O-Week/nannying madness begin...

This term is just going to be wonderful. I'm excited about my classes -- I'm taking learning, education for students with disabilities (with a field placement component in a special education class), statistics, and anthropology of religion. Not to shabby, right? And my days start pretty late, so I have time to work in a school one morning and back at Child's Haven another morning. AND still have time to nanny four days a week. Weekend programs are going to start back up, football season is coming, Cory's house is beautiful, I get my kitchen stuff back...

I'm ready :)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

better as a memory

Kenny's brilliant. This song is so beautiful...


I move on like a sinners prayer
And letting go like a levee breaks
Walk away as if I don't care
Learn to shoulder my mistakes
Or built to fade like your favorite song
Get reckless when there's no need
Laugh as your stories ramble on
Break my heart, but it won't bleed
My only friends are pirates
That's just who I am
But I'm better as a memory than as your man

Never sure when the truth won't bend
And pretty good on a lonely night
Or move on the way a storm blows through
And never stay, but then again, I might.
I struggle sometimes to find the words
Always sure until I doubt
Walk a line until it blurs
Build walls too high to climb out
But I'm honest to a fault
That's just who I am
I'm better as a memory than as your man

I see you leaning, you're bound to fall
I don't want to be that mistake
I'm just a dreamer and nothing more
You should know it before it gets too late

Cause goodbyes are like a roulette wheel
You never know where they're gonna land
First you're spinning, then you're standing still
Left holding a losing hand
But one day you're gonna find someone
And right away you'll know it's true
That all of your sinking's done
It was just a part of the passing through
Right there in that moment you'll finally understand
That I was better as a memory than as your man
Better as a memory than as your man



kenny chesney

Sunday, July 13, 2008

home is where the heart is?

This weekend was absolutely insane. Lots of downtown honkey-tonk bars, good food, and power naps to pull it all together. Oh, and a trip to the convent.

I'm not usually into the "play hard" lifestyle, but once in awhile, it's fun. We had tons of fun guests in town this weekend, so entertaining was a must :) Tough life, entertaining in Nashville...

Friday was a busy day at work. We had an assessment, and the child had a really rough time... it's hard to cope with the fact that some of these kids just can't stay in a room and deal with the environment they're placed in. Just one of the challenges of life with a two-year-old with autism. :( Super cute kid, though. And wonderful parents. I'm so inspired by parents of exceptional children... the grace it takes to let your world be turned upside down and love every inch of it even harder.

I love my field.

So after work, I met some coworkers and husbands/boyfriends at a local brewery... I finally kind of appreciate good beer, so relaxing with homebrewed beer and yummy brickfire pizza was nice. And I like the people I work with... they're a fun, eclectic bunch. I wish I could get to know them better, but I only have two weeks left.

Can you believe it?? TWO WEEKS LEFT IN NASHVILLE??!

So afterwards, my roomies had friends come by the apartment... and Jessie's fiance (YAY!) and older brother were in for a night on the way to the beach, so we all went out on the town.... and had an absolute BALL. We started at Paradise Park -- I'd been there before with the Greenville crew -- a trailerpark-themed bar with "trashtinis" and a really good rock band. My favorite place, though, was the Big Bang -- it's this incredible dueling piano bar... the performers were incredible... so much talent, so much fun. I couldn't get enough :)

We ended the night at the Stage... I actually ran into a Furman alumn downtown -- Brent -- so random... so we met up with him and his friend there. Again -- great band, not too packed... we danced and sang and had an absolute ball :)

Saturday morning I picked up Kyle at the airport... it was SO good to see him. We met up with his family at their hotel and had breakfast, then split for the afternoon so they could go to a conference for the Mikel foundation.

I was thinking about it on my run today... hanging out with the Danielsons made me think about the whole "home is where the heart is" thing... just being with them here made me feel totally at ease. I know it sounds cheesy, but I think that may be part of why my heart has been so sporadic this summer. The things and people that make me feel at home are all over the place.... when they come here, I'm at home. When I go to them, I'm at home.

The best part is... I'm slowly finding those things and people in Nashville, too. My heart is in my job, my heart is in my roommates, my heart is in my neighborhood, my heart is in the skyline... Nashville is slowly becoming home.

