I'm fully convinced that it takes me a solid week to settle into a new phase and actually feel all of the emotions that are attached with everything.
This morning I woke up and finally "felt" break.
Up until this point, I've just enjoyed not touching anything "autism" or "school psychology" for almost two weeks :). Christmas shopping added another spur of mad "to do's" that ruffled my feathers a bit. Now that Christmas celebrations (the superficial ones, anyway) are over, I'm just home. With my family (Cory and Molly included).
My favorite part of break has been reconnecting with Co. We've had a really busy, tough year. Not tough in the "I thought we wouldn't make it" way -- I never had any doubts -- but tough in that we barely saw each other.. and when we did, it was always for some external reason (weddings, funerals, football games). It's nice to spend time together just for the sake of it.
We've been working on our marriage budget and honeymoon plans, both which are coming along quite smoothly. Every financial expert I've been exposed to has said that money is one of the top things that can tear a marriage apart. Cory and I really do agree on financial "stuff" -- we both enjoy getting creative with funds, and we both think that saving as much as we can is super important at our age... and we work together well. His strength is knowing the facts about money, and my strength is being able to organize it in an accessible way (prettiest, most functional excel spreadsheet you've ever seen..). I thought we would work together well, but it's extra nice to see that we actually do.
Last night we had a lovely little party with the high school crew. We both had a really good time -- it was so great to see everyone and catch up on what people are up to. As we all get older, it's also interesting to see how different we've all become. When we're in a big group, I tend to get a funny feeling -- mildly anxious, easily excited, less happy. It's been like that since high school, but last night -- with Cory there -- I only had that feeling when I wasn't standing by his side. I love my old friends so much, but I'm so much more at peace with the world (and so much more myself) when I'm with Cory. It's a good thing -- I think it just means that I've changed and grown (as many of us have), and what used to be doesn't fit right anymore.
It's kind of a little bit liberating.
So I'm looking forward to adventuring with Cory for the rest of break. We're doing cake tastings this Wednesday, then we're heading up to Greer to do New Years celebrations there (as well as attend some parties in honor of his friend Mark). Cory goes back to work the first week in January, and I think I will, too. I have a lot of odds and ends to do before school starts, and I want to put in five days or so of work on projects that I know are coming (conference presentations, etc.). I probably should have worked more over break, but the time away has been so invigorating. Grad school is more a state of mind than anything else -- it's very "all or nothing" -- so the only way to truly escape is to put it all away.
:)
Dad and Cory are golfing, so I think Molly and I will go shopping. I got a sewing machine for Christmas, so I'm super excited to get some patterns and start relearning how to use it (I haven't sewn in years!). My goal is to sew the runners and pillows for our reception... but before then, I want to practice on some projects that people won't be necessarily seeing. I really want to make some cute shift dresses this summer...
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
cat's in the tree, dog's in the bathtub, puppy renamed molybdenum... Christmas as usual
I love being home.
There's no feeling I despise more than restlessness -- of the heart, of the soul, of the body -- it's all very frustrating. I've found peace in lots of different things over the course of my humble little existence, but lately -- more than ever -- I've found rest in my family.
No matter how crazy they may be :)
I think wedding planning has brought us closer. They adore Cory, and he fits in with our chaotic madness (which is amazing)... so he's helped make all of us closer just by being a part of it all. Mom has been the most wonderful support through everything -- from her plethora of marriage advice to her blind trust that ordering yards and yards of hippie-printed fabrics from the internet will somehow transform into a ruffly, lovely wedding... she's been a steady source of peace. My family is unique and quirky, but we work together. The quirks make us "us."
For example(s):
Nolan is growing up and getting cuter. Girls are noticing. We had five carolers come to visit last night, and one of them casually mentioned a get together that was happening today. Nolan got Christmas Carol Booty Called. Today, he was in the garage building the carolers a ladder. (?)
Dad has renamed Molly Molybdenum. It's an element. You know... off of that periodic table thing. Mom spend half of dinner trying to pronounce Molybdenum.
The cat keeps hiding in the Christmas tree. Molly has a new hobby of chasing the cat. You do the math :)
... it's just constant madness.
A few wedding hilights of today -- mom found her dress! It's beautiful and gorgeous and most people totally couldn't pull it off, but she looks fabulous (of course). AND our fabrics came in for the wedding! We're hand sewing some of the runners and high table ties and pillows, so I ordered lots and lots of vintage inspired Amy Butler turquoise and apple and peacock blue patterned fabrics.
We're starting to schedule day-of appointments and Bridesmaid brunch details and hotel blocks and cake tastings... it's getting so CLOSE!
I'm kind of overwhelmed with details, and the long distance thing makes it feel like I'm planning alone sometimes, which is a bummer (with the exception of our AMAZING wedding planner -- let me know if you know anyone getting married in Charleston! She's perfect!). I'm excited for Cory to move to Columbia. We don't do long distance.. we just put off our relationship for weekends. With the stress of school and work and job hunting and everything, though, it's really hard to make the weekends count. Sleep becomes so tempting.
Now the crazy logistics are kicking in, too. I'd much rather pick out flowers than figure out paperwork... bleh. Still haven't done engagement announcements, even. We need to order invitations... figure out the favors (although we have a plan now! It involves one of our favorite recipes..)... sign up for marriage counseling... find a bigger apartment... find Cory a new job...
OOF.
Guess it all comes with the "getting married" territory :)
Balancing everything this term is going to be hard. I'm on three different presentations in MD, PA, and TN. ... aka lots of traveling. Classes should be getting tougher, too, which is no good. AND as the wedding gets closer, the funds deplete more quickly. Too many fun things to order and plan..
.. but it's all going to be so worth it in the end. I received the sweetest card from my Uncle Rob today -- he's one of my mom's younger brothers -- it was a Christmas / checking in note, and he enclosed my parent's wedding invitation and program (he's saved it all these years!). My mom hand calligraphed her invitation design, and she may be doing ours, too -- so in addition to the sweet sentiments that came along with reading over it with her, we had an extra "aww" moment, getting excited about the future.
I'm now saving every invitation I get for when my friends' kiddos eventually get married -- it was the sweetest surprise.
As I watched my parents cuddle on the couch with Molly, surrounded by their insane children and pets... dog in the bathtub, cat in the tree... I tried to picture them younger, engaged, getting ready to tie the knot. They had been long distance, too -- mom was in St. Louis, dad was in Pocatello -- and I know it was hard. I know they are closer now, have been through more now, understand each other more now.. than they did then.
The idea of marriage sounds insane -- picking one partner to adventure through life with. People grow and change and go through unpredictable things that test their souls. Things happen. As the wedding gets closer, I'm realizing more and more how intensely sacramental marriage truly is. It's a huge leap of faith -- a huge investment. It's this amazing commitment that -- no matter what -- we've got each other.
"I got you, babe..
I got flowers in the spring
I got you to wear my ring
And when I'm sad, you're a clown
And if I get scared, you're always around
Don't let them say your hair's too long
'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
I got you, babe..."
(Sonny and Cher -- but the lyrics ring true)
It's going to be a beautiful adventure :)
There's no feeling I despise more than restlessness -- of the heart, of the soul, of the body -- it's all very frustrating. I've found peace in lots of different things over the course of my humble little existence, but lately -- more than ever -- I've found rest in my family.
No matter how crazy they may be :)
I think wedding planning has brought us closer. They adore Cory, and he fits in with our chaotic madness (which is amazing)... so he's helped make all of us closer just by being a part of it all. Mom has been the most wonderful support through everything -- from her plethora of marriage advice to her blind trust that ordering yards and yards of hippie-printed fabrics from the internet will somehow transform into a ruffly, lovely wedding... she's been a steady source of peace. My family is unique and quirky, but we work together. The quirks make us "us."
For example(s):
Nolan is growing up and getting cuter. Girls are noticing. We had five carolers come to visit last night, and one of them casually mentioned a get together that was happening today. Nolan got Christmas Carol Booty Called. Today, he was in the garage building the carolers a ladder. (?)
Dad has renamed Molly Molybdenum. It's an element. You know... off of that periodic table thing. Mom spend half of dinner trying to pronounce Molybdenum.
The cat keeps hiding in the Christmas tree. Molly has a new hobby of chasing the cat. You do the math :)
... it's just constant madness.
A few wedding hilights of today -- mom found her dress! It's beautiful and gorgeous and most people totally couldn't pull it off, but she looks fabulous (of course). AND our fabrics came in for the wedding! We're hand sewing some of the runners and high table ties and pillows, so I ordered lots and lots of vintage inspired Amy Butler turquoise and apple and peacock blue patterned fabrics.
We're starting to schedule day-of appointments and Bridesmaid brunch details and hotel blocks and cake tastings... it's getting so CLOSE!
I'm kind of overwhelmed with details, and the long distance thing makes it feel like I'm planning alone sometimes, which is a bummer (with the exception of our AMAZING wedding planner -- let me know if you know anyone getting married in Charleston! She's perfect!). I'm excited for Cory to move to Columbia. We don't do long distance.. we just put off our relationship for weekends. With the stress of school and work and job hunting and everything, though, it's really hard to make the weekends count. Sleep becomes so tempting.
Now the crazy logistics are kicking in, too. I'd much rather pick out flowers than figure out paperwork... bleh. Still haven't done engagement announcements, even. We need to order invitations... figure out the favors (although we have a plan now! It involves one of our favorite recipes..)... sign up for marriage counseling... find a bigger apartment... find Cory a new job...
OOF.
Guess it all comes with the "getting married" territory :)
Balancing everything this term is going to be hard. I'm on three different presentations in MD, PA, and TN. ... aka lots of traveling. Classes should be getting tougher, too, which is no good. AND as the wedding gets closer, the funds deplete more quickly. Too many fun things to order and plan..
.. but it's all going to be so worth it in the end. I received the sweetest card from my Uncle Rob today -- he's one of my mom's younger brothers -- it was a Christmas / checking in note, and he enclosed my parent's wedding invitation and program (he's saved it all these years!). My mom hand calligraphed her invitation design, and she may be doing ours, too -- so in addition to the sweet sentiments that came along with reading over it with her, we had an extra "aww" moment, getting excited about the future.
I'm now saving every invitation I get for when my friends' kiddos eventually get married -- it was the sweetest surprise.
As I watched my parents cuddle on the couch with Molly, surrounded by their insane children and pets... dog in the bathtub, cat in the tree... I tried to picture them younger, engaged, getting ready to tie the knot. They had been long distance, too -- mom was in St. Louis, dad was in Pocatello -- and I know it was hard. I know they are closer now, have been through more now, understand each other more now.. than they did then.
The idea of marriage sounds insane -- picking one partner to adventure through life with. People grow and change and go through unpredictable things that test their souls. Things happen. As the wedding gets closer, I'm realizing more and more how intensely sacramental marriage truly is. It's a huge leap of faith -- a huge investment. It's this amazing commitment that -- no matter what -- we've got each other.
"I got you, babe..
I got flowers in the spring
I got you to wear my ring
And when I'm sad, you're a clown
And if I get scared, you're always around
Don't let them say your hair's too long
'Cause I don't care, with you I can't go wrong
Then put your little hand in mine
There ain't no hill or mountain we can't climb
I got you, babe..."
(Sonny and Cher -- but the lyrics ring true)
It's going to be a beautiful adventure :)
Sunday, December 13, 2009
lyrical disappointment
I am sorely disappointed in the lyrics to the last verse of "Wonderful Tonight"...
"It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head / So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed / And then I tell her, as I turn out the light /I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight"...
WHAT?! that's not romantic... except maybe when Michael Buble sings it.
"It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head / So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed / And then I tell her, as I turn out the light /I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight"...
WHAT?! that's not romantic... except maybe when Michael Buble sings it.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
DONE (ish)
Reading my last post made me laugh. A lot.
I now have an ugly Boston Terrier(ish) with a smushed in face and bad breath. She is delicately named Molly. Santa Cory caved and got her for me when he realized it would eventually happen, anyway.
She's ridiculous. Having lived here for three weeks, she is finally mastering the difficulties of transitions.. how to tell green shag carpets from grass; why eating bobby pins is NOT a suitable past time; and how to sneak into my bed in the middle of the night, climb under the covers without waking me up, and maneuver so when my alarm goes off, my arm is wrapped around her, and her little lazy face on my pillow.
Most importantly, she's been my saving grace through the ups and downs of grad school. We (me and my to-be PhD) have a love-hate relationship. This term, it was a bit more hate than love. However, I know that the academic side of school is a means to an end... and that's the part that "gets to me." I like the research, I like the teaching. I like interacting with the Oranges (USC undergrads turn orange in the fall - thanks, tanning beds). I like critically thinking with my "colleagues" and playing with kids in the schools. I like autism. SO I like all of the things about grad school that will be sticking around into my future. It's the grading and constant list of "far off" to-do's that gets me down sometimes. It's a little intense.
Molly makes me take breaks -- we go for walks, we sit downtown at Starbucks and grade exams... we dance around the living room (no, really. She can do three pirouettes on her hind legs without putting her forearms down). We don't get a lot of free time, so it's nice to have a work buddy.
