mmmm sunday mornings ...

i love sunday mornings.

i'm sitting on our cozy futon, drinking my coffee... the porch door is open, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping... it's nice. really, really nice.

this weekend was wonderful... friday was a bit insane, started with a fun little breakfast date (woot stax at 6:30 am with the old people!!) with the amazing bf... then i napped and studied for my econ exam (and we had homework due friday night at 11 that i totally forgot about... oops), then i hauled out to woodruff to run errands, then hauled back for a meeting, cooked dinner, and headed off to the uc for our sisterhood retreat.

rush is going to be amazing this year :)

after the retreat, a bunch of us curled up and watched 13 going on 30... which is adorable. i haven't watched a chick flick (or any sort of movie, really) in a very long time. after watching some of the movie, i headed out to greer so i wouldn't have to get up at the crack of dawn.

my all-too-chipper-at-that-hour bf woke me up at 6am on saturday to start my first-ever carolina football experience. the game was at 12:30, so we clearly had to get there around 9am. and since we were going to columbia and had to make a few stops along the way, 9am arrival translated to 7:15am departure.

sweet.

jake (cory's boxer. adorable dog, btw) got really annoyed that i locked him out while i got ready (hair straightener + fearless dog with an affinity for weed-whacker blades and the front bumper of moving cars = bad plan), so he somehow managed to push his tennis ball through the crack UNDER the door, then stick his paw through... so i turned around to see a ball and a paw, ready for action. it was the cutest thing i've ever seen. jake and i are tight, for sure.

so the game... i first witnessed the adornment of the car. out came magnet after magnet, carefully arranged so as to leave no doubt in the minds of passerbys that we were, in fact, headed to cola for the game. and just in case the magnets blended into the car too much.. we had flags, too. no one warned me about the flags.

so about 7:30 am, i find myself in the beer aisle at publix. even my german/irish blood can't handle the beer aisle at 7:30. apparently it's "all part of the experience"

eventually, we get to the game.. and the whole thing was amazing. tailgating is fun, especially since cory's mom could cook emeril under the table. and i got to meet some of cory's old fraternity brothers, which is always interesting.

but the game was really amazing. i've grown up around football all my life, but i've never really gotten into it. something about seeing a good game live, though.. i found myself getting all wrapped up in the plays and super excited when things went well... it was awesome. it probably helped that i was in good company.. and cam came after the lsats, which was really fun ;) it put furman games to shame. and as for missing the fu/wofford game for usc? no regrets. it was one of the highlights of my fall, for sure.

my boyfriend is a dirty liar, though. he told me right before we were about to score that whenever usc got a touchdown, everyone kissed the people around them.. and we happened to be sitting behind two very big, burly, rough looking gentlemen. i didn't really believe him, but he said it in a way that i wasn't really sure... bad friend.

ooh! and i knew the homecoming queen! she was a tridelt, and i had met her at the regional conference last spring.. we were in the same workshops, so i spent most of the weekend with her. really nice girl.. and she wore her little "tri-delta hearts the gamecocks" button on the field. i was really happy for her!!

after the post-game tailgate (mm), we headed back to gvegas. watermelon had an ocd meltdown because i had missed our friday call for the sisterhood retreat, but other than that, the car ride went well. after we got back, we watched the florida auburn game.. and i actually really enjoyed it. i got into it. i don't know what's happened to me...

got up super early thismorning to come back to FU, showered and cooked breakfast, cleaned my room, watched the season premiere of the office (FINALLY).. hilarious. absolutely hilarious.

so now i'm off to get some work done... crazy day ahead, i'm sure. hopefully it will be productive, though. i need a productive day.

