self regulation

They call it "self regulation" in grad school - all of those crazy things we do to stay sane.

It's amazing how often "self regulation" turns into bad habits :)

I'm trying to do homework - I really am. I've just felt so distracted the last few days. Yes, life is changing - fast... I just don't think I've figured out of I like the changes or not yet. I started out sort of liking grad school, and I'm liking it more every day. It's just.. different. Very different. I'm a dork and love the vast majority of the material we're studying... and I love the empowerment that comes with knowing how to design studies and such (stats? fun? who am I?!)... I'm not quite sold on Columbia (yet), but I think those sentiments have so much more to do with the whole "home is where the heart is" thing. I need to go out and meet people, too. You know - in between classes and homework and such.

I also need to remember why I'm here. Furman taught me a lot about myself and how I learn. My brain just does not seep in information when I'm not passionate about the material. I recognize that I will not be passionate about every ounce of material I study (although grad school is wonderful because all of my classes are at least somewhat relevant to my immediate future!) - but if I do something every day to remind me where I am going, I will be so much more content with where I am.

So it's time to find a community or two.

It's hard trying to "replace" the communities I've relied on for the past few years - friends at Furman, Spearhead, Greer... now scattered around the country. I need to find something Spearhead-esque here. I know there are some local homes for kids with autism... my goal this week is to find some. I do actually have some time to volunteer in the mornings, and those hours would even pay off later when it comes time to find internships. I need to network, but really - I need those kids back in my life. My campers in Greenville are my heros and my inspiration. I miss them :(

I also need to find a church. Young adults (ie 20-30s) often slip through the cracks in parishes - unless you're married, have kids, or are a emo-esque highschooler, many churches don't have a lot of programs fro you. I know one of the local parishes does "theology on tap" -- which I think would be SO fun (and Cory would love it too!). Beer and Catholic theology? Yes, please.

I need something to do other than hang out with the people in my program (who are GREAT.. but few) and "nest." Yes, nest. My mother used the term a few weeks ago to describe my rabid searches for vintage-inspired fabrics and cheap-but-chic furniture... I'm nesting. She pointed out I've always done it - whenever I'm in a new place, I meticulously craft away at my environment until its comfy and cozy and me.

Hey - I'm slowly getting close!

Since I moved in, I've repainted the coffee table, dresser (twice), side table, desk... and then I reupholstered two barstools, painted a giant canvas (Herbert!), recovered 3 bulletin boards, and put together fabric panels to go in the living room. And two for my bedroom. And covered picture frames in all of my scraps.

Hey -- it looks awesome.

I've become absolutely obsessed with Amy Butler fabrics. The girls helping design our wedding decor introduced me to her -- and I'm HOOKED. She does these fun, vintage inspired prints... and while her fabric is pricey, I just buy tiny quantities and use them in very visual places (fabric panels, for example). Fortunately for my soul (and unfortunately for my budget), a lot of local shops carry her gorgeous lines. It's amazing.

I really want to get a sewing machine, but I know it would be the end of me -- I'd blow my entire stipend on fabric and pillow forms. BUT when I'm done "nesting" and the wedding gets close, I may indulge and do some of the runners and linens for the reception. With Amy Butler fabric.

It's so bad.

I made a yard and a half go a looong way... but by the end, I was pulling the "don't spare any part of the buffalo" mentality. Picture frames and glue guns are awesome for using up little corners of fabric...

H'okay. I need to go study. I'm getting used to this whole read-every-spare-second-you-get grad school thing, but I'm not too good at it yet. I've spent the day moving around furniture (Cory scoffed when I told him -- but the stuff is HEAVY -- even if my apartment is tiny) and painting. And putting together my bookshelf.

aka NOT doing the stats homework I promised myself I would do today.

:)