Overall, it's been a fun term -- I've met some fabulous people, made good grades, had some great weekend adventures.. I miss my college friends, though. And I miss Cory. And I miss having time to cook and paint and sleep :) Next term will be better. Now that I know the general routine -- what to work hard on, where I need to slack off -- I can better manage how everything is going to go.
I'm almost done, though, and Christmas break will feel sooo good. I have 70 more final essays to grade, then its just updating the gradebook and averaging things out. The end is sooo close!
Grad school doesn't leave much time for adventures, so I think that's what I miss most. Columbia is low key and comfortable -- I keep finding myself on travelocity in the middle of the night looking for SOMETHING exciting. We're traveling a lot this spring -- I'll be presenting in Anapolis and Chicago (and small chance I'll go to Philli)... so getting out of here will be good.
I don't like being single here, but I think Columbia will be a good place to start our married life. There's actually a surprising amount of things to do, and it's not very expensive. I'm just not going to go out on my own and meet a whole bunch of people (outside of people I meet through school) -- it's easier with a buddy.
I miss my buddy. But hey -- at least football season is over :)
Cory's coming in a few hours, and we have a lovely ugly sweater party tonight! Molly got an invite, but I'm not sure if I trust her in other people's houses yet -- she has no inhibition -- loves to explore and climb in people's beds and eat things she finds on the floor. She doesn't have very good manners yet...
So off to get ready, run errands, grade, find sweaters (Cory claims he's not dressing up. I claim he's wrong)...
More soon!
I now have an ugly Boston Terrier(ish) with a smushed in face and bad breath. She is delicately named Molly. Santa Cory caved and got her for me when he realized it would eventually happen, anyway.
She's ridiculous. Having lived here for three weeks, she is finally mastering the difficulties of transitions.. how to tell green shag carpets from grass; why eating bobby pins is NOT a suitable past time; and how to sneak into my bed in the middle of the night, climb under the covers without waking me up, and maneuver so when my alarm goes off, my arm is wrapped around her, and her little lazy face on my pillow.
Most importantly, she's been my saving grace through the ups and downs of grad school. We (me and my to-be PhD) have a love-hate relationship. This term, it was a bit more hate than love. However, I know that the academic side of school is a means to an end... and that's the part that "gets to me." I like the research, I like the teaching. I like interacting with the Oranges (USC undergrads turn orange in the fall - thanks, tanning beds). I like critically thinking with my "colleagues" and playing with kids in the schools. I like autism. SO I like all of the things about grad school that will be sticking around into my future. It's the grading and constant list of "far off" to-do's that gets me down sometimes. It's a little intense.
Molly makes me take breaks -- we go for walks, we sit downtown at Starbucks and grade exams... we dance around the living room (no, really. She can do three pirouettes on her hind legs without putting her forearms down). We don't get a lot of free time, so it's nice to have a work buddy.
Overall, it's been a fun term -- I've met some fabulous people, made good grades, had some great weekend adventures.. I miss my college friends, though. And I miss Cory. And I miss having time to cook and paint and sleep :) Next term will be better. Now that I know the general routine -- what to work hard on, where I need to slack off -- I can better manage how everything is going to go.
I'm almost done, though, and Christmas break will feel sooo good. I have 70 more final essays to grade, then its just updating the gradebook and averaging things out. The end is sooo close!
Grad school doesn't leave much time for adventures, so I think that's what I miss most. Columbia is low key and comfortable -- I keep finding myself on travelocity in the middle of the night looking for SOMETHING exciting. We're traveling a lot this spring -- I'll be presenting in Anapolis and Chicago (and small chance I'll go to Philli)... so getting out of here will be good.
I don't like being single here, but I think Columbia will be a good place to start our married life. There's actually a surprising amount of things to do, and it's not very expensive. I'm just not going to go out on my own and meet a whole bunch of people (outside of people I meet through school) -- it's easier with a buddy.
I miss my buddy. But hey -- at least football season is over :)
Cory's coming in a few hours, and we have a lovely ugly sweater party tonight! Molly got an invite, but I'm not sure if I trust her in other people's houses yet -- she has no inhibition -- loves to explore and climb in people's beds and eat things she finds on the floor. She doesn't have very good manners yet...
So off to get ready, run errands, grade, find sweaters (Cory claims he's not dressing up. I claim he's wrong)...
More soon!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
the first long haul :)
I've never simultaneously loved and hated something so much as I love and hate grad school.
Taking a quick break before the next project...
This weekend was wonderful -- Cory and I had our engagement pictures on the farm!! We should get them back in the next week or two, and I absolutely cannot wait. Look forward to some vintage car shots ;)... they will be eventually posted on www.stephenblackmon.com. Check him out -- he's awesome.
Today was a little rough, but coming back from Greenville always seems to be. I miss my buddies, I miss my love, I miss Jake...
I've decided I need a dog. His name will be Rufus. He will be a Boston Terrier with an ugly smushed face and bad breath. and I will LOVE him. and if he is she, her name will be something ironically delicate... I have not decided what yet, though.
Cory says no. I say yes. Welcome to the rest of my life.. :)
School is so strange. Some days, I have 2 hours worth to do. Today, I've been working since 9:30 (and still have four hours or so worth to go.. plus a nice, long list for tomorrow). I love working in my apartment, though -- unlimited iced coffee, pandora, and geeky psych articles. Nerd heaven :)
I need to start working on weekends, though. Otherwise, I'll never sleep. Wish me luck as I attempt to get work done in Athens -- we've got hotel rooms for Friday and Saturday, and the whole weekend will be madness. Hopefully victorious madness... I don't need any more reason to throw my stat book ;). Particularly as I'll be cloistered in the hotel room reading articles while the crew is out playing..
... Speaking of which... now back to researching whether any of these intelligence tests actually measure intelligence ... woot woot assessment.
Taking a quick break before the next project...
This weekend was wonderful -- Cory and I had our engagement pictures on the farm!! We should get them back in the next week or two, and I absolutely cannot wait. Look forward to some vintage car shots ;)... they will be eventually posted on www.stephenblackmon.com. Check him out -- he's awesome.
Today was a little rough, but coming back from Greenville always seems to be. I miss my buddies, I miss my love, I miss Jake...
I've decided I need a dog. His name will be Rufus. He will be a Boston Terrier with an ugly smushed face and bad breath. and I will LOVE him. and if he is she, her name will be something ironically delicate... I have not decided what yet, though.
Cory says no. I say yes. Welcome to the rest of my life.. :)
School is so strange. Some days, I have 2 hours worth to do. Today, I've been working since 9:30 (and still have four hours or so worth to go.. plus a nice, long list for tomorrow). I love working in my apartment, though -- unlimited iced coffee, pandora, and geeky psych articles. Nerd heaven :)
I need to start working on weekends, though. Otherwise, I'll never sleep. Wish me luck as I attempt to get work done in Athens -- we've got hotel rooms for Friday and Saturday, and the whole weekend will be madness. Hopefully victorious madness... I don't need any more reason to throw my stat book ;). Particularly as I'll be cloistered in the hotel room reading articles while the crew is out playing..
... Speaking of which... now back to researching whether any of these intelligence tests actually measure intelligence ... woot woot assessment.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
self regulation
They call it "self regulation" in grad school - all of those crazy things we do to stay sane.
It's amazing how often "self regulation" turns into bad habits :)
I'm trying to do homework - I really am. I've just felt so distracted the last few days. Yes, life is changing - fast... I just don't think I've figured out of I like the changes or not yet. I started out sort of liking grad school, and I'm liking it more every day. It's just.. different. Very different. I'm a dork and love the vast majority of the material we're studying... and I love the empowerment that comes with knowing how to design studies and such (stats? fun? who am I?!)... I'm not quite sold on Columbia (yet), but I think those sentiments have so much more to do with the whole "home is where the heart is" thing. I need to go out and meet people, too. You know - in between classes and homework and such.
I also need to remember why I'm here. Furman taught me a lot about myself and how I learn. My brain just does not seep in information when I'm not passionate about the material. I recognize that I will not be passionate about every ounce of material I study (although grad school is wonderful because all of my classes are at least somewhat relevant to my immediate future!) - but if I do something every day to remind me where I am going, I will be so much more content with where I am.
So it's time to find a community or two.
It's hard trying to "replace" the communities I've relied on for the past few years - friends at Furman, Spearhead, Greer... now scattered around the country. I need to find something Spearhead-esque here. I know there are some local homes for kids with autism... my goal this week is to find some. I do actually have some time to volunteer in the mornings, and those hours would even pay off later when it comes time to find internships. I need to network, but really - I need those kids back in my life. My campers in Greenville are my heros and my inspiration. I miss them :(
I also need to find a church. Young adults (ie 20-30s) often slip through the cracks in parishes - unless you're married, have kids, or are a emo-esque highschooler, many churches don't have a lot of programs fro you. I know one of the local parishes does "theology on tap" -- which I think would be SO fun (and Cory would love it too!). Beer and Catholic theology? Yes, please.
I need something to do other than hang out with the people in my program (who are GREAT.. but few) and "nest." Yes, nest. My mother used the term a few weeks ago to describe my rabid searches for vintage-inspired fabrics and cheap-but-chic furniture... I'm nesting. She pointed out I've always done it - whenever I'm in a new place, I meticulously craft away at my environment until its comfy and cozy and me.
Hey - I'm slowly getting close!
Since I moved in, I've repainted the coffee table, dresser (twice), side table, desk... and then I reupholstered two barstools, painted a giant canvas (Herbert!), recovered 3 bulletin boards, and put together fabric panels to go in the living room. And two for my bedroom. And covered picture frames in all of my scraps.
Hey -- it looks awesome.
I've become absolutely obsessed with Amy Butler fabrics. The girls helping design our wedding decor introduced me to her -- and I'm HOOKED. She does these fun, vintage inspired prints... and while her fabric is pricey, I just buy tiny quantities and use them in very visual places (fabric panels, for example). Fortunately for my soul (and unfortunately for my budget), a lot of local shops carry her gorgeous lines. It's amazing.
I really want to get a sewing machine, but I know it would be the end of me -- I'd blow my entire stipend on fabric and pillow forms. BUT when I'm done "nesting" and the wedding gets close, I may indulge and do some of the runners and linens for the reception. With Amy Butler fabric.
It's so bad.
I made a yard and a half go a looong way... but by the end, I was pulling the "don't spare any part of the buffalo" mentality. Picture frames and glue guns are awesome for using up little corners of fabric...
H'okay. I need to go study. I'm getting used to this whole read-every-spare-second-you-get grad school thing, but I'm not too good at it yet. I've spent the day moving around furniture (Cory scoffed when I told him -- but the stuff is HEAVY -- even if my apartment is tiny) and painting. And putting together my bookshelf.
aka NOT doing the stats homework I promised myself I would do today.
:)
It's amazing how often "self regulation" turns into bad habits :)
I'm trying to do homework - I really am. I've just felt so distracted the last few days. Yes, life is changing - fast... I just don't think I've figured out of I like the changes or not yet. I started out sort of liking grad school, and I'm liking it more every day. It's just.. different. Very different. I'm a dork and love the vast majority of the material we're studying... and I love the empowerment that comes with knowing how to design studies and such (stats? fun? who am I?!)... I'm not quite sold on Columbia (yet), but I think those sentiments have so much more to do with the whole "home is where the heart is" thing. I need to go out and meet people, too. You know - in between classes and homework and such.
I also need to remember why I'm here. Furman taught me a lot about myself and how I learn. My brain just does not seep in information when I'm not passionate about the material. I recognize that I will not be passionate about every ounce of material I study (although grad school is wonderful because all of my classes are at least somewhat relevant to my immediate future!) - but if I do something every day to remind me where I am going, I will be so much more content with where I am.
So it's time to find a community or two.
It's hard trying to "replace" the communities I've relied on for the past few years - friends at Furman, Spearhead, Greer... now scattered around the country. I need to find something Spearhead-esque here. I know there are some local homes for kids with autism... my goal this week is to find some. I do actually have some time to volunteer in the mornings, and those hours would even pay off later when it comes time to find internships. I need to network, but really - I need those kids back in my life. My campers in Greenville are my heros and my inspiration. I miss them :(
I also need to find a church. Young adults (ie 20-30s) often slip through the cracks in parishes - unless you're married, have kids, or are a emo-esque highschooler, many churches don't have a lot of programs fro you. I know one of the local parishes does "theology on tap" -- which I think would be SO fun (and Cory would love it too!). Beer and Catholic theology? Yes, please.
I need something to do other than hang out with the people in my program (who are GREAT.. but few) and "nest." Yes, nest. My mother used the term a few weeks ago to describe my rabid searches for vintage-inspired fabrics and cheap-but-chic furniture... I'm nesting. She pointed out I've always done it - whenever I'm in a new place, I meticulously craft away at my environment until its comfy and cozy and me.
Hey - I'm slowly getting close!
Since I moved in, I've repainted the coffee table, dresser (twice), side table, desk... and then I reupholstered two barstools, painted a giant canvas (Herbert!), recovered 3 bulletin boards, and put together fabric panels to go in the living room. And two for my bedroom. And covered picture frames in all of my scraps.