:-D

:-D

beautiful flowers and a sweet little date... before 7am. this day has to be amazing...

whoa nelly

my whining annoyed me so i'm starting over.

i read through half my blog (yeah, def. procrastinating on that econ studying...) and realized how happy i was at camp. doing what i love. with people i love.

i'm not doing enough of what i love here. i'm not changing the world. i'm not using my gifts. i'm pessimistic and hurting and angry because i feel isolated.

first thing in the morning, i'm making some phone calls. done.

high school flashback

holy cow.. sitting here listening to drummers banging it out for FCA makes me miss high school retreat team stuff.

talk about a blast from the past...

it got me thinking about how the expression of faith changes so much over the years... my beliefs have stayed the same, but with time, they've become more challenged, more worn, if you will. i dont have that glossy optomism sugar-coating everything. i get it -- not entirely, but more. and the emotional appeals just aren't enough anymore.

i don't know. sometimes i get scared that i'm changing too much. i've changed a lot. and i'm happy with it all... i really am. it's just scary to look back and not recognize the person who wrote the words, you know?

i miss the fellowship, though. sometimes i feel like furman is a boat without a sail -- the Catholic community is growing, i just haven't had the chance to really embrace it yet this year. part of me misses the praise and worship fun prayer sessions -- the light hearted side of faith.

isn't there one? no?

oh, right.. when the world crashes and crumbles, a good guitarist doesn't really help, does it?

like.. when was the last time i prayed the rosary? went to confession? really, truly prayed? gut check. dangit. i can see it now... "but God, i just wanted to have fun..." i'm just not used to not having that accountability, i guess.

right. life isn't always fun. "in all of its sweetness and all of its faults, life is a bittersweet waltz..."

maybe i'll start reading every night...

it sounds so worldly and cliche.. but i feel like i've become more "spiritual," if that makes sense... i'm trying to figure myself out, challenging the hard things, going through one of those spiritual identity crises that seem to characterize young adulthood... and i know it's okay to question. questioning isn't doubting... it's growing. and the world isn't furman, and the world isn't green skirts and knee-high argyle socks. it's poverty and pain and joy and sorrow. and the Bible doesn't spell everything out... you can't give the "Sunday school answer" to the friend contemplating abortion. you have to be able to speak the language of the world. it's not "us versus them"... God loves everyone the same. we're all in this together.

life is bigger than i thought.

hmm..

blocks

okay, so counseling class today was really intense.

we talked about ethical issues again.. and it just got really personal. we started talking about bringing baggage from our own lives into the sessions, and it made me think about why i don't think i'd be a good therapist...

i take things so personally. and then i let one personal thing build on another.

the professor talked about leaving things at the door when you come into a session.. taking some stuff with you, but knowing it's there. doing a "gut check," if you will. my new goal is to do that every time i open my mouth.

see... i started building this analogy in my head (shocker, right?), and it had to do with blocks. lots and lots of blocks... every time someone throws something at you, it's like a block lands on your plate, and it catches you off guard. the next thing hits you -- the next stressor -- and it's like that block just stacks on top of the last one... and so on and so forth until it's a leaning tower of stress. finally, it collapses, and the weight of the world comes down on you.

there's another way to do it, i'm learning... let the blocks hit, but don't let them stack. keep things grounded, if you will -- don't let them volatiley stack up... keep control. the highest blocks are the same size as the lower blocks.. they just seem more threatening because you're anticipating the fall. if they're all grounded, there's no need to brace yourself.

so practically, it's just another way of not letting stressors freak you out, i guess.. another way of not letting one thing unneccesarily impact the other.

maybe it makes no sense, i don't know. i'm a visual person. it works for me.

off to lunch... then three more hours of class and an exciting night of econ studying :) :)

oh, love... that's right...

okay, so i had an epiphany in econ today. and rather than do the econ homework, make the three study guides, read the six extensive articles, and write the paper that i need to do tonight (...yeah...), i'm going to write about it.

i had a yucky time at lunch today. i just got sad... my heart hurt... and by the time i left, i felt sick to my stomach.

people at furman are so cliquey sometimes. to the point where i wonder if we're still in middle school. the same drama still goes on... now it just involves alcohol and grad school applications. which, from observation alone, seem to be a bad combination.

so here's the deal.. i was thinking about why i'm so happy sometimes and so unhappy other times... and i thought about when i'm happy and when i'm sad, and i realized a lot of it has to do with groups. i don't like sitting in big groups trying to figure things out.. because i don't like leaving people out, feeling left out, watching people feel left out... i hate all of it. so sitting at a huge lunch table... bothers me. because i see people sitting alone, or people looking sad, and i recognize that i'm unapproachable. i'm in the bubble. and half of the time, i don't want to be there.