Saturday evening was a whilrwind... we went to the convent for vespers to see Sr Rebecca, which was surreal.

Every time I step into those doors on that hill, I feel something. The sisters are beautiful... their community is so happy and in love with the Lord. It's nice to see these strong women who have found their call, their purpose. And while I don't think I'm supposed to be there with them, we will always have a very similar spirituality. I have a Dominican heart :)

Rosary was really special... we were all praying together, and I had this subtle realization... I don't know if it will make sense written out, but I've been really bogged down with the whole faith vs works thing. While the two are complementary, I had forgotten that they are also independent one one important way: we fall, we falter, but we can still have our faith. And during one of those 50 precious hail mary's, God gently pointed out that I still have it in me, that all is not lost. I'd given into a bit of despair, forgetting that I make choices every moment that form my heart.

So it was really nice.

After vespers, Kyle and his parents and I went to Ruth's Chris for dinner... sooo yummy. I felt grown up. Kyle and I are getting ready to graduate, and we just sat there talking with his parents over multiple bottles of wine about our plans and their lives... it was really, really nice. And we came out of the restaurant to an absolute downpour of rain, which Nashville needed dearly. I love rain.

After a quick change at the hotel, we headed down to Douglas Corner to hear the No Hit Wonders. Talk about flashbacks to high school -- we spent many summers listening to them play in Canada and little restaurants and Kyle's living room :). They had recorded their first CD there, so it was really special to listen to how far they've come.

Incredible talent, too... their voices and styles are all unique and strong and beautiful. I got lost in their music.... they sit in a circle and each play songs in turn, and I completely lost track of where we were in the rotation. They draw you in.

The night ended with one more bar on Broadway, then back to the hotel to hang out. Talking to Kyle in person was SO nice... I have missed him dearly. It's amazing, too, how at home I am with anyone from high school when we see each other. Absolutely wonderful... and he's coming back in two weeks for vows!

SO yes, that's my busiest-weekend-ever in a nutshell. I'm not sure I would ever go to Broadway three nights in a row again... but it's nice to have done it once :). Throw in some nuns and a few blasts from the past, and you've got a nice little weekend.

As fun as it was, I got a little homesick today. I miss spending time with Cory and my family... I miss it a lot. I'm really looking forward to fall... everything about fall. Leaves changing, our apartment, Cory, weekend programs, football games, brisk runs around the lake... I miss those things. Summer is fun, but it's hot. I really love fall :)

Okay, time to get ready for this week. 10 more days at TRIAD... time is flying by!

Friday, July 11, 2008

hey there delilah

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me



plain white t's

feels like home

After 5 weeks of on-and-off living in Nashville, I finally feel at home.

Last night was incredible. Absolutely incredible. I had the brilliant idea to try to start studying for the GRE, realized that I have absolutely no vocabulary, and decided -- instead -- to go celebrate one of my roomie's birthday and the other's engagement. It was the first time all three of us had been in the apartment in weeks...

...so we drank diet sunkist and vodka and caught up on life.

We decided to go out to the Stage, which is one of the good honkeytonk bars on Broadway (kind of touristy, but its because the band was so good that they flooded in). Our apartment is on West End, so it was pretty cool to literally turn right out of our complex and drive straight into the heart of downtown.

I had forgotten how much I love dancing and drinking beer and listening to good cover bands. And somewhere in between twirling around with my roommates and watching the typefied "tradidional bar characters" do their thing, I realized that I've become very fond of Nashville. It's got it's own spunk and twang, and I hope I walk away from this summer with at least a bit of the spark under my belt.

Everyone here acts like a rockstar. I was at a coffeeshop yesterday, and this man walked in... traditional Nashville guy -- dark jeans, white shirt, hair products, rockstar glasses -- and called the barista by name, then persisted to order a "large iced coffee, very little ice... no, less ice... man, even less ice... and wait, is that tap water? i don't do tap water..."

People just walk around like they own the city. You've got your preppy Vandys (which don't really hang out at the Stage.. which was nice. The big school frat scene will forever make me feel superficial and very under-tanned), your artsy-eclectic types, your country music star wannabees, and your hillbilly tourists. It's a rather entertaining sight..