Hey -- it looks awesome.
I've become absolutely obsessed with Amy Butler fabrics. The girls helping design our wedding decor introduced me to her -- and I'm HOOKED. She does these fun, vintage inspired prints... and while her fabric is pricey, I just buy tiny quantities and use them in very visual places (fabric panels, for example). Fortunately for my soul (and unfortunately for my budget), a lot of local shops carry her gorgeous lines. It's amazing.
I really want to get a sewing machine, but I know it would be the end of me -- I'd blow my entire stipend on fabric and pillow forms. BUT when I'm done "nesting" and the wedding gets close, I may indulge and do some of the runners and linens for the reception. With Amy Butler fabric.
It's so bad.
I made a yard and a half go a looong way... but by the end, I was pulling the "don't spare any part of the buffalo" mentality. Picture frames and glue guns are awesome for using up little corners of fabric...
H'okay. I need to go study. I'm getting used to this whole read-every-spare-second-you-get grad school thing, but I'm not too good at it yet. I've spent the day moving around furniture (Cory scoffed when I told him -- but the stuff is HEAVY -- even if my apartment is tiny) and painting. And putting together my bookshelf.
aka NOT doing the stats homework I promised myself I would do today.
:)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
bring it on home . little big town
One of those songs I never really had paid much attention to :) Beautiful lyrics..
You've got someone here
Wants to make it all right
Someone that loves you more
Than life right here
You've got willing arms that'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you on through the night right here
I know your heart can get
All tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me
You know I know you
Like the back of my hand
You know I'm gonna do
All that I can right here
Gonna lie with you
Till you fall asleep
When the morning comes
I'm still gonna be right here
Yes, I am
So take your worries and
Just drop them at the door
Baby, leave it all behind
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me
Baby, let me be your safe harbor
Don't let the water come
And carry you away
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me
You've got someone here wants
To make it all right
Someone that loves you more
Than life right here
You've got someone here
Wants to make it all right
Someone that loves you more
Than life right here
You've got willing arms that'll hold you tight
A hand to lead you on through the night right here
I know your heart can get
All tangled up inside
But don't you keep it to yourself
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me
You know I know you
Like the back of my hand
You know I'm gonna do
All that I can right here
Gonna lie with you
Till you fall asleep
When the morning comes
I'm still gonna be right here
Yes, I am
So take your worries and
Just drop them at the door
Baby, leave it all behind
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me
Baby, let me be your safe harbor
Don't let the water come
And carry you away
When your long day is over
And you can barely drag your feet
The weight of the world
Is on your shoulders
I know what you need
Bring it on home to me
You've got someone here wants
To make it all right
Someone that loves you more
Than life right here
Saturday, August 22, 2009
too soon
I don't really know how to write this post, but I feel like I should. So here it goes.
I'm in Greer this weekend a little unexpectedly. Mark Winburn passed away on Friday - he has been one of Cory's closest buddies for years, and I've been blessed to have him in my life since Cory and I started dating. He was one of the first friends of Cory's I really got to know... a simple, happy, sweet soul. We're really, really going to miss him.
It's been a surreal few days. Cory called with the news around lunch time on Friday, so I came up Friday afternoon. We sat and talked for a few hours, then went to bring bagels to Mark's parents. Visiting with them was hard - there's no way to find the correct words for something so.. misplaced. His mom was beautiful - so pained, but so graceful. She wanted to hear all about our experiences with Mark. As could be expected, the sadness became laced with laughter. We'll never really know if he almost hit that horse. That replaced light in that random lamp post will eventually burn out. His personality, wit, and joy were so deep that even now - even at the saddest point - his stories make us laugh.
The story that keeps running through my head is the time Cory, Mark, me, and one of my girlfriends went out to dinner. Mark had just settled into his new house, and Cory was still (as always) settling into his. For thirty minutes straight, Cory and Mark talked about their rosebushes. How they water them, how they fertilize them... I don't even know how they kept coming up with plant-related conversation topics. My friend and I kept our own conversation going, then we'd turn back to see if the guys had moved on. Nope. Those boys talked about their "manly" gardening tactics the entire time.
Mark's mom said the florist is using Marks prized flowers for the arrangements in the church. He would have wanted it that way - he was so proud of the darn things.
He's Winburn. He and Cory were supposed to be old souls together. He was supposed to be in our wedding. He was supposed to be a part of our lives for a long, long time. Cory's a pallbearer at the funeral on Monday. Mark was supposed to walk down Cory's aisle - Cory wasn't supposed to walk him down his. It's a sobering realization knowing that our "supposed to" and God's "supposed to" can be so tragically different.
Monday will be hard, but it will also be a celebration. As short as it was - Marks life is truly something to celebrate. Cory put it so well - Mark never met a stranger. He never had an acquaintance. Once he met you, you were in. You were a part of his life.
If only we could all have that kind of love. We miss you so much, Mark!
I'm in Greer this weekend a little unexpectedly. Mark Winburn passed away on Friday - he has been one of Cory's closest buddies for years, and I've been blessed to have him in my life since Cory and I started dating. He was one of the first friends of Cory's I really got to know... a simple, happy, sweet soul. We're really, really going to miss him.
It's been a surreal few days. Cory called with the news around lunch time on Friday, so I came up Friday afternoon. We sat and talked for a few hours, then went to bring bagels to Mark's parents. Visiting with them was hard - there's no way to find the correct words for something so.. misplaced. His mom was beautiful - so pained, but so graceful. She wanted to hear all about our experiences with Mark. As could be expected, the sadness became laced with laughter. We'll never really know if he almost hit that horse. That replaced light in that random lamp post will eventually burn out. His personality, wit, and joy were so deep that even now - even at the saddest point - his stories make us laugh.
The story that keeps running through my head is the time Cory, Mark, me, and one of my girlfriends went out to dinner. Mark had just settled into his new house, and Cory was still (as always) settling into his. For thirty minutes straight, Cory and Mark talked about their rosebushes. How they water them, how they fertilize them... I don't even know how they kept coming up with plant-related conversation topics. My friend and I kept our own conversation going, then we'd turn back to see if the guys had moved on. Nope. Those boys talked about their "manly" gardening tactics the entire time.
Mark's mom said the florist is using Marks prized flowers for the arrangements in the church. He would have wanted it that way - he was so proud of the darn things.
He's Winburn. He and Cory were supposed to be old souls together. He was supposed to be in our wedding. He was supposed to be a part of our lives for a long, long time. Cory's a pallbearer at the funeral on Monday. Mark was supposed to walk down Cory's aisle - Cory wasn't supposed to walk him down his. It's a sobering realization knowing that our "supposed to" and God's "supposed to" can be so tragically different.
Monday will be hard, but it will also be a celebration. As short as it was - Marks life is truly something to celebrate. Cory put it so well - Mark never met a stranger. He never had an acquaintance. Once he met you, you were in. You were a part of his life.
If only we could all have that kind of love. We miss you so much, Mark!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
"almost no fat banana bread"
Got it from allrecipes.com... and it's yummy! Thought I'd share my breakfast for the week :)
INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 c all-purpose flour
1/2 c white sugar
1 1/4 t baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
1 t vanilla
1/2 t cinnamon
2 egg whites
2 1/2 mashed bananas
1/4 c applesauce (no sugar)
1/4 t salt
1) Preheat oven to 350. Lightly grease 8x4 loaf pan.
2) In a large bowl, stir together dry ingredients. Add egg whites, bananas, appleasuce, and vanilla. Stir until just combined. Pour into pan.
3) Bake 50-55 minutes until toothpick comes out clean (** mine was almost too done in 45 minutes, so watch the time! I also used a bigger pan, though..)
mmmmmmmmmmmm :)
INGREDIENTS:
1 1/2 c all-purpose flour
1/2 c white sugar
1 1/4 t baking powder
1/2 t baking soda
1 t vanilla
1/2 t cinnamon
2 egg whites
2 1/2 mashed bananas
1/4 c applesauce (no sugar)
1/4 t salt
1) Preheat oven to 350. Lightly grease 8x4 loaf pan.
2) In a large bowl, stir together dry ingredients. Add egg whites, bananas, appleasuce, and vanilla. Stir until just combined. Pour into pan.
3) Bake 50-55 minutes until toothpick comes out clean (** mine was almost too done in 45 minutes, so watch the time! I also used a bigger pan, though..)
mmmmmmmmmmmm :)
calm before the storm
It's days like today when I feel a tad closer to my not-so-secret goal of living a life like Rachael Ray :)
I slept embarassingly late, spent most of the day balancing the ugly budget (thank you, random car repair bills), and plotting my weekly recipes :) I'm excited to be making Tikka Masala tonight -- I've been craving some good Indian food...
With our final orientation out of the way and my first TA assignment done (writing learning objectives and lab syllabi for developmental psych!), I'm finally getting a feel for my New Life. This term, I'll take 12 hours of classes (Stats, Intro, Cognitive Assessment, Academic Intervention), TA for two sections of Developmental Psychology (140 students!), work on some Fragile-X/Autism studies, and partake in some other random academic adventures, I'm sure... I'll be busy. Really busy. But happy :)
I'm still not a huge fan of the long distance thing, though. Cory and I had a great weekend in Charleston, too, which just made it all harder. We went down for a looong but wonderful meeting with Duvall -- they're doing our catering and flowers and decor for the wedding -- and it was amazing. I was so excited that Cory came - I finally felt like we were planning our wedding -- not just some big, pretty party. He managed to keep the meeting "us", too -- prank texted my mom, re-named ranunculus "redonkadonk", and came up with some fun ideas to make everything very Bridgette and Cory.
A few sneak peeks? We're talking about serving a few special drinks in mason jars :),using tons of beautiful patterns and prints, AND passing miniature pralienes in the middle of dancing! We're also on a mad hunt for blue sweedish fish. Anyone have any ideas?
Cory and I came back to Columbia Saturday night, and he left early on Sunday. During the week, it's like we divide and conquer -- he goes to work, I go to school -- and weekends are when we can actually catch up and enjoy each other's company. I don't get cell phone service in my apartment, and he doesn't get it in his office. When we finally do get to talk, I appreciate him a little more :)
I also appreciate him more when I do dumb things and have to fix them alone -- such as accidentally throwing my keys into the dumpster with my trash... yeah, that was fun.
Being apart helps me stay motivated to meet new people, too. Summer was so crazy that I'm really basking in quiet independence, but I know that after a few weeks, I'll be craving some new social adventures :). My grad class is really fun - very diverse, very passionate about what they do.
It's interesting, though -- I think we're all still used to putting up our best front for interviews and trying to anticipate the future. The result is a bizarre, subtle competitive vibe.. which freaks me out a bit. Our program is very "chill" (i.e. we learned about our classes yesterday -- classes start on Thursday), so we're having to let our guards down a bit. Which is good for us, I think. I'm interested to see how we all work together in classes. I'm excited to get to know them :).
In the meantime, back to quiet, relaxing, calm-before-the-storm life...
I slept embarassingly late, spent most of the day balancing the ugly budget (thank you, random car repair bills), and plotting my weekly recipes :) I'm excited to be making Tikka Masala tonight -- I've been craving some good Indian food...
With our final orientation out of the way and my first TA assignment done (writing learning objectives and lab syllabi for developmental psych!), I'm finally getting a feel for my New Life. This term, I'll take 12 hours of classes (Stats, Intro, Cognitive Assessment, Academic Intervention), TA for two sections of Developmental Psychology (140 students!), work on some Fragile-X/Autism studies, and partake in some other random academic adventures, I'm sure... I'll be busy. Really busy. But happy :)
I'm still not a huge fan of the long distance thing, though. Cory and I had a great weekend in Charleston, too, which just made it all harder. We went down for a looong but wonderful meeting with Duvall -- they're doing our catering and flowers and decor for the wedding -- and it was amazing. I was so excited that Cory came - I finally felt like we were planning our wedding -- not just some big, pretty party. He managed to keep the meeting "us", too -- prank texted my mom, re-named ranunculus "redonkadonk", and came up with some fun ideas to make everything very Bridgette and Cory.
A few sneak peeks? We're talking about serving a few special drinks in mason jars :),using tons of beautiful patterns and prints, AND passing miniature pralienes in the middle of dancing! We're also on a mad hunt for blue sweedish fish. Anyone have any ideas?
Cory and I came back to Columbia Saturday night, and he left early on Sunday. During the week, it's like we divide and conquer -- he goes to work, I go to school -- and weekends are when we can actually catch up and enjoy each other's company. I don't get cell phone service in my apartment, and he doesn't get it in his office. When we finally do get to talk, I appreciate him a little more :)
I also appreciate him more when I do dumb things and have to fix them alone -- such as accidentally throwing my keys into the dumpster with my trash... yeah, that was fun.
Being apart helps me stay motivated to meet new people, too. Summer was so crazy that I'm really basking in quiet independence, but I know that after a few weeks, I'll be craving some new social adventures :). My grad class is really fun - very diverse, very passionate about what they do.