but i've kind of known that for awhile. so today i thought about why... and it came down to love.

we are made to thrive in communities of love.

love is self-denial... which is hard in big groups. it turns into an attention thing, which is usually a far cry from a good time. even when i've had a bad day, a good talk with a friend or my boyfriend calms me down and makes me smile.. because the love there is genuine. God created us out of love, and our sole job on earth is to love... so naturally, loving brings us peace and joy.

i get distracted when i'm in huge groups of people... i can't love or listen as easily. and it hurts. and i've noticed that my involvement in some communities changes completely when i'm doing different things with my own life... and that disappoints me. it makes me realize how many of my friendships aren't genuine.. aren't filled with love.

God, i want my friendships to be overflowing with love.

so yes, i'm looking at study abroad programs now. i just want to get out of here.. go study autism in the UK or downes in australia.. and love. get out of this place and love the hell out of the rest of the world. literally. the chances of me actually leaving are slim to none -- i've got internships and jobs brewing here, opportunities and doors opening left and right... but isn't it a nice thought?

::sigh::

i feel a lot better. it's amazing how much identifying a problem puts me to rest. cory and mandy and i were talking the other day about how mandy and i go about problem solving differently -- business major mandy tells the person directly, i try to mind-game them into discovering it on their own. maybe because that's how i figure things out in my own life -- i think about them until i feel better... until i understand why things are the way they are, why i feel the way i do.

i'm learning not everyone thinks the way i do... in fact, very few people do. the person who thinks the closest is now in england. (although safe and sound.. praise Jesus.. and she's going to have a blast...) .. so maybe that has something to do with my mini-funks. no one likes feeling too different.

but see -- even that can't be it, because the people i'm most different from are the ones i'm also most comfortable around. maybe it's a threshold type effect. i don't know.

so that's that.

a few Sir Walter Scott quotes...

"The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than the oak which resists it; and so in great calamities, it sometimes happens that light and frivolous spirits recover their elasticity and presence of mind sooner than those of a loftier character." (too bad i'm a freakin oak)

"One hour of life, crowded to the full with glorious action, and filled with noble risks, is worth whole years of those mean observances of paltry decorum, in which men steal through existence, like sluggish waters through a marsh, without either honor or observation."

seeing red . unwritten law

I'm seein red
Don't think you'll have to see my face again
dont have much time for sympathy
Cause it never happened to me
You're feelin blue now
I think you bit off more than you could chew
And now it's time to make a choice
And all I wanna hear is your...

So follow the leader down
And swallow your pride and drown
When there's no place left to go
Maybe thats when you will know
Follow the leader down
And swallow your pride and drown
When there's no place left to go
Maybe that's when you will know

And foolish lies
Well can't you see I tried to compromise
Cause what you say ain't always true
And I can see the tears in your eyes
And what you said now
Can't stop the words from running through my head
And what I'd do to get through to you
But you'd only do it again

So follow the leader down
And swallow your pride and drown
When there's no place left to go
Maybe that's when you will know
Follow the leader down
And swallow your pride and drown
When there's no place left to go
Maybe that's when you will know

Well I can confess, I don't know what to make from all this mess
Don't have much time for sympathy
But it never happened to me, you're feelin down now
I don't know where I'll be when you come around
And now it's time to make a choice
And all I wanna hear is your voice...

she ain't right . lee brice

She got her daddy's tongue and temper
Sometimes her mouth could use a filter
God shook his head the day he built her
Oh, but I bet he smiled.
She loves and lives her life unruly
Tears up that dirt road up in a dualy
Dangerous, absolutely.
And in a little while...
She'll be roundin' that corner on three wheels
Ain't slowin down, yellin "Come on, jump in"
Always up to somethin, crazy got nothin' on her

She ain't right, she ain't right
She ain't right, but she's just right for me

She says she wants to meet my momma
I said, I don't think you oughta
Be like mixin' oil and water
But by midnight she had
momma on the coffee table dancin'
Comin' unwound
Good God I swear, can't take her anywhere
What's the girl gonna do next

She ain't right, she ain't right
She ain't right, but she's just right for me

Every once and a while she gives me that smile
and says, I just don't see somebody like you
lovin' somebody like me