So last night, we heard the band sing Big & Rich about "driving in down Broadway"... while we were on Broadway. They played every single "oh my gosh I LOVE this song" song I could think of (with the exception of the ACDC type stuff..).. it was a really, really nice night.

And alas... we ended it by rolling down the windows, blaring RENT, and singing our little hearts out as we drove home.

Good, good night.

This weekend will be full of adventures, as well; going out for happy hour with my coworkers, then out with my roommates (and my roomie's brother and fiance and other roomie's friend) tonight... then picking Kyle up from the airport in the morning, going to breakfast with him, dropping him off at his conference, doing grad school / GRE stuff, taking Kyle to eat popsicles (no joke. he knows its on the agenda), doing dinner with the Danielsons, then going out to hear Kyle's cousin's band play downtown Saturday night...

And Sunday, I'll sleep.

I just have three weekends left, which is weird. And even stranger... I've left for three weekends, so I've really only spent a few weekends here... and one was moving in. This summer is so short... I'm finally settling in, and I already have to think about packing.

Maybe it's better it took so long to settle, though... my "introvert / spiritual exploration / lounge by the pool and drink chai tea time" has given me a chance to catch my breath so I can really enjoy these last few weeks.

And my supervisor offered me a stellar letter of recommendation today for grad school. I'm so excited.

Phew.. mid morning "lunch break" done (on days I don't take lunch breaks, I take breaks and play around in between coding videotapes... gets my mind back on track)... back to watching cute little kiddos with ASD attempt to take turns.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

raindrops on roses....

Running tonight was surreal. I've been struggling with motivating myself to do the things I want to do; habit has gotten the best of me, and I've gotten off of my exercise routine that kept me sane through the spring. So tonight, I felt lazy... but instead of moping about it, I tossed in a load of laundry, threw on my tennis shoes, and took off.

The run was beautiful... the sun was setting, the warm air was tickled with raindrops... running over the interstate is my favorite part. I live outside the city, right over the first intersection of 440... but I can cut through neighborhoods and get to Vandy without touching traffic. To get there, I run on a quiet overpass that runs through a really beautiful neighborhood... lots of cottage-style houses with willow trees and stone work... the overpass is this strange, sterile-but-beauitful view in the middle of the quiet neighborhood. Suddenly, cars are ripping under you and lights are everywhere... then back to the quiet houses and tree-shaded roads.

And the quiet rain made it even prettier :)

Sad news, I was in such a daze that I ended up missing Cory's phone call. It's been so nice appreciating his phone calls; I get giddy when I hear that stupid ring because I realize -- now that I'm 300 miles away -- that I'm really, really lucky to have someone so wonderful in my life (sorry, babe -- I know you read these silly posts and you'll probably be embarassed that I'm wallowing on... blame the accent). Not to say I didn't realize he was wonderful before, but distance intensifies it all... it makes everything a little more clear.

Okay, I have a lot to say tonight... but I have to be up early for an assessment. So in short, things are better. I was foggy the last few weeks, but things are better. Not a bad foggy... just a life-is-suddenly-very-different foggy. Moving to all these places, meeting all these people -- I miss a set life, you know? But somehow this nomad-wanderer thing has become me life... for the time being, anyway...

... and that's okay. "boo-mundane-Furman-life" Bridgette will be back soon enough :)

For now, let the adventures continue.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

in the beginning

Mmmm... adventure.

College has been filled with it. Not quite the adventures I anticipated coming in to Furman, but adventures in their own right. Beautiful adventures, adventurous adventures.

I don't necessarily like everywhere I've been, but I like where I'm going. I don't know what I'll be doing a year from now, but I know I have options. If I get into grad school, carpe the diem... I'll go. If I don't, I'll get a sweet, simple job working with kiddos in Greenville.

Can you tell I've been thinking about plans?