It's interesting, though -- I think we're all still used to putting up our best front for interviews and trying to anticipate the future. The result is a bizarre, subtle competitive vibe.. which freaks me out a bit. Our program is very "chill" (i.e. we learned about our classes yesterday -- classes start on Thursday), so we're having to let our guards down a bit. Which is good for us, I think. I'm interested to see how we all work together in classes. I'm excited to get to know them :).
In the meantime, back to quiet, relaxing, calm-before-the-storm life...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
cheap eats
So I'm pretty sure I'm not the only fresh college grad out there googling "cheap eats." As such, I do not understand how/why "Frito Pie" pops up as an actual sustainable way to survive. SERIOUSLY!? I can stick crisco in a pan for under $3 and call it a cheap eat -- but it could also actually kill me.
Yuck!
Yuck!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
oh, right. THIS is what school feels like
Graduate student workshops from 8:30am until 5:00pm. Yum. School is back.
Carolina is comfortable. It's like a mix between the demanding academic environment of Furman and the big-school culture of Vandy. I can do this. I have done this.
TA training is good, but it's been a huge transition from camp. As I sit in my still-not-clean apartment, I'm pretty disappointed with my seeming inability to maintain the thrice-a-day cleaning regimen I spent my summer enforcing. Dust really bothers me, but I'm so tired from the early mornings, day-long chit-chat, and too-late nights to do much about it. Exercise is on my to-do list, too. Today, I checked of exercise as walking -- in my pajamas -- to the mailboxes.
Hey, it's a start.
I'm getting super excited about Cory and my engagement pictures... so I really should somehow mentally tack exercising to those. We're getting them done on labor day, on his family's farm in Greer. For some of them, I'm wearing a pleated white cotton sundress, and he's wearing something blue and adorable (er, manly).. and we're going to gallavant on the tractors and in the fields. Our photographer is Stephen Blackmon, and he's awesome. Really young and fresh, so I think the pictures will be really vibrant and "us." Maybe Jake will even behave for a few ;)
I'm always excited about marrying Cory, but some days I feel *extra* excited for no special reason -- and today is one of those days. It's the most important, life-changing, beautiful, sacred day of our lives. When I think about our two beings coming together, I'm in awe. Our lives were pretty crazy before we met each other.
Granted, our lives are probably crazier now... but in a fulfilled, meaningful way. :)
I just hope -- and pray -- that we continue to be inspired by each other forever. Cory is my hero. The way he interacts with people, loves people, invests in people - it's incredible. He can put a room at ease, but never in a superficial way. His personality just lends itself to humbly inspiring other people.
I'm a lucky girl.
Yes, our kids (a looong way down the line - no fears) will be strange. We'll probably need to hire a lawyer by the time the first one reaches kindergarten. But we'll have a happy, quirky, loving family. We'll laugh a lot. We'll probably end up adopting a pudgy red-headed toddler with autism. Our kids will be able to identify the Carolina fight song before typical children recognize their ABCs. It'll be an adventure.
::sigh::
THIS is why I do not watch movies like the Notebook. I become a pile of sleep-deprived, love-struck mush.
I'm going to bed :) More graduate workshops to rest up for in the morning!
Carolina is comfortable. It's like a mix between the demanding academic environment of Furman and the big-school culture of Vandy. I can do this. I have done this.
TA training is good, but it's been a huge transition from camp. As I sit in my still-not-clean apartment, I'm pretty disappointed with my seeming inability to maintain the thrice-a-day cleaning regimen I spent my summer enforcing. Dust really bothers me, but I'm so tired from the early mornings, day-long chit-chat, and too-late nights to do much about it. Exercise is on my to-do list, too. Today, I checked of exercise as walking -- in my pajamas -- to the mailboxes.
Hey, it's a start.
I'm getting super excited about Cory and my engagement pictures... so I really should somehow mentally tack exercising to those. We're getting them done on labor day, on his family's farm in Greer. For some of them, I'm wearing a pleated white cotton sundress, and he's wearing something blue and adorable (er, manly).. and we're going to gallavant on the tractors and in the fields. Our photographer is Stephen Blackmon, and he's awesome. Really young and fresh, so I think the pictures will be really vibrant and "us." Maybe Jake will even behave for a few ;)
I'm always excited about marrying Cory, but some days I feel *extra* excited for no special reason -- and today is one of those days. It's the most important, life-changing, beautiful, sacred day of our lives. When I think about our two beings coming together, I'm in awe. Our lives were pretty crazy before we met each other.
Granted, our lives are probably crazier now... but in a fulfilled, meaningful way. :)
I just hope -- and pray -- that we continue to be inspired by each other forever. Cory is my hero. The way he interacts with people, loves people, invests in people - it's incredible. He can put a room at ease, but never in a superficial way. His personality just lends itself to humbly inspiring other people.
I'm a lucky girl.
Yes, our kids (a looong way down the line - no fears) will be strange. We'll probably need to hire a lawyer by the time the first one reaches kindergarten. But we'll have a happy, quirky, loving family. We'll laugh a lot. We'll probably end up adopting a pudgy red-headed toddler with autism. Our kids will be able to identify the Carolina fight song before typical children recognize their ABCs. It'll be an adventure.
::sigh::
THIS is why I do not watch movies like the Notebook. I become a pile of sleep-deprived, love-struck mush.
I'm going to bed :) More graduate workshops to rest up for in the morning!
and it begins
I am finally starting to feel - at least a little bit - like I'm in grad school. I'm not sure if it was the 8 hours of online TA/IRB training or actually piecing together a semblance of a class schedule, but I'm starting to feel legit.
Let the madness begin!
My cohort (all 7 of us! big class!) went out to the Flying Saucer yesterday for a little pint-night get together. It was nice meeting everyone - a very fun, young, dynamic group. We're all interested in different things, which is wonderful. I think we're going tubing on Sunday, too...
I received my TA assignment for the fall, and it looks like I'm assisting two different professors with Developmental Psychology. One of the professors (my mentor)focuses on developmental issues (FX, autism, etc.), but it looks like the other professor is interested in aging. I guess I'll learn a lot about... a lot. I'll also probably be buried in paperwork - I'm only assigned to two sections, but each section has 70 students -- YIKES! We're not in TR anymore...
I'm starting to feel extra grateful for that move to Nashville last summer. I got to practice the whole "find an apartment, meet new people, live off of nothing, go with the flow" lifestyle... and I got pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. Even my IRB training was cut in half because of the Vanderbilt red tape. AND I'm dusting off some old "last summer" recipes that helped me cook on a tight budget. It's so fun!!
Tonight, I made my absolute favorite healthy summer stretch-a-buck meal: curry chicken salad. It's DELISH... a palm of raisins, 20ish green grapes, a pound of sauteed chicken, palm of diced onions, a diced golden delicious apple, a little bit of light dukes, a stalk of diced celery, garlic salt, pepper, and yellow curry powder. Pecans are awesome in it, but they can be pricey (unless your fiance can hack-saw them out of a tree for you.. in which case, hooray!). You can also stuff it in a green pepper and bake it in the oven.. or eat it on a piece of whole wheat toast.. mm.. The stuff lasts for three meals, and it probably costs about $9 to make (when chicken is on sale). Granted, that's if you have ingredients on hand (and I unfortunately did not)... but those frustrating stock-the-pantry grocery runs are inevitable. Now I have all sorts of random veggies and fruits to add to other things :)
Also on my yummy cheap food list? The return of instant pudding. Fifty cents of fat-free, sugar-free, freeze-it-like-a-popsicle bliss. Tonight I added bananas and graham crackers, tomorrow I have big plans for dark chocolate hershey kisses. Seriously, it's perfection.
The only culinary credit I can give to camp (other than the grilled-versus-slathered philly... a la K Cox) is sugar free drinks... so I've now been converted to store-brand sugar free crystal light. Pink lemonade in particular. I make a big slightly-too-strong pitcher of it, then dilute each glass with water, a splash of club soda (I can't kick the fizzy-habit all together... I'm trying, people), and a little bit of lime juice. It's soooo good, and it's a good fraction of the price of soda. AND less caffeine! We all win.
Clearly I'm a little (too) excited about cooking again. Amazing what 9 weeks of camp food will do...
Anyways. Tomorrow is the first big grad student workshop. I'm not super excited -- it's going to be a lot of policies, fees, etc... but it will be nice to meet some more people and actually get a feel for how the next five years of my life are going to run. I figured out a few of my classes by poking around online -- I'm taking a stats course, an introduction to school psychology class, and a basic assessment course... plus some sort of elective and hopefully a class on teaching (so I can teach ASAP).
Classes = books = homework. Am I truly diving into this again? Oof..
I really am ready, though. Everyone says the first year is the hardest, so I figure coming fresh out of a few Brewer and stat classes will keep the momentum up. 4 classes, 2 sections of TA-ing, and research on the side. How hard could it be?
Oof.
:) Just another adventure...
Let the madness begin!
My cohort (all 7 of us! big class!) went out to the Flying Saucer yesterday for a little pint-night get together. It was nice meeting everyone - a very fun, young, dynamic group. We're all interested in different things, which is wonderful. I think we're going tubing on Sunday, too...
I received my TA assignment for the fall, and it looks like I'm assisting two different professors with Developmental Psychology. One of the professors (my mentor)focuses on developmental issues (FX, autism, etc.), but it looks like the other professor is interested in aging. I guess I'll learn a lot about... a lot. I'll also probably be buried in paperwork - I'm only assigned to two sections, but each section has 70 students -- YIKES! We're not in TR anymore...
I'm starting to feel extra grateful for that move to Nashville last summer. I got to practice the whole "find an apartment, meet new people, live off of nothing, go with the flow" lifestyle... and I got pretty good at it, if I do say so myself. Even my IRB training was cut in half because of the Vanderbilt red tape. AND I'm dusting off some old "last summer" recipes that helped me cook on a tight budget. It's so fun!!
Tonight, I made my absolute favorite healthy summer stretch-a-buck meal: curry chicken salad. It's DELISH... a palm of raisins, 20ish green grapes, a pound of sauteed chicken, palm of diced onions, a diced golden delicious apple, a little bit of light dukes, a stalk of diced celery, garlic salt, pepper, and yellow curry powder. Pecans are awesome in it, but they can be pricey (unless your fiance can hack-saw them out of a tree for you.. in which case, hooray!). You can also stuff it in a green pepper and bake it in the oven.. or eat it on a piece of whole wheat toast.. mm.. The stuff lasts for three meals, and it probably costs about $9 to make (when chicken is on sale). Granted, that's if you have ingredients on hand (and I unfortunately did not)... but those frustrating stock-the-pantry grocery runs are inevitable. Now I have all sorts of random veggies and fruits to add to other things :)
Also on my yummy cheap food list? The return of instant pudding. Fifty cents of fat-free, sugar-free, freeze-it-like-a-popsicle bliss. Tonight I added bananas and graham crackers, tomorrow I have big plans for dark chocolate hershey kisses. Seriously, it's perfection.
The only culinary credit I can give to camp (other than the grilled-versus-slathered philly... a la K Cox) is sugar free drinks... so I've now been converted to store-brand sugar free crystal light. Pink lemonade in particular. I make a big slightly-too-strong pitcher of it, then dilute each glass with water, a splash of club soda (I can't kick the fizzy-habit all together... I'm trying, people), and a little bit of lime juice. It's soooo good, and it's a good fraction of the price of soda. AND less caffeine! We all win.
Clearly I'm a little (too) excited about cooking again. Amazing what 9 weeks of camp food will do...
Anyways. Tomorrow is the first big grad student workshop. I'm not super excited -- it's going to be a lot of policies, fees, etc... but it will be nice to meet some more people and actually get a feel for how the next five years of my life are going to run. I figured out a few of my classes by poking around online -- I'm taking a stats course, an introduction to school psychology class, and a basic assessment course... plus some sort of elective and hopefully a class on teaching (so I can teach ASAP).
Classes = books = homework. Am I truly diving into this again? Oof..
I really am ready, though. Everyone says the first year is the hardest, so I figure coming fresh out of a few Brewer and stat classes will keep the momentum up. 4 classes, 2 sections of TA-ing, and research on the side. How hard could it be?
Oof.
:) Just another adventure...
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
just a note
The ice cream truck just drove by my apartment playing "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." In August.
let me be brave...
An inspirational Catholic woman :)
"It's hard for us to believe: the amazing Eunice Kennedy Shriver went home to God this morning at 2 a.m.
She was the light of our lives, a mother, wife, grandmother, sister and aunt who taught us by example and with passion what it means to live a faith-driven life of love and service to others. For each of us, she often seemed to stop time itself - to run another Special Olympics games, to visit us in our homes, to attend to her own mother, her sisters and brothers, and to sail, tell stories, and laugh and serve her friends. How did she do it all?
Inspired by her love of God, her devotion to her family, and her relentless belief in the dignity and worth of every human life, she worked without ceasing - searching, pushing, demanding, hoping for change. She was a living prayer, a living advocate, a living center of power. She set out to change the world and to change us, and she did that and more. She founded the movement that became Special Olympics, the largest movement for acceptance and inclusion for people with intellectual disabilities in the history of the world. Her work transformed the lives of hundreds of millions of people across the globe, and they in turn are her living legacy.