... she's just right, she's just right.
She ain't right, she's just right for me.

what on earth?

okay, why the funk.

i have been in an on-again-off-again funk since school started. it's getting better, for sure. and for the most part, i'm fine... it's just that occasionally, i'm not. and it's never for a really good reason. i'm just... not. and i know why... it just kind of hit me the other day. and it makes me feel better and worse all at the same time. but knowledge is power, i suppose.

okay, so the country is in this SSRI epidemic, no? doctors are prescribing antidepressants left and right, and it's debatable whether any good number of the prescriptions are helpful or necessary. i went on antidepressants in high school, then decided abruptly not to take them, that i didn't need to and it was stupid.

just a word to the wise: whether or not you need SSRIs in the first place, your body gets used to them. so going off of them, no matter what your original state was, is going to hurt. if you go off them the "right way," the hurt is just physical. if you go off them the "wrong way"... the emotional hurt could get deadly.

so yeah, i went to see my doctor in the spring and essentially told him i thought SSRIs were pointless and i wanted to get off of them and deal with my problems by changing my lifestyle, not by artificially manipulating my seratonin levels. i was going to do it the right way this time (there was a time when i did it all wrong.. bad news bears). so once school got out, i gradually decreased my dose (which, come to find out, was barely enough to have an effect... after researching it i realized it was probably more a mind over body anyway) while spending the summer with my incredible campers.

i had a few bad nights of headaches, but after that, i was fine.. emotionally and physically. turns out i really didnt need the darn things.

shocker, right?

so here's the deal. while i didn't need them, i got used to them. i got used to having that fuzzy mediocrity greet me every day, and not having to worry about greeting the highs and lows that make life.. life.. on my own. i made the conscious decision to throw that safety away in order to embrace the highs and lows that make life... life.

so for the first time in a long time, i'm experiencing life... real life... at Furman.

it's a little strange. i'm doing the things that i did wrong right... i dropped fusab, i'm sleeping, eating better, living more actively and happily... everything is good. but there's a difference.. a big difference.. in not having that little "boost" keeping me from the lows that are normal. i'm feeling normal again.

who would've thought "normal" could be so terrifying?

so yep, that's about it.

the last few days have actually been really good. i'm starting to have a lot more schoolwork, which will get a little nuts towards the end of the week.

mondays are now my favorite day of the week. last night we got chilis to go (fundraiser for st. jude research), then cory and i went and grabbed starbucks, and he taught me to drive stick shift. i called my dad to tell him i drove to the stop sign, and he answered with, "what happened?" ... and responded to my stop sign comment with "INto the stop sign? or TO the stop sign?"

ye of little faith.

so monday was good. and tomorrow i have a breakfast date with one of my amazing sisters. and then i have to buckle down and work. read and study and read and write until the cows come home.

moo. ;)

so yes, i'm going to go get a little done and head off to bed. if only i could be woken up at 4:40...

tithing, twinkies, and tractors

time, talent, treasure.

fr. pat described them tonight as "annoying subjects"... which was the most honest, accurate description of tithing i've ever encountered. we describe it as this amazing, exciting thing... and it's not. ever. especially as a college student.

so i'm selfish. i realized it tonight... God gives us so much time -- precious time -- and we waste it. wasting time is like wasting money.. worse than wasting money, namely because you can't replace time. so i had this little dialogue with God.

"alright, Lord... I'm usually out of time and okay on treasure."
-- "so give me that."
"well... not today. today I have time, but i'm out of treasure."
-- "so give me that."
"but... i'm going to end up spending a whole lot of time building treasure."
-- "so give me that."

wow, God is flexible. He really leaves us no excuse to not do anything. dawgone it.

is that how it goes?