---
So we pray to as many different God's as there are flowers
But we call religion our friend
We're so worried about saving our souls
Afraid that God will take His toll
That we forget to begin

Jewel
---

This weekend was wonderful, but I the whole thing was filled with unanticipated challenges and growth. I just wasn't expecting anything to go wrong, so when it did... I kind of lost it. "It" being the security of my safe place :)

I like planning. I like calendars and schedules -- but in retrospect, I can see that I have planned a bit too much... at times, I have planned every single detail of how I want my life to go... except for when to begin.

I realized this oversight today -- I realized my tendency to buffer my decisions with a safety net of plans. If things don't work out, it's not because I'm not capable... it's because something in the plan didn't work out.

So I would like to use this blog to hold myself accountable. The things I'm planning -- most of them anyway -- I'm detailing to death so that I don't have to begin.

It's time to begin.

:)

Monday, July 7, 2008

MY ROOMMATE IS ENGAGED!!

Yay, Jessie :) :) :)

Tomorrow, I flood the apartment with wedding magazines.

HOORAY!


... and I have officially made my first grad school contact. He is moving from USC to UGA, but both programs are really stellar. Let the madness begin!

somewhere in the middle

Car rides will do strange things to a person. Especially long ones... such as the now-all-too-familiar drive between Greenville and Nashville.

This weekend was wonderful... took off after work on Thursday for Greenville (again), and I got there right in time for the fire circle and talent show at camp (which was wonderful, as always). I miss it soo incredibly much, but I still think I'm doing what I need to be doing for the summer. Hopefully my career-minded planning will help me get into grad school... and a little reward would be that I could spend next summer at camp instead of looking for a job.

I realized somewhere in between Asheville and Knoxville that I really do have my heart set on grad school... a few schools in particular. I really, really want to go get my doctorate after Furman. I'm starting to think that maybe I've been "tricking" myself into not pursuing this thing full force.. just in case I don't get in, etc. It's stressful (a lot of these schools take 5-6 out of anywhere between 150 and 300 applicants), but it's what I really want to do. Having a plan is scary, though... if you don't have goals, you can't fail to reach them. I have goals now.

Yay, car ride musings.

This weekend was really wonderful, though -- I'll post more tomorrow (I am absolutely exhausted), but I went to camp on Thursday, hung out with Cory all day Friday, celebrated the 4th Greer style with Kevin and Stephanie, then my mom and Nolan came in town Saturday and today. Busy busy weekend... the driving just makes me even more tired... but all in all, wonderful. And I stopped in Asheville on the way back to have a quick catch up dinner date with Jessie, which was fantastic... I miss roomie :)

I miss everyone, actually.

Three more weeks... then I'll be spending a few days at camp!!!

But more about that later.. for now, bed. Hope everyone had a lovely 4th!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

soul mates

" 'People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. ... That was his job, and he did great, and now it's over... You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be.'"

- Richard from Texas;
Eat, Pray, Love


I just think think that quote is so beautiful -- this woman is all bent out of shape because someone has left her life, and Richard nails the situation: we don't have to write off the people who leave our lives. We have to say goodbye, but we don't have to forget them.

I have always struggled with accepting that I have very little control over the roles of people in my life. Friends will always come and go, people will come into this world and then eventually leave it, but something about my heart just doesn't like the whole process. I would be so much more content if I could just accept that I have no control. Nor do I really want that sort of control, when we really get down to things...

Right now, my issue isn't really people leaving my life -- for living in a strange new place, my life feels surprisingly full with wonderful friends and a supportive, loving family. It's more people not leaving, if that makes any sense. People lingering... some in reality, some just in my heart.

"Come or go as you please, but don't stand in the doorway letting in the hot air." - my heart.

I'm starting to realize that for some people, their role in my life may just be to come and go as they please -- to keep me on my toes and to keep my heart open. To keep me from getting too set in my ways, from thinking I am entitled to a perfectly uncomplicated life.

I think that's my favorite part of Richard's soul mate description -- even our worst enemy can be a soul mate. With an open heart and the right attitude, we can learn something from everyone. We can rob even the worst situation by taking away the gift of experience.

We should never turn away that gift, right?

So my weekly resolution (I should really start doing those) -- treat everyone like a soul mate in their own right. Let them come, let them go... appreciate the process.