We have always been honored to share our mother with people of good will the world over who believe, as she did, that there is no limit to the human spirit. At this time of loss, we feel overwhelmed by the gifts of prayer and support poured out to us from so many who loved her. We are together in our belief that she is now in heaven, rejoicing with her family, enjoying the fruits of her faith, and still urging us onward to the challenges ahead. Her love will inspire us to faith and service always.
She was forever devoted to the Blessed Mother. May she be welcomed now by Mary to the joy and love of life everlasting, in the certain truth that her love and spirit will live forever."
- statement issued by Eunice Kennedy Shriver's family
"It's hard for us to believe: the amazing Eunice Kennedy Shriver went home to God this morning at 2 a.m.
She was the light of our lives, a mother, wife, grandmother, sister and aunt who taught us by example and with passion what it means to live a faith-driven life of love and service to others. For each of us, she often seemed to stop time itself - to run another Special Olympics games, to visit us in our homes, to attend to her own mother, her sisters and brothers, and to sail, tell stories, and laugh and serve her friends. How did she do it all?
Inspired by her love of God, her devotion to her family, and her relentless belief in the dignity and worth of every human life, she worked without ceasing - searching, pushing, demanding, hoping for change. She was a living prayer, a living advocate, a living center of power. She set out to change the world and to change us, and she did that and more. She founded the movement that became Special Olympics, the largest movement for acceptance and inclusion for people with intellectual disabilities in the history of the world. Her work transformed the lives of hundreds of millions of people across the globe, and they in turn are her living legacy.
We have always been honored to share our mother with people of good will the world over who believe, as she did, that there is no limit to the human spirit. At this time of loss, we feel overwhelmed by the gifts of prayer and support poured out to us from so many who loved her. We are together in our belief that she is now in heaven, rejoicing with her family, enjoying the fruits of her faith, and still urging us onward to the challenges ahead. Her love will inspire us to faith and service always.
She was forever devoted to the Blessed Mother. May she be welcomed now by Mary to the joy and love of life everlasting, in the certain truth that her love and spirit will live forever."
- statement issued by Eunice Kennedy Shriver's family
Monday, August 10, 2009
the coffee table is repainted... and other signs that my life is totally changing
So when I haven't blogged for a very long time, I always find it necessary to briefly summarize the this-and-thats that have characterized my recent existence.
First up?
Yep, the coffee table has received an "every time I look at this thing I get sad, so I better repaint it" makeover. :) As did most of my stuff. It's kind of strange living in Columbia. By myself. Playing Suzie-Homemaker has lightened the emotional load for the meanwhile, but I know that eventually it will all hit me. Furman is over, college is over (WHAT?!), and I'm on to the next adventure.
I actually really like living on my own -- so far. I loved my college roommates, so the idea of trying to replace them for a year kinda made me cringe. Besides... I know full well that in a year, my carribean-blue vintage side table will be replaced with a wonderful yet slightly less delicate husband... who I know is only excited about my DIY reupholstered barstools because he knows they make me happy :).
Life as a stipend-dependent grad student is far from glamorous, but it finally feels like me. Furman was wonderful, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to receive that caliber of education and meet those fabulous people... but I became very burnt out of the Furman lifestyle. I wanted to put nails in the wall, drink wine while I cooked dinner, stretch my independence a bit. I've never enjoyed being spoon-fed life. I like trial and error. I'm comfortable now.
The best part? I have someone to share this comfortable, cozy, fresh adventure with! Cory came down last night to help me around the apartment and get ready for his graduation... and the entire time he was visiting, I had this overwhelming feeling of comfort. We had spent the summer in the place -- and the environment -- where we fell in love. Mixing in wedding-filled weekends and The Big Move to Columbia made that love seem more real than ever. Not going to lie -- I'm not excited about long distance. It's a good thing we have so many more adventures to look forward to :)
Moving in has been an adventure in and of itself. The apartment opened in mid-July, but I've been working at camp during the week and hopping up and down I-26 on weekends, so Friday was my first night actually living here. I still don't have my couch or desk (among other things), but I do have cable (plus three channels... woohoo!). And groceries (already made zucchini fritters... thought of you, Jessie). And a bed that doesn't smell like mold and sound like a sinking lifeboat (thank you, Camp Spearhead).
Speaking of Spearhead... I cannot believe its over. My job was much different this year - I was designing and implementing a vocational program for some very promising and brimming-with-personality young adult campers. I had a ball... and I learned a lot. Some hilights included:
- My little brother (Pat) came to work at camp for the last few weeks! He is now "engaged" to twins with down syndrome. He also got smacked by an elder camper (I'll call him Herbert) who didn't want to go to bed. The same camper also told Pat over and over that he needed a haircut.
- Pat returned to camp with a haircut.
- Cory and I went up in a hot air balloon and got an aerial view of the tree stump where we got engaged. He "re-proposed".. which was romantic and ironic, all at the same time.
- I worked with 16 amazing camper workers. The toughest campers to work with quickly became my favorites, and I now appreciate the immense number of steps it takes to clean a bathroom, the lyrics to every Michael Jackson song known to man, and the relative unimportance of being pelted with a piece chicken in the long journey of a friendship.
- By the end of camp, I had sufficiently abandoned my Furman-esque desire to look put together. When I did randomly decide to wear my hear down (6th week, mind you), I approached one of my camper workers and asked him to go to the dining hall. He responded, "You'll have to ask my boss, Bridgette."
-- "T, I am Bridgette."
- (puzzled expression)
-- "See, look? (pulled my hair back in a ponytail) My hair is down."
- "HAHAHAHA YOUR HAIR IS DOWN! Okay, I'll go to the dining hall."
- Cory and I taught E how to mop. To do so, we had to figure out some fun, creative way to emphasize that once the floor was wet, it didn't need to be mopped again. So I told E (who liked to shake her hair in the wind and pretend she was on baywatch) that the wet floor had sharks in it... and to mop away from the sharks. To emphasize, I put my hands like a fin over my head and ran towards her.
-- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (blood curdling scream)
- "E! What's wrong?"
-- "I thought you were a shark. You scared me."
- Weekends of weddings! TYNER AND ZEKE ARE MARRIED!, played at showers for all of the lovely marriages coming up this fall, and enjoyed pulling together details for our Big Day... so much love in the air :).
- I finally painted! Couldn't find affordable art/furniture, so I repainted an end table, the coffee table, a dresser, and a beautiful giant canvas... the later of which now hosts a giant blue crab. I named him Herbert. I can't afford a dog, so my guard-pet is a two dimensional crustacean... he's beautiful and slightly intimidating.
So many more thoughts, but not nearly enough energy to write them. Expect more blog posts soon, though... I tend to write more when I'm far away from my best friends and the love of my life... particularly when I'm also embarking on a new and exciting journey.
PS. My amazing fiance graduated with his masters today! Hooray! He is celebrating by plowing a dingo around pleasant ridge for the next three days. To each his own :)
First up?
Yep, the coffee table has received an "every time I look at this thing I get sad, so I better repaint it" makeover. :) As did most of my stuff. It's kind of strange living in Columbia. By myself. Playing Suzie-Homemaker has lightened the emotional load for the meanwhile, but I know that eventually it will all hit me. Furman is over, college is over (WHAT?!), and I'm on to the next adventure.
I actually really like living on my own -- so far. I loved my college roommates, so the idea of trying to replace them for a year kinda made me cringe. Besides... I know full well that in a year, my carribean-blue vintage side table will be replaced with a wonderful yet slightly less delicate husband... who I know is only excited about my DIY reupholstered barstools because he knows they make me happy :).
Life as a stipend-dependent grad student is far from glamorous, but it finally feels like me. Furman was wonderful, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to receive that caliber of education and meet those fabulous people... but I became very burnt out of the Furman lifestyle. I wanted to put nails in the wall, drink wine while I cooked dinner, stretch my independence a bit. I've never enjoyed being spoon-fed life. I like trial and error. I'm comfortable now.
The best part? I have someone to share this comfortable, cozy, fresh adventure with! Cory came down last night to help me around the apartment and get ready for his graduation... and the entire time he was visiting, I had this overwhelming feeling of comfort. We had spent the summer in the place -- and the environment -- where we fell in love. Mixing in wedding-filled weekends and The Big Move to Columbia made that love seem more real than ever. Not going to lie -- I'm not excited about long distance. It's a good thing we have so many more adventures to look forward to :)
Moving in has been an adventure in and of itself. The apartment opened in mid-July, but I've been working at camp during the week and hopping up and down I-26 on weekends, so Friday was my first night actually living here. I still don't have my couch or desk (among other things), but I do have cable (plus three channels... woohoo!). And groceries (already made zucchini fritters... thought of you, Jessie). And a bed that doesn't smell like mold and sound like a sinking lifeboat (thank you, Camp Spearhead).
Speaking of Spearhead... I cannot believe its over. My job was much different this year - I was designing and implementing a vocational program for some very promising and brimming-with-personality young adult campers. I had a ball... and I learned a lot. Some hilights included:
- My little brother (Pat) came to work at camp for the last few weeks! He is now "engaged" to twins with down syndrome. He also got smacked by an elder camper (I'll call him Herbert) who didn't want to go to bed. The same camper also told Pat over and over that he needed a haircut.
- Pat returned to camp with a haircut.
- Cory and I went up in a hot air balloon and got an aerial view of the tree stump where we got engaged. He "re-proposed".. which was romantic and ironic, all at the same time.
- I worked with 16 amazing camper workers. The toughest campers to work with quickly became my favorites, and I now appreciate the immense number of steps it takes to clean a bathroom, the lyrics to every Michael Jackson song known to man, and the relative unimportance of being pelted with a piece chicken in the long journey of a friendship.
- By the end of camp, I had sufficiently abandoned my Furman-esque desire to look put together. When I did randomly decide to wear my hear down (6th week, mind you), I approached one of my camper workers and asked him to go to the dining hall. He responded, "You'll have to ask my boss, Bridgette."
-- "T, I am Bridgette."
- (puzzled expression)
-- "See, look? (pulled my hair back in a ponytail) My hair is down."
- "HAHAHAHA YOUR HAIR IS DOWN! Okay, I'll go to the dining hall."
- Cory and I taught E how to mop. To do so, we had to figure out some fun, creative way to emphasize that once the floor was wet, it didn't need to be mopped again. So I told E (who liked to shake her hair in the wind and pretend she was on baywatch) that the wet floor had sharks in it... and to mop away from the sharks. To emphasize, I put my hands like a fin over my head and ran towards her.
-- "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" (blood curdling scream)
- "E! What's wrong?"
-- "I thought you were a shark. You scared me."
- Weekends of weddings! TYNER AND ZEKE ARE MARRIED!, played at showers for all of the lovely marriages coming up this fall, and enjoyed pulling together details for our Big Day... so much love in the air :).
- I finally painted! Couldn't find affordable art/furniture, so I repainted an end table, the coffee table, a dresser, and a beautiful giant canvas... the later of which now hosts a giant blue crab. I named him Herbert. I can't afford a dog, so my guard-pet is a two dimensional crustacean... he's beautiful and slightly intimidating.
So many more thoughts, but not nearly enough energy to write them. Expect more blog posts soon, though... I tend to write more when I'm far away from my best friends and the love of my life... particularly when I'm also embarking on a new and exciting journey.
PS. My amazing fiance graduated with his masters today! Hooray! He is celebrating by plowing a dingo around pleasant ridge for the next three days. To each his own :)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
as soon as...
I never realized graduating college would be so stressful.
I'm done with Furman (minus the housing fine they kindly sent my way tonight... for $100 I clearly do not have right now... which makes me want to go take $100 worth of free paper from the library and walk out the door...). It's stressful. I'm realizing that the real world is.. real. And scary. And that it works on a timeline that will be incredibly inconvenient. Always.
I have yet to go home to Charleston, yet it feels like I still have a mile-high to-do list in Greenville. I'm working two jobs from home right now... which feels insane. I think I'd rather have an office, so I can leave the work there. I do better when I can compartmentalize. And unpack. -- neither of which I have done.
It's been so good to see Cory, but life has been a bit interesting lately. His job situation is insane, and mine is incredibly unflexible. We're really lucky we have each other. Even in the stressful times, I realize even more how lucky we are. We've both got a lot of transitions going on at the moment, but I know it will all be okay. We've got each other, and thats more than I could ever ask for. Prayers, please. Lots of prayers.
I'm just so overwhelmed.
I keep saying "as soon as." It started at the beginning of this year, really. "As soon as this term is over, I'll underload." "As soon as I'm done submitting my proposal, it will all be fine!" "As soon as I go to Chicago, the real work will be done!" "As soon as I graduate, Furman stress will be over." "As soon as I find an apartment..." "As soon as this grant is submitted..." "As soon as camp starts..." "As soon as I move..." "As soon as this first term is over..."
I found myself saying today, "As soon as we're married..."
Right, Bridge. :) Clearly I'm wishing away far too many moments.
I hate living in the "as soon as"es, because it makes it feel like life is not good enough in the moment, you know? And it is... it totally is. I have so many wonderful things to be grateful for.