::sigh::

this weekend was really incredible. busy, but incredible. friday was fun -- dinner out downtown with mandy, david, jessie, cory.. i love laughing with them. we laugh a lot. over stupid, funny things. like ordering the right food, or fixing a broken bed, or making tallies on a coozie. it was fantastic.

friday morning i went to see cory's school... adorable. at one point, i watched him chase a pack of shreiking 2nd grade girls around the track outside... they came back red faced, out of breath, smiling, and giggling about how they beat the old gym teacher. he is amazing at his job. it's beautiful.

my tie was awkward as it is every year... in fact, i think it gets more awkward as you get older because you know fewer and fewer people. and awkward upperclassmen go in order that they, too, may thrive in the sea of awkwardness. so o-staff crashed it, did a hot rendition of solider boy.. jessie was my spicey date.. we had a good time. afterwards, we drove by mcdonalds, bought ice cream and iced coffee, and headed to the manor for the first big party of the year.

yeah, iced coffee at a frat party ;)

the manor was really fun but really strange. first, there were camp people there. it was great to see them, but it was a strange fusion of two very different parts of my life. i never realized until recently how much i compartmentalize my life... and sometimes it's a good thing, but sometimes it's a bad thing. it gets a little bipolar when i get stressed because i end up running out of time to pray through the process so i just end up throwing things in hypothetical "good" and "bad" piles. compartmentalization quickly turns to pessimistic generalization. hence my mini-meltdown tonight. but more on that later.

so yes, camp people... added to random, sketchy upperclassmen non-pi-kapp-guys. tres strange. but it was so good to see everyone... and no matter how much those boys have changed over the last few years, they're still classy, fabulous, and ecclectic. and i love it. lots of good conversations, too. that's what i like about furman frat parties.. drunk people still love to discuss religion, sex, and politics. in fact, they may love those discussions even more.

it's amazing.

so i stayed at the manor far later than i had anticipated.. came home, crashed, and woke up early to read an entire book for my autism seminar (had to borrow the professor's copy because mine never came in.. so i literally had to read it in a day). i couldn't put the book down, though, so it all ended up okay in the end. i actually enjoyed having an excuse to read it through... it was called Send in the Idiots: Stories from the Other Side of Autism... and it was a memoire written by a man with autism. he goes back and finds some of his special ed autistic classmates from when he was younger to see how they are and where they've gone with their lives.

his perspective is fascinating.. because to him, conversation is a formula. social interractions are formulas. socialization is a game, and each word, body language, or glance is part of the score. on one level, his portrayal of conversation seems superficial.. on the other hand, he has a point. we learn how to communicate with propriety, so as to feel accepted. we're social beings. some people with ASD just lack that innate formula that the rest of us use to naturally communicate. they learn a formula by observation. and through these formulas, they learn to form friendships, write speeches, participate in relationships, become educated. they learn to be functional, contributng members of society.

after reading the book, i felt jaded with socialization. it all felt so contrived, so unnatural... i'm not sure why. maybe reading about it being broken down to the molecular level... it was like reading the ingredients on a twinkie. never do it if you want to blissfully, ignorantly enjoy each bite.

i've never been one for twinkies, i suppose.

so anyways, that was the book. it was lovely.

saturday the roomies (minus fusabing jessie) and the roomies bf's had a fun little USC-LSU tailgate/fiesta in the apt while we put together our costumes for crush. although the score didn't quite work out as hoped, the group was still a lot of fun. and we had a few snazzy fun visitors, too, which was awesome :) it was really fun... aside from the conversations about my potential children and their potential accents. babymakerbridgette has left the building.

crush was amazing. the theme was "represent your state," and cory and i went as a country boy and ms. teen south carolina. he decked out in john deere gear, work pants and boots, etc.. (i had to talk him out of the leatherman.. the rest of the costume was such a strech for him anyway..), and i wore a cut off jean skirt, a pink tank top with the ms. teen sc speech across it, plus the essential sash and tiarra. he brought an inflatable globe so we could identify where "US Americans" live, and i brought the rainbow trout, much to his protest.

backwoods boy and a fairytale princess...

i just had a blast.. and he was a trooper about meeting so many people at once. and once the awkward rap music turned into the fun 80s type stuff, dancing got groovy. my shagging stinks, though. learned that pretty quickly.

so best parts... having the best date, costumes were a hit, fishie made his way to a function, food was yummy, roomies boyfriends are awesome

worst part... being chased around the art gallery by russell and cory as they both tried to rub their butts on me. ;)

and we fell asleep on the way back. we looked like the drunkenly passed out party couple, but we were both sober. elderly, no?

today was nice, too.. woke up and headed to greer for yummy sunday supper with cory's fam.. did some tri-delt stuff, finished my econ homework, toured the tractors with cory's grandpa, played with the dogs, tried (unsuccessfully) to shoot skeet (again)... even ate a sunflower seed while we drove the pickup truck back. mind you, i shucked it with my fingers and tossed the empty seed out the window (carpetbaggers don't spit), but it was still part of the "experience"

talked to watermelon on the way home... he was in a wedding and kept going on about the bridesmaid he danced with. it was adorable.