I'll try, anyway.

world

Got a package full of wishes
A time machine, a magic wand
A globe made out of gold
No instructions or commandments,
Laws of gravity or indecisions to uphold
Printed on the box I see: ACME's Build a World to Be.
Take a chance, grab a piece
Help me to believe it

What kind of world do you want
Think anything
Let’s start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now

Should there be people or peoples
Money, funny pedestals
For fools who never pay
Raise your army, choose your steeple
Don’t be shy, the satellites can look the other way
Lose the earthquakes, keep the faults
Fill the oceans without the salt
Let every man own his own hand.
Can you dig it baby?

What kind of world do you want
Think anything
Let’s start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now

Sunlight’s on the bridge
Sunlight’s on the way
Tomorrow’s calling
There’s more to this than love

What kind of world do you want
Think anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece
History starts now
Starts now
Be careful what you wish for

Start now


world . five for fighting


okay, God.. I get it.

Dear God,

I understand we've been on odd terms lately, and I have been spending more time than usual indulging in frivolous pleasures. AND I've been a tad annoyed that the Church's Rules and Regulations have sought to stand in my way. And while I'm not quite done hashing this whole ordeal out with you, I would like to apologize for one of my many oversights

I now understand that You are trying to protect my heart by keeping me from making decisions I might regret, decisions that may stand between living a fruitful and purposeful life. I get it. I get that rules help hold a society together, but they also hold our hearts together.

I understand the rules protect our hearts by keeping our souls open and pure; we don't deal with the guilt and shame that makes us want to stuff our sorry True Selves in suitcases or sneak them through dark alleyways. Our hearts endure less wear and tear. We have more energy, strength, and love to deal with things other than ourselves. Important Things.

In conclusion, I would like to thank You for kindly pointing these oversights out to me via current life events. If you wouldn't mind helping me through the process of working through the consequences of my ignorance, I would really appreciate it. Maybe we can work some other things out in the process.

Thanks for being there, even when I pretend you're not.

I love you,

Birdy


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

the stars are a little blue..

Dancin' when the stars go blue
Dancin' when the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown

Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' with the marionette
Are you happy now?

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue

Laughin' with your pretty mouth
Laughin' with your broken eyes
Laughin' with your lover's tongue
In a lullaby

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue



tim mcgraw . where the stars go blue

a little break :)

Sorry for the constant breaks from blogging... I have switched to journaling for a little while; I just needed to think to myself, I suppose. Kind of an interesting few weeks.

This past weekend was super fun; Cory came in town on Thursday night, and we had an absolutely wondeful weekend... Friday he slept and I worked in the morning, then we went to this awesome Mexican popsicle stand...

You don't understand. These popsicles are unreal. It's all I can think about, really. In fact.. writing this post makes me want to go get one right now. Sad, I know. But these things are amazing... the honeydew tastes like you're biting into a melon. Watermelon? Eating a watermelon. Hibiscus? You feel like a Koala. I'm seriously considering calling them to ask if they sell them in bulk.

It's a mild obsession.

Anyways -- Friday night, we went on a haunted tavern tour in downtown Nashville, then out to different bars with Allison and Clint. Cory and I went to Coyote Ugly, which was fun to say we've been. One more thing to check off the list of "things to do in life.."

Saturday was our anniversary (awww... one whole year!), and we had an absolutely wonderful day of doing absolutely nothing. Went to the pool, cooked dinner, drove around, ate ben and jerrys and watched Fever Pitch... you know ;). It was a really, really nice night.

And GEORGE WAS BORN! Cory is officially an uncle (how terrifying yet exciting)... I get to meet the sweet new baby this weekend -- going to GVegas for the 4th. :) And mom and dad are coming up to visit on the 5th, which will be wonderful... I haven't seen them in a REALLY long time.

Phew. So that's life.

I'm ready to get back to Greenville, but I love Nashville... I really love hte city, the people... the next few weekends are going to be really great... Kyle's coming, Jessie's coming, Cory might be coming... I may be back up at camp for the last session, then Charleston, then possibly going to Lake Tahoe to meet up with the crazy Kelleher's...

:)

Summer. Ooooh, Summer.