Maybe if I list them in my head, it'll be like counting sheep... and I'll be able to sleep.... :)
I'm done with Furman (minus the housing fine they kindly sent my way tonight... for $100 I clearly do not have right now... which makes me want to go take $100 worth of free paper from the library and walk out the door...). It's stressful. I'm realizing that the real world is.. real. And scary. And that it works on a timeline that will be incredibly inconvenient. Always.
I have yet to go home to Charleston, yet it feels like I still have a mile-high to-do list in Greenville. I'm working two jobs from home right now... which feels insane. I think I'd rather have an office, so I can leave the work there. I do better when I can compartmentalize. And unpack. -- neither of which I have done.
It's been so good to see Cory, but life has been a bit interesting lately. His job situation is insane, and mine is incredibly unflexible. We're really lucky we have each other. Even in the stressful times, I realize even more how lucky we are. We've both got a lot of transitions going on at the moment, but I know it will all be okay. We've got each other, and thats more than I could ever ask for. Prayers, please. Lots of prayers.
I'm just so overwhelmed.
I keep saying "as soon as." It started at the beginning of this year, really. "As soon as this term is over, I'll underload." "As soon as I'm done submitting my proposal, it will all be fine!" "As soon as I go to Chicago, the real work will be done!" "As soon as I graduate, Furman stress will be over." "As soon as I find an apartment..." "As soon as this grant is submitted..." "As soon as camp starts..." "As soon as I move..." "As soon as this first term is over..."
I found myself saying today, "As soon as we're married..."
Right, Bridge. :) Clearly I'm wishing away far too many moments.
I hate living in the "as soon as"es, because it makes it feel like life is not good enough in the moment, you know? And it is... it totally is. I have so many wonderful things to be grateful for.
Maybe if I list them in my head, it'll be like counting sheep... and I'll be able to sleep.... :)
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
my favorite picture :)
my family :) old and new...
(first time seeing my parents since we got engaged)
Monday, March 23, 2009
the best weekend of my life
I am marrying my hero, my best friend, and my love.
I am so blessed.
Cory and I got engaged on Friday. It was magical and wonderful and surpassed anything I could have hoped or dreamed for. Now that I have stopped floating around the apartment (or at least gotten better at it), I can write. Even now, though, I know I can't do any of it justice.
I am so blessed.
Cory and I got engaged on Friday. It was magical and wonderful and surpassed anything I could have hoped or dreamed for. Now that I have stopped floating around the apartment (or at least gotten better at it), I can write. Even now, though, I know I can't do any of it justice.
Cory's Prayer
(the night we got engaged)
God, you knew even before we were born
that -- one day -- we would jump off treestumps and fall in love..
and I thank you every day for that.
He proposed at camp, on the same treestump he made me jump off of -- blindfolded -- the first time we met. He had grabbed my arm during one of those silly get-to-know-you games, and while everyone else led their partner in a little circle, he had decided to take the "new girl" on an adventure. I heard him laugh before I saw his face... and from then on, I knew we'd be friends :)
After a sweet picnic breakfast in the dewey field, he led me over to take pictures of us jumping in mid air off of "our stump." I didn't realize he was proposeing until he told me to close my eyes... and my heart stopped. When I opened them, he was on one knee, asking me to marry him.
Yes. :)
So he picked me up off the treestump and spun me around, and we kissed, and I sobbed... and after hugging and crying and laughing, he finally put the beautiful ring on my finger. And we went into the barn, sat on the hay bales, and we talked and prayed, listening to the little stream while the sun came up. It was beautiful.
The whole weekend was amazing. After getting back to civilization, the phone calls began -- it's been so wonderful to hear about the little things he said to my friends and family while he was planning :). The whole day was an amazing celebration... it was incredible.
We met his brother and sister-in-law and their sweet baby (my new nephew!!) George for lunch.. my future fam :) They're all fantastic.. absolutely fantastic..
Later, Cory and I went to dinner at the Open Hearth, where we split a bottle of champagne and talked about the rest of our lives. We were both pretty good about not getting ahead of ourselves while we were dating as far as wedding talk goes, so it felt so surreal to talk about everything.
We're getting married!!!
After dinner, we went out to meet some friends at the classy Barn :). We played and laughed, and my talented fiancee / future father of my children serenaded me with "yes" songs... it was all slightly insane. And wonderful.
Saturday was another wonderful adventure. After Tyner's shower (SO FUN!), Cory and I drove to Columbia with his parents to meet my parents and Ryan for dinner. Seeing my parents was so surreal... mom and I cried, and dad just laughed -- those big, hearty, happy laughs... and the celebrations began :). Even though our families are incredibly different, Cory and I are blessed to have been raised with the same values and ideals.. so everyone gets along so well. I couldn't get the giddy look off my face... dad finally just laughed and said "Birdy's happy"...
... and he's right :)
Sunday was my candelight for Tri Delta, which was just so special :) We celebrated after with fruit salsa and cinnamon pitas (courtesy of my lovely roomies), and I played with fun bride presents from my amazing friends :)
But more fun than any of the parties or champagne or diamonds... is just being with him :) Cory, I know you read this thing (in fact, you requested an engagement post.. which is just asking for some sappy shout outs)... so here it goes:
To my fiance:
Thank you for being my rock, my perpetual laughing buddy, my partner in crime, and my dream come true. I love you... I love you, I love you. You have brought more joy into my life than I can put into words -- and I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together, living our love song :)
Monday, March 9, 2009
everything . michael buble
You're a falling star, You're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.
And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.
And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.
And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, You make me sing
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
home sweet home
It feels so good to be home. :)
Charleston is treating me quite well. I got in yesterday afternoon after a rather eventful series of late and missed flights back from Baton Rouge, LA. I walked out of the Asheville airport and almost cried with glee -- my interviews are finished!!
I got in my car and realized nothing good was on the radio, so I popped in a random unlabeled CD that was sitting on my dashboard (thinking it was some mixed thing Cory had made), and all of a sudden, I heard...
C-A-R-O-L-I-N-A... GOOOOO COCKS!
Yes, the Gamecocks fight song. Blaring over my radio in the middle of the Asheville Regional Airport parking lot. It was in my car from "tailgating season," and I guess it somehow resurfaced. Ironic timing, too, considering...
My last interview was good -- I got an offer for LSU's clinical psychology program, which was exciting. I still haven't heard from a few places, but I think I know where I'm going now. I've given it a lot of thought, and it just... makes sense. I liked other programs, but they either weren't funded enough or were missing that *umph*. So here we go...
I'm going to be a Gamecock :)
The program is exceptional... I'll be earning my doctorate in School Psychology, and I'll have the opportunity to study autism under a brilliant, personable researcher in the field. I'll be working on her research predicting autism in infants using eye tracking technology (amazing, right?) and doing some practicum placements in a local residential facility for the "tough" kids with autism. The program has been ranked #3 nationally for the caliber of research, and graduates go on to do amazing things... and they're nice. The people are so supportive and incredible (rather than competitive and stuffy). And its completely funded. And then some.
I'm really, really excited.
Cory's helping me look for condos in Columbia, which is really fun and feels really grown up. We haven't seen each other too much since a bunch of stuff has happened, so I'm looking forward to seeing him when I get back to Greenville. It's a whole new chapter of my life... our lives?... and while I'm not completely leaving the world of college, I will definitely have a bit more independence. And he'll have some fun role in it all, I'm sure. It's going to be an adventure :)
Speaking of adventures -- break has already been pretty snazzy. I got home from the interview and caught up with mom a bit. Hannah and I were going out to catch up, so I convinced mom to come. She first declined, saying she didn't want to go to one of those "pick up bars where girls wear short skirts," but we told her she could bring Boomer and we'd go to Red's... and who could turn that down?
So mom, Hannah, Pat, me, and Boomer headed to the bar :). Red's is fun.. it's this outdoor live music place on Shem Creek -- always filled with buckets of beer and lots of labs. Boomer frollicked with the other puppies, and we sat around talking about life. It was nice.. really nice. I really love my family, and Hannah's basically my sister.. so it felt very homey :)
The fam is just... funny. Nolan is 13 years old and 6'3 (240 lbs or something ridiculous). I pulled in the driveway, and he was checking the mail... I made some joke about recruiters, and he responded,
"No, Bridge... we're waiting to hear if Eric got into college yet."
--"We?"
"Yeah, we. Would you want to live with him another year?!"
It was pretty funny. They're the last two in the house, and I think they're both ready to do their own things. Nolan's very concerned about the whole process :)
Today was pretty low key -- I worked on discerning grad school stuff a little more, then started a mini condo-search to see whats out there. Grandma and dad came in a little later -- we decided kind of last minute that she would be moving in with us; her PT messed up her treatment, and she's had a lot of trouble getting around... so she's moving in. As of three days ago? I'm excited to spend some time with her, but I know she's frustrated. She has a very independent spirit, so I hate seeing a walker tie her down. And as anyone who has ever met my family knows -- our house is far from a peaceful retreat. We'll be keeping her busy :)
So that's Charleston... lots of busy fun, but not too many plans. I'm heading out to Kiawah/doing bridesmaid stuff with Mary Helen later this week, which will be AMAZING!! She's going to be a beautiful bride, inside and out :). ... and I have shopping to do, lab stuff to plan, dates to set, etc. Nothing unmaneageable, but plenty to keep me busy.
.. on to watch the office and look up recipes! :)
Monday, March 2, 2009
birthday reflections :)
I've been up since 8am... slowly going through my to-do's and watching the beautiful snow melt :) There's something to be said for a snow day on a birthday... a special gift, indeed!
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. I'm fully wrapped up in my future, but I'm still trying super hard to love on life in the present. So many exciting things are happening -- fun adventures with friends, everyone in life getting married, grad school offers (got into Carolina with a big ole' stipend! hooray!), participants, camp planning, and graduation on the horizon.
I've gone from feeling continuously overwhelmed to perpetually excited, which I think is a step in the right (or healthy, at least) direction. Life is slowly coming together, which I appreciate very much. I'm not a limbo type of girl.
It's still a bit weird, though -- having so many changes on the horizon. Grad school always seemed like a given for me -- I knew that the things I wanted to do with my life would require a doctorate, so there's never been a question that I would go eventually. Going right after Furman made sense -- I'm so excited to be tackling a new life and a new city, to spend more time studying the things I love and really trying to make a difference. I'm ready for a new adventure.
So that's a brief life update. As for today... for my birthday, I would like middle school students to sign up for my study. And a bazillion more snow days. Wouldn't that be nice ;)
Thanks for all the sweet wishes!!
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind. I'm fully wrapped up in my future, but I'm still trying super hard to love on life in the present. So many exciting things are happening -- fun adventures with friends, everyone in life getting married, grad school offers (got into Carolina with a big ole' stipend! hooray!), participants, camp planning, and graduation on the horizon.
I've gone from feeling continuously overwhelmed to perpetually excited, which I think is a step in the right (or healthy, at least) direction. Life is slowly coming together, which I appreciate very much. I'm not a limbo type of girl.
It's still a bit weird, though -- having so many changes on the horizon. Grad school always seemed like a given for me -- I knew that the things I wanted to do with my life would require a doctorate, so there's never been a question that I would go eventually. Going right after Furman made sense -- I'm so excited to be tackling a new life and a new city, to spend more time studying the things I love and really trying to make a difference. I'm ready for a new adventure.
So that's a brief life update. As for today... for my birthday, I would like middle school students to sign up for my study. And a bazillion more snow days. Wouldn't that be nice ;)
Thanks for all the sweet wishes!!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
better
I'm better today. One day later, I'm better.
Friends help with life, I've decided. And my friends are fantastic... some of them are blindly supportive (which I deeply appreciate), whereas others are incredibly invested in the process (which I also deeply appreciate, in a whole different way). As we all get ready to go our separate ways, I've begun to realize how important diverse friends really are. We work. It's wonderful.
Cory's a trooper, too. The stress of all of this is getting to me a bit, and he's been incredibly patient with my strange and jumbled emotions. I had a very non-glamorous tear fest about everything last night, and he had me laughing over the innocently sacrificed soggy green beans 30 minutes later. We're a team... especially when we're out in the back yard at strange hours trying to get his dumb dog inside.
Jake. The bane of existence. He's adorable, but when he doesn't want to come inside, he's not coming. We finally (after an hour) had to throw his ball at his head (deflated, it didn't hurt him) to disorient him, at which point I tackled him. Very glamorous.
So I'm going to go cook lunch. I have strange ingredients I need to use up, so I don't know what will come of this little adventure. I miss cooking though... I can't wait to get back into it. (I'm not going out of town until March 5!! YAY!!... aka I can keep groceries).
Yay, Sunday.
Friends help with life, I've decided. And my friends are fantastic... some of them are blindly supportive (which I deeply appreciate), whereas others are incredibly invested in the process (which I also deeply appreciate, in a whole different way). As we all get ready to go our separate ways, I've begun to realize how important diverse friends really are. We work. It's wonderful.
Cory's a trooper, too. The stress of all of this is getting to me a bit, and he's been incredibly patient with my strange and jumbled emotions. I had a very non-glamorous tear fest about everything last night, and he had me laughing over the innocently sacrificed soggy green beans 30 minutes later. We're a team... especially when we're out in the back yard at strange hours trying to get his dumb dog inside.
Jake. The bane of existence. He's adorable, but when he doesn't want to come inside, he's not coming. We finally (after an hour) had to throw his ball at his head (deflated, it didn't hurt him) to disorient him, at which point I tackled him. Very glamorous.
So I'm going to go cook lunch. I have strange ingredients I need to use up, so I don't know what will come of this little adventure. I miss cooking though... I can't wait to get back into it. (I'm not going out of town until March 5!! YAY!!... aka I can keep groceries).
Yay, Sunday.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
... one to go!
Last night was wonderful, but I slept terribly. I woke up every hour or so, in a complete panic that I was late for something. It all started by me half-sleepily-dreaming I fell down the stairs during an interview... that kind of half-dream that jolts you back to wakefulness, embarrassed and swearing that you actually broke your ankle in your sleep.
Sounds fun, huh?
Clearly, stress has gotten the best of me :). It's not bad stress, really.. just life stress. For example, a cold that I should have bounced back from in 2 days is still mildly lingering with me two weeks later. My to-do lists seem unmaneageable... a strange combination of pressing small things that I'm constantly forgetting and large life-changing things I can't even "to-do" yet, but know I will have to "to-do" in the near future. "Near" being completely a completely unknown length of time, of course.
It's also nowhere in my personality to spend 24-40 hours each week dressed in a suit trying to impress people. My interview yesterday (USC) went REALLY well... REALLY REALLY well... I'll know for sure by the 6th, but it's looking good. Which is fantastic, but instead of being super excited, I felt super overwhelmed. I'm realizing how weighty this decision really is... and how many factors are going to play in. Location, assistantships, research match, student comrodery, mentor personality, cost of living, practica, coursework balance, autism practicum oppourtunities... gah. No one school is absolutley perfect (of course), but I hate making the decision based on "cons." I know that the things I think are lacking now may manifest themselves differently later.
It's just a little scary.
I'm under a lot of pressure, and I think I need to just de-stress. My participant today canceled, which is bad for my future but great for right now. I need to clean my room and watch office re-runs. I need to sit and daydream for a few minutes about bridesmaid dresses (it's a weakness of mine.. I'm not engaged, don't worry) and plan out fun recipes for the week and be distracted from school (current and future) for a little bit. Isn't that what Saturdays are for?
So I will now paint my toenails pink, drink iced coffee, look up recipes, and watch TLC. And enjoy a Saturday.
mmhmm.
:)
Sounds fun, huh?
Clearly, stress has gotten the best of me :). It's not bad stress, really.. just life stress. For example, a cold that I should have bounced back from in 2 days is still mildly lingering with me two weeks later. My to-do lists seem unmaneageable... a strange combination of pressing small things that I'm constantly forgetting and large life-changing things I can't even "to-do" yet, but know I will have to "to-do" in the near future. "Near" being completely a completely unknown length of time, of course.
It's also nowhere in my personality to spend 24-40 hours each week dressed in a suit trying to impress people. My interview yesterday (USC) went REALLY well... REALLY REALLY well... I'll know for sure by the 6th, but it's looking good. Which is fantastic, but instead of being super excited, I felt super overwhelmed. I'm realizing how weighty this decision really is... and how many factors are going to play in. Location, assistantships, research match, student comrodery, mentor personality, cost of living, practica, coursework balance, autism practicum oppourtunities... gah. No one school is absolutley perfect (of course), but I hate making the decision based on "cons." I know that the things I think are lacking now may manifest themselves differently later.
It's just a little scary.
I'm under a lot of pressure, and I think I need to just de-stress. My participant today canceled, which is bad for my future but great for right now. I need to clean my room and watch office re-runs. I need to sit and daydream for a few minutes about bridesmaid dresses (it's a weakness of mine.. I'm not engaged, don't worry) and plan out fun recipes for the week and be distracted from school (current and future) for a little bit. Isn't that what Saturdays are for?
So I will now paint my toenails pink, drink iced coffee, look up recipes, and watch TLC. And enjoy a Saturday.
mmhmm.
:)
Monday, February 16, 2009
whatever it is . zac brown band
She's got eyes that cut you like a knife and
lips that taste like sweet red wine
And pretty legs go to heaven every time
She got a gentle way that puts me at ease
When she walks in the room I can hardly breathe
Got a devastating smile knock a grown man to his knees
She's got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything I wanted to say to a woman
but couldn't find the words to say
She's got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Because every time I try and tell her how I feel
it comes out "I love you"
You got whatever it is
You know I've never been the type that would ever want to stay
Bring 'em home at night and they're gone the next day
But that all changed when she walked into my life
People ask me what it is
I tell them I don't know
Just something about the woman makes my heart go haywire
She's gonna be my wife
She's got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything I wanted to say to a woman
but couldn't find the words to say
She's got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Because every time I try and tell her how I feel
it comes out "I love you"
You got whatever it is
When she loves me
Girl that's how I feel
When she loves me I'm on top of the world
Because when she loves me I can live forever
When she loves me I am untouchable
She's got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything I wanted to say to a woman
but couldn't find the words to say
She's got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Because every time I try and tell her how I feel
it comes out "I love you"
You got whatever it is
lips that taste like sweet red wine
And pretty legs go to heaven every time
She got a gentle way that puts me at ease
When she walks in the room I can hardly breathe
Got a devastating smile knock a grown man to his knees
She's got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything I wanted to say to a woman
but couldn't find the words to say
She's got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Because every time I try and tell her how I feel
it comes out "I love you"
You got whatever it is
You know I've never been the type that would ever want to stay
Bring 'em home at night and they're gone the next day
But that all changed when she walked into my life
People ask me what it is
I tell them I don't know
Just something about the woman makes my heart go haywire
She's gonna be my wife
She's got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything I wanted to say to a woman
but couldn't find the words to say
She's got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Because every time I try and tell her how I feel
it comes out "I love you"
You got whatever it is
When she loves me
Girl that's how I feel
When she loves me I'm on top of the world
Because when she loves me I can live forever
When she loves me I am untouchable
She's got whatever it is
It blows me away
She's everything I wanted to say to a woman
but couldn't find the words to say
She's got whatever it is
I don't know what to do
Because every time I try and tell her how I feel
it comes out "I love you"
You got whatever it is
Monday, February 9, 2009
first offer!
I got home from work this morning and found out that...
::drumroll please::
I GOT INTO SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI!
hooray!
They have a great doctorate program in school psychology that has a huge behavioral emphasis on autism. Great research match, very personable faculty... less research oriented, but graduates go on to do great things.
So I'm in somewhere :) ... and its fully funded with a stipend. I'm so happy.
... now, off to class...
::drumroll please::
I GOT INTO SOUTHERN MISSISSIPPI!
hooray!
They have a great doctorate program in school psychology that has a huge behavioral emphasis on autism. Great research match, very personable faculty... less research oriented, but graduates go on to do great things.
So I'm in somewhere :) ... and its fully funded with a stipend. I'm so happy.
... now, off to class...
Friday, February 6, 2009
whoa hey
-- wrote this a few days ago, never posted it --
I made myself do nothing for two hours this morning.
It was scary, really. I woke up at 8 and convinced myself to go back to sleep. I woke up again and decided to get up, but only if I facebooked and blogged and watched Regis and Kelly.
No, really. I did.
I've been working super hard this term, and it's finally all paying off... but I haven't had a lot of me time lately. If Furman has taught me one thing (other than the humility of knowing there is so much left to learn)... it's been a little self awareness. I know myself well enough now to know that if -- occasionally -- I don't make myself be unproductive, I'll get shingles.
No, really.
But there's a catch -- I'm a very internal person. I wouldn't call myself an introvert, but I definitely mull over conversations (good and bad) and think things through. In a sense, my heart is being "productive" 99% of the time. I've finally learned that even productivity of the heart can wear you out. Sometimes I have to just stop thinking about things that matter for a few hours.
Regis and Kelly help with that :)
This term in general has been a very thought-provoking experience. So many decisions are going to be made before now and April 1. Decisions and experiences. And commitments.
The (second) biggest one is graduate school. I am going on three more interviews this term, which is an honor in and of itself... but then I have to decide where to take the bait. The search for psych doctorate programs has the extra challenges of finding that place with a mentor who can inspire, a program that can challenge, and research that can provide opportunities room for personalization. Oh, and money. Some programs will pay your way, others can't (especially with the economy). It would be so nice to not have to be completely broke for five more years..
Some people have commitment phobia, but I love it. I love the idea of finding what's right and pursuing it with all my heart. I don't think through decisions when they're offered, I come up with a plan ahead of time. aka... in waiting for offers and such, my heart is more active than it will be when I actually get the call. I'm deciding where I'm spending the next few years, but the decision goes so far beyond that. I'm realizing that in the next years, I'll shift from a "me" to a "we"... and I'm overjoyed to share these decisions with Cory.
"carpe the damn diem", right?
So lots going on. I'll share more of the personal stuff a little later, but on the business edge.. I got accepted to present my research at both NCUR (an undergraduate research conference in Wisconsin) as well as the International Conference for Autism Research in Chicago (YAYY!!!). The catch with INFAR is that the last day of the conference is my graduation... so I have to get an earlier presentation time (so I can fly back and walk!)
Oh, and I have to actually get participants, run the study, and analyze the data.
Minor details (aah!?)
We're *finally* starting to recruit middle school kids to help out. This weekend, I'm setting up the lab and making copies and filing folders and so on and so forth (... for those of you who know me and my "quirks", I'm in research heaven). We'll be running participants over the next few weeks. I'm so stoked.
Less business-y... Tri Delt is in full bloom. We have sisterhood stuff tonight (D themed function.. Cory and I still don't know what we're going as... if we do the "darn good looking" thing, we can just go as ourselves... haha), and tomorrow night (big sis revelation), and sunday night (slating. aah!). I'm excited, but I'm also ready to just go back to normal life.
I can't wait for summer :)
I'll be back at camp, which is SO exciting. I'm ready for a summer of outside fun with the most incredible people in the world... what better transition into the next phases of life? I can't wait to be reunited with camper friends and staff friends, watch my hot boyfriend drive around on a tractor (kidding..), and really make a difference. My position at camp will be to help breathe some life into the camper worker program.. so I'll be in charge of working with the campers who work at camp (that sounds confusing) and making sure they're challenging themselves, working hard, fostering community, and enjoying a fun and exciting summer.
It will be perfect.
... more later
I made myself do nothing for two hours this morning.
It was scary, really. I woke up at 8 and convinced myself to go back to sleep. I woke up again and decided to get up, but only if I facebooked and blogged and watched Regis and Kelly.
No, really. I did.
I've been working super hard this term, and it's finally all paying off... but I haven't had a lot of me time lately. If Furman has taught me one thing (other than the humility of knowing there is so much left to learn)... it's been a little self awareness. I know myself well enough now to know that if -- occasionally -- I don't make myself be unproductive, I'll get shingles.
No, really.
But there's a catch -- I'm a very internal person. I wouldn't call myself an introvert, but I definitely mull over conversations (good and bad) and think things through. In a sense, my heart is being "productive" 99% of the time. I've finally learned that even productivity of the heart can wear you out. Sometimes I have to just stop thinking about things that matter for a few hours.
Regis and Kelly help with that :)
This term in general has been a very thought-provoking experience. So many decisions are going to be made before now and April 1. Decisions and experiences. And commitments.
The (second) biggest one is graduate school. I am going on three more interviews this term, which is an honor in and of itself... but then I have to decide where to take the bait. The search for psych doctorate programs has the extra challenges of finding that place with a mentor who can inspire, a program that can challenge, and research that can provide opportunities room for personalization. Oh, and money. Some programs will pay your way, others can't (especially with the economy). It would be so nice to not have to be completely broke for five more years..
Some people have commitment phobia, but I love it. I love the idea of finding what's right and pursuing it with all my heart. I don't think through decisions when they're offered, I come up with a plan ahead of time. aka... in waiting for offers and such, my heart is more active than it will be when I actually get the call. I'm deciding where I'm spending the next few years, but the decision goes so far beyond that. I'm realizing that in the next years, I'll shift from a "me" to a "we"... and I'm overjoyed to share these decisions with Cory.
"carpe the damn diem", right?
So lots going on. I'll share more of the personal stuff a little later, but on the business edge.. I got accepted to present my research at both NCUR (an undergraduate research conference in Wisconsin) as well as the International Conference for Autism Research in Chicago (YAYY!!!). The catch with INFAR is that the last day of the conference is my graduation... so I have to get an earlier presentation time (so I can fly back and walk!)
Oh, and I have to actually get participants, run the study, and analyze the data.
Minor details (aah!?)
We're *finally* starting to recruit middle school kids to help out. This weekend, I'm setting up the lab and making copies and filing folders and so on and so forth (... for those of you who know me and my "quirks", I'm in research heaven). We'll be running participants over the next few weeks. I'm so stoked.