Mass was wonderful. on campus Mass is so laid back.. the priest is very friendly and simple and ridiculous (he compared the Church to the mafia and God as the Italian gangster who pinches your cheeks because you defended his sister... at which point he flashed a gangish sign), which is always refreshing. and i thought about a lot of things. practical things. ways-to-live things.

after chapter i cooked chicken stirfry because i was having my "fifteen minutes"... vented about the cliquishness of furman and how i absolutely hate it, then forgot all about being upset and hung out with my fantastic roommates and company.

jessie leaves tomorrow morning. i don't know what i'm going to do without her.... :( :( :(

i need to go to bed so i can wake up for the departure... i don't do goodbyes. just "see you laters"... unless the person is really gone for good, in which case saying goodbye is absolutely pointless. so really, there's no good use for the word other than to emotionally stimulate tears. and i don't like crying when the person is coming back. save the tears for when someone doesn't.

wow, i sound so angry-depressive. this isn't a sore subjet, i promise ;)

so yes, bed before a very busy monday...

ANYONE WHO READS THIS POST.. GO TO CHILLI'S TODAY TO EAT!! ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BENEFIT ST. JUDE CHILDRENS HOSPITAL... WHICH HAPPENS TO BE OUR NATIONAL PHILANTHROPY!!!

huzzah!

goodnight, moon...

"the modern gentleman's guide is not sketchy!! look it up on amazon!"
-- "readers also bought... 'the art of seduction' and 'will cook for sex: a guy's guide to cooking'"

"they were barefoot. it was an orgy."

"i love leaves"

"i haven't touched a tri-delt lately."

change...

so just a thought about last night.. more details later.

some things don't change with time. people don't go away, drama is still drama, and my tie will always be a little awkward.

perspective on things does change, though. especially after summer. the same situations suddenly seem to be greetable with a few new options... which spices life up a bit. things that seemed hopeless don't anymore. things that hurt don't anymore. there's a flipside to the ordeal, too, though... things that were done with aren't anymore. things that seemed fine seem silly.

there's two sides to every coin, i suppose.

oh, and people... it amazes me how people change so much, and then so little..

i think a lot of these thoughts are coming from a book i just finished for class... it's written by a man with autism, about his old classmates with autism... and its fascinating. he describes conversation as a production... so impersonal, so filled with rules and regulations of society. with impared theory of mind, there's no other way to think about it.

and as sterile and strange as it sounds, it's kind of true. kind of depressing, but kind of true.

more later.

logical

it's totally logical to get up at 6:30am, nap from 7:30-11:30 pm, then go to bed at 4am and get up at 6:45am... right? i mean... it's almost 7 hours of sleep?

i'm so dumb. crafting took over my soul again tonight. jessie and i painted. and painted. and i hung two bulletin boards and a painting... and it barely dented the lovely apt. :) we'll get there... before friday. friday is our deadline.

napping made me happier, fo sho.

ooh.. and for the function (represent your state)... cory and i are going as a country boy and ms. teen south carolina.

i get to play with his kids tomorrowwwwwwwwwwww!!!! not biological kids. students is probably the more PC word.

so in order not to scare them, i need to go to bed. gutenacht

dolphins galore!

oh, dear.


the last few days have been good. i'm slowly settling into my new school-without-fusab skin. slowly but surely, i'm getting there. and piece by piece, i'm filling my life up with healthier, more exciting things.


such as dolphin cookies.

tonight i decided to make dolphin cookies for.. people in general. there are just a lot of people i wanted to do something little for, and thing added to another and i was left with 65 dolphin-shaped cookies. sprinkled with blue sugar. and some looked like they were attacked by sharks.

at one point, one of my roomates acted like a shark, hummed the jaws tune, and attacked a peripheral dolphin.

meeean roommate.


so yes, today was good. productive -- got all caught up on delta stuff, tackled a few meetings... pretty much did productive things from class onwards. didn't get any schoolwork done, but that will come with time. aka tomorrow. because it's all due on thursday.