Less business-y... Tri Delt is in full bloom. We have sisterhood stuff tonight (D themed function.. Cory and I still don't know what we're going as... if we do the "darn good looking" thing, we can just go as ourselves... haha), and tomorrow night (big sis revelation), and sunday night (slating. aah!). I'm excited, but I'm also ready to just go back to normal life.
I can't wait for summer :)
I'll be back at camp, which is SO exciting. I'm ready for a summer of outside fun with the most incredible people in the world... what better transition into the next phases of life? I can't wait to be reunited with camper friends and staff friends, watch my hot boyfriend drive around on a tractor (kidding..), and really make a difference. My position at camp will be to help breathe some life into the camper worker program.. so I'll be in charge of working with the campers who work at camp (that sounds confusing) and making sure they're challenging themselves, working hard, fostering community, and enjoying a fun and exciting summer.
It will be perfect.
... more later
Friday, January 30, 2009
... home ...
Every time I come home, I feel like I'm on vacation. Granted, I'm not... I'm teaching a class on Monday, have a huge test due Tuesday, a big/important class on Wednesday, and a huge meeting Thursday... but when I'm home, I can work at my own pace.
It's nice.
I think I relax because home is actually crazier than I am. I woke up this morning and found out Boomer has a new thing for gum. In the middle of the night, he apparently went into someone's bag and stole an entire pack of orbit. He then went around the house leaving a trail of wrappers as he went through each piece. We found an empty, chewed up box and silver wrappers under the dining room table this morning.
Thief.
But seriously... whose dog chews gum? And he still makes these strange noises (ever since we got a bark collar, he's learned what other creative/obnoxious noises he can make to not set it off but still get his point across)... and guards his crate when he thinks someone might shut the door (autism?), and all sorts of other strange things...
::phew::
Yep, I love being home.
The reason I'm home is extra exciting -- we're celebrating Hannah's birthday! I'm not sure exactly what the festivities entail, but I know we're going to the Havenots tonight (which is always amazingly fun... great improv group!) and going out downtown tomorrow night. I love being a tourist in my own city, too... I turned 21 after I went to college, so its nice to be able to actually go out on adventures now.
So many adventures these days...
The interview at UGA was incredible. I've got three more on the radar right now and three schools that I haven't heard good or bad from. 4/4 ain't too shabby, so I'm excited that my hard work is paying off. I'll be even more excited if someone takes me :)
Okay, off to shower and get ready for my day (at 11:30. nice.). Lunch with mom, then downtown with the girls!
It's nice.
I think I relax because home is actually crazier than I am. I woke up this morning and found out Boomer has a new thing for gum. In the middle of the night, he apparently went into someone's bag and stole an entire pack of orbit. He then went around the house leaving a trail of wrappers as he went through each piece. We found an empty, chewed up box and silver wrappers under the dining room table this morning.
Thief.
But seriously... whose dog chews gum? And he still makes these strange noises (ever since we got a bark collar, he's learned what other creative/obnoxious noises he can make to not set it off but still get his point across)... and guards his crate when he thinks someone might shut the door (autism?), and all sorts of other strange things...
::phew::
Yep, I love being home.
The reason I'm home is extra exciting -- we're celebrating Hannah's birthday! I'm not sure exactly what the festivities entail, but I know we're going to the Havenots tonight (which is always amazingly fun... great improv group!) and going out downtown tomorrow night. I love being a tourist in my own city, too... I turned 21 after I went to college, so its nice to be able to actually go out on adventures now.
So many adventures these days...
The interview at UGA was incredible. I've got three more on the radar right now and three schools that I haven't heard good or bad from. 4/4 ain't too shabby, so I'm excited that my hard work is paying off. I'll be even more excited if someone takes me :)
Okay, off to shower and get ready for my day (at 11:30. nice.). Lunch with mom, then downtown with the girls!
Sunday, January 25, 2009
quick life update...
- I'm leaving for my UGA interview in 2 hours. AAH! So pumped. Amazing program...
- Sounds like I'm going back to camp this summer :)
- All of my friends are getting married. I'm just sayin'.
- BID DAY TODAY!! Sad I'm missing it, but happy for the new girls
- Going home Thursday for Hannah's bday/see the fam... yay!!
- Got IRB approval for my thesis. Big deal. Exciting. Hooray.
- Teaching my first class in a week? Scaryfun.
- Cory is an amazing, loving, patient, supportive boyfriend
- I miss having time to type full blog entries.
... wish me luck!! :)
- Sounds like I'm going back to camp this summer :)
- All of my friends are getting married. I'm just sayin'.
- BID DAY TODAY!! Sad I'm missing it, but happy for the new girls
- Going home Thursday for Hannah's bday/see the fam... yay!!
- Got IRB approval for my thesis. Big deal. Exciting. Hooray.
- Teaching my first class in a week? Scaryfun.
- Cory is an amazing, loving, patient, supportive boyfriend
- I miss having time to type full blog entries.
... wish me luck!! :)
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
change
A lot of changes are going on in life right now. The semester is changing, which is usually plenty to throw me- at least for a small loop. But this is also my last semester. I've changed my whole schedule -- no more nannying. I'm done with my final Brewer class... I'm graduating... I'm going back to camp... then I'm moving... and some other changes, too, I'm sure ;)
One of my goals this term is to really contemplate life again. I've always said I have a Dominican heart; their motto is "to contemplate and to give to the others the fruit of contemplation." I pray by contemplating, I live by contemplating. I don't want to be too busy to really invest in my experiences, you know? When I don't take the time to really think, I don't enjoy the amazing things that go on in my life.
So I blew the dust off the cover of one of my favorite Catholic classics: The Imitation of Christ by St Thomas A'Kempis. The tiny book is a series of reflections on all sorts of aspects of the spiritual life, and St. T has a tendency to express things in a way that really resonate with my flavor of spirituality.
--
Chapter 33
The Inconstancy of Our Heart and Directing Our Final Intention to God
Son, trust not to thy present affection, it will quickly be changed into another.
As long as thou livest thou art subject to change, even against thy will; so as to be sometimes joyful, at other times sad; now easy, again troubled; at one time devout, at another dry; sometimes fervent, at other times sluggish; one day heavy, another lighter.
But he that is wise and well instructed in spirit stands above all these changes; not minding what he feels in himself, nor on what side the wind of instability blows; but that the whole bent of his soul may advance towards his due and wished-for end. ...
Thomas A'Kempis
My Imitation of Christ
--
Isn't it beautiful?? I just love the description of the "whole bent of his soul"... makes me really think beyond how I'm doing in the moment, and instead on how I'm doing in the bigger picture. Despite the little battles and the mundane experiences of every day life, what is the tendency of my heart?
More importantly, the end will be "due" and "wished for." Our actions have consequences, our lives have purpose. With those two givens comes great joy and grave responsibility... both for ourselves and for the ones we love.
Surveying the bent of my soul. Perhaps a belated New Year's resolution? Sounds good to me :)
One of my goals this term is to really contemplate life again. I've always said I have a Dominican heart; their motto is "to contemplate and to give to the others the fruit of contemplation." I pray by contemplating, I live by contemplating. I don't want to be too busy to really invest in my experiences, you know? When I don't take the time to really think, I don't enjoy the amazing things that go on in my life.
So I blew the dust off the cover of one of my favorite Catholic classics: The Imitation of Christ by St Thomas A'Kempis. The tiny book is a series of reflections on all sorts of aspects of the spiritual life, and St. T has a tendency to express things in a way that really resonate with my flavor of spirituality.
--
Chapter 33
The Inconstancy of Our Heart and Directing Our Final Intention to God
Son, trust not to thy present affection, it will quickly be changed into another.
As long as thou livest thou art subject to change, even against thy will; so as to be sometimes joyful, at other times sad; now easy, again troubled; at one time devout, at another dry; sometimes fervent, at other times sluggish; one day heavy, another lighter.
But he that is wise and well instructed in spirit stands above all these changes; not minding what he feels in himself, nor on what side the wind of instability blows; but that the whole bent of his soul may advance towards his due and wished-for end. ...
Thomas A'Kempis
My Imitation of Christ
--
Isn't it beautiful?? I just love the description of the "whole bent of his soul"... makes me really think beyond how I'm doing in the moment, and instead on how I'm doing in the bigger picture. Despite the little battles and the mundane experiences of every day life, what is the tendency of my heart?
More importantly, the end will be "due" and "wished for." Our actions have consequences, our lives have purpose. With those two givens comes great joy and grave responsibility... both for ourselves and for the ones we love.
Surveying the bent of my soul. Perhaps a belated New Year's resolution? Sounds good to me :)
Saturday, January 10, 2009
beginning of the end :)
Christmas break is already over?
I'm back at Furman... got in around midnight after a very quick drive from Nashville (compared to the very long and rainy drive to get there). The trip was short but sweet -- nice to catch up with old friends, both from Furman and from my lovely summer at Vandy. We explored some of the most wonderful Nashville spots... aside from some peaceful times at the Renfro's abode, we explored Franklin, played in Hillsboro Village, enjoyed the magic of Las Paletas (popsicles!!.. I got Mexican Caramel... yum!), and briefly went out downtown (including to the Staaaaage). One of the hilights was reuniting with my roommates from the summer -- it was so special to catch up and share stories with old friends and new friends.. they're fantastic, so I miss them dearly... but I really really loved getting to spend time together.
Jessie and I also had some wonderful car conversations... we used to talk deep philosophical spiritual stuff all the time, but school got the best of us I suppose... we haven't had time to talk non-stress, if that makes much sense :) It was nice to bounce all of my Christmas break thoughts off of someone who understands my words, even when I don't. And we harmonize similarly, so jamming out was equally pleasant.
I've been thinking a lot about faith things lately... especially over break. I'm realizing that my ways of interracting with people really reflects how I view God. Conversations -- good, deep, complicated conversations -- bring me so much joy, so I crave them. I feel the same tug in spiritual conversations with God.. just this craving for reciprocal understanding. The people in my life are really important to me -- I cherish the conversations we have -- and I get really sad when I feel like friendships become void of those conversations.. when they become flat and dull. I have that same sadness when my conversations with God don't feel reciprocal.. like I'm not giving enough or He isn't revealing enough.
Just something I've been thinking about :)
So I'm spending the rest of the weekend unpacking, doing laundry, and getting my ducks in line for the term. My classes don't start until Tuesday, but I'm doing some job interview things on Monday and working on some thesis projects. I think I've decided not to take on a waitressing job this term -- I'm pretty sure I was accepted for a really good position, but I'm worried I'll stretch myself thin. If I'm really careful, I should be able to get by without another job this term... I'm a little scared about entering grad school semi-broke, but summer work will help. I just can't tell which would be more stressful -- too little time or too little money. Spring term senior year, I'm going to risk chipping into savings -- I can't earn this time back.
So that's the deal... I think I'm ready for my last term at Furman to begin... I'm not sad or scared, just kind of excited and anxious. Ready to see what happens next, but determined not to miss the process.
I'm back at Furman... got in around midnight after a very quick drive from Nashville (compared to the very long and rainy drive to get there). The trip was short but sweet -- nice to catch up with old friends, both from Furman and from my lovely summer at Vandy. We explored some of the most wonderful Nashville spots... aside from some peaceful times at the Renfro's abode, we explored Franklin, played in Hillsboro Village, enjoyed the magic of Las Paletas (popsicles!!.. I got Mexican Caramel... yum!), and briefly went out downtown (including to the Staaaaage). One of the hilights was reuniting with my roommates from the summer -- it was so special to catch up and share stories with old friends and new friends.. they're fantastic, so I miss them dearly... but I really really loved getting to spend time together.
Jessie and I also had some wonderful car conversations... we used to talk deep philosophical spiritual stuff all the time, but school got the best of us I suppose... we haven't had time to talk non-stress, if that makes much sense :) It was nice to bounce all of my Christmas break thoughts off of someone who understands my words, even when I don't. And we harmonize similarly, so jamming out was equally pleasant.
I've been thinking a lot about faith things lately... especially over break. I'm realizing that my ways of interracting with people really reflects how I view God. Conversations -- good, deep, complicated conversations -- bring me so much joy, so I crave them. I feel the same tug in spiritual conversations with God.. just this craving for reciprocal understanding. The people in my life are really important to me -- I cherish the conversations we have -- and I get really sad when I feel like friendships become void of those conversations.. when they become flat and dull. I have that same sadness when my conversations with God don't feel reciprocal.. like I'm not giving enough or He isn't revealing enough.
Just something I've been thinking about :)
So I'm spending the rest of the weekend unpacking, doing laundry, and getting my ducks in line for the term. My classes don't start until Tuesday, but I'm doing some job interview things on Monday and working on some thesis projects. I think I've decided not to take on a waitressing job this term -- I'm pretty sure I was accepted for a really good position, but I'm worried I'll stretch myself thin. If I'm really careful, I should be able to get by without another job this term... I'm a little scared about entering grad school semi-broke, but summer work will help. I just can't tell which would be more stressful -- too little time or too little money. Spring term senior year, I'm going to risk chipping into savings -- I can't earn this time back.
So that's the deal... I think I'm ready for my last term at Furman to begin... I'm not sad or scared, just kind of excited and anxious. Ready to see what happens next, but determined not to miss the process.
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