:)


and these last few days have been filled with good conversations... had a bunch of good advising session type deals today. i'm getting more excited about the idea of grad school... i just want to jump on some crazy research project and pour my soul into it. maybe by the end of this seminar, i'll have some idea about what i want to study.


ooh, the boyfriend and i cooked with mandy last night.. and it actually turned out really yummy. we made this spicy coconut curry chicken over rice... took a little while to make, but ended up being worth it. and i think it was better second day after all the spices seeped in.. and there's still more left (i haven't mastered the art of portioning recipies...) carpe chicken. tomorrow.


speaking of tomorrow, i need to go to bed. eaaaaaarly morning breakfast dates (my favorite!!) with the old people at stax ;). followed by lots of reading.

goodnight!

ooooooh, happy day

so i'm not going to procrastinate this term. i promise.. myself. i'm going to try really, really hard not to.

yeah, i have a paper due tomorrow. haven't started... but hey -- i have a topic. so i should be able to crank that baby out in an hour. and i'm declaring my major tomorrow morning -- pretty exciting, no?

chapter tonight was nice. very laid back. i love my sisters -- they're incredible.

so i've been reading since chapter about autism. autism homework is the best... i am required to learn about something that absoluetly fascinates me. i spent most of the evening reading the original article describing autism as a disorder that linked similarities between eleven exceptional children. one description began with a mother's request... "i just want to reach my child."

can you imagine?! the feeling that you cannot connect to your baby, that he or she has no interest in pursuing you with the love and expression that you pursue him? how terrifying..

it got me thinking.. nerdily. about gestalt theories... that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. the children in the article see things in parts.. they see the world in parts. for that reason, they can't connect in the same way to a person.. just the parts.

for instance, if a person holding a needle pricks a child with autism, often the child will react against the hand, rather than the person. no association is drawn between the person and the pain.. or the person and the hand.

we are all one body

it amazes me how similarly we view each other.. how we view faith.. how we view friendship and love and all of those things that make the world go round. we look at so many things as broken pieces. we look at faults as apart from a person's strengths. we look at everything in a person's life.. everything about a person.. like we're afraid of looking for the soul. at the soul. at anything that hints that we're more than what makes us distinct.

we're afraid of that je-no-say-qua (teehee) that makes us who we are. not just what we are. who we are.

"i just want to reach my child"

i can see God murmuring that same phrase, frustrated at me when i'm goofily galavanting around who-knows-where doing who-knows-what... paying Him no mind... enjoying the parts of His creation without seeking the greater whole.. the love that made the creation all come into being. without seeking Him.

oh, jeepers. i'm not making sense. clearly bedtime.

good day ahead, i can feel it. and the weather is changing into fall-ness.. fantastic fall-ness. i love fall. fall's my favorite. (in the will ferrell elf voice).

oh, and i love caitlyn. ach de ach.

gnite!

goodnessgracious this weekend...

phew.

okay, weekend. go.

friday. nun party. the convent was beautiful.. tucked away, 2 minutes away from furman. mass was incredible.. fr. kirby said Mass for us.. and it was such a good time to think. to pray and think. about holiness.

it's so easy to focus on being happy instead of on being holy. i realized that when i have the choice between being "happy" and truly holy... i almost always choose temporary happiness.

yeah, not good.

so i just got this overwhelming peace... the chapel is surrounded by windows, and the windows overlooked a peaceful little stream and rain was pouring down and i just felt warm and safe and loved by God. and i just sat there and thought about holiness. and i was happy.

kind of like when Jesus tells the man to sell his posessions and follow Him, and scripture says the man was sad because he had many posessions... i was sad because i have so many instances of unholy choices in my life. not just free floating instances, either -- unholiness is woven so tightly into my daily routine. and it made me sad...

and spending time with the sisters was fantastic. they're such strong, beautiful women. and the salve... oh, the salve. it was so beautiful. so incredibly beautiful. simple, joyful prayers.

Lord, may i simply, joyfully speak with you.

so after the nun party i headed out to greer, then worked the weekend program today for camp. it was amazing to see the campers again.. absolutely amazing. and i had a sweet new camper in my group today -- she was 10 years old, downs, absolutely adorable... and a lot of old favorites in our group, as well. and crafty was there.. all decked out in a bowling outfit (we went bowling and to cicis).

we had a camper today who loved to put things down her shirt. she's nonverbal and only knows a few signs, so when she took her aid's cell phone and threw it down her shirt, asking for it back wasn't really an option. and the whole item-shirt thing was a habit that traced back to the summer.. so when she put the phone down her shirt, i stole her notebook (yes, the entire notebook), and shoved it down mine. she looked at me like i was nuts, then slowly handed back the cell phone.

fire with fire, baby.

i don't know.. camp just seems so natural. when i'm with the campers, i forget about friend issues and insecurities and finances and furman in general. i'm myself. i'm joyful. i'm free.

yeah, i think i ran away this weekend -- i got scared of how competitive furman is... how concerned everyone is with everyone else. and i realized that i hang out in a group a lot of the time... and i promised i wouldn't ever seek comfort in groups again. maybe i ran back to my summer.

okay, i definately ran back into summer. it was wonderful, though.

after camp cory helped us fix things that needed fixed around the apartment (and funny enough -- i kept breaking things as he fixed them.. a bulletin board, a lamp.. i made my rounds), then we headed to greer and out to chief's to watch the usc / sc state game with some friends from camp.. and we had a ball. i love that crew -- we're all so different, but we have something incredible in common. and it's good.

and i have a very patient, understanding, wonderful boyfriend.

so i'm heading to bed -- up for mass, lunch with cory's fam, homework galore, delta meetings, chapter, and more homework. phew!

gnite!

the road not taken . robert frost

We read this poem in Econ, actually... talking about opportunity cost :) But it got me thinking about... life. And my life. And this past year. And how scary the big paths can look, especially the ones we've never known before... and I'm thankful. Incredibly thankful.


TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.


"The Road Not Taken"
Robert Frost

holy guacamole

phew.

okay, awesome. today is perking up. i was in a funk this morning... a lot of people seem to be. usually coming back to school is a piece of cake, and i'm as happy as a clam. but this time? i'm a little out of it.. too overwhelmed. i realized this morning that i'm in a funk partially just because i miss being really productive. not "grocery shopping and laundry" productive.. saving the world productive.

okay, so maybe not technically saving the world.. but i'd like to come close some day.

classes are going wonderfully -- i absolutely love them. and i decided to drop off fusab to spend more time on the things i absolutely love... i.e. my family and my friends and tridelta and my major and ostaff and my faith and the bf... which is a huge decision. HUGE. anyone that knows me at all knows how much i adored fusab... i just know that my enjoyment of it plateued. it became more of a thing on a to-do list rather than something that set my soul on fire. i could be spending that time working with kids with autism, volunteering at a school, selling my soul to get into grad school, loving on my friends and my sisters... smiling. i could be smiling. i never smiled at fusab meetings last year.

i like smiling.

SO i met with professors about courses and grad school ideas and internships and research.. and it's looking like i may be able to get an intership this year at an integrative school, volunteer at the autism society, and prep to do a big research project next year. and there's this conference in hungary...

okay, so maybe that's getting ahead of myself. but i'm letting myself dream, which i had stopped doing. and grad school doesn't seem so scary. i mean.. i could do it, right? and have a family?

... right?

ah, the role of feminism in society. how do i pursue my dreams without sacrificing anything for my future family? because Lord knows when i pop 'em out, i'll immediately fall in love with them and want to give them absolutely everything i have... time included. it's not a "society says" thing... it's a me thing. the second i have kids, i know that their dreams will come before mine. funny thing is.. having kids (eventually) is one of my dreams. i guess that works out pretty well then, huh?

too many thoughts for a blog entry.

so today was fun.. had my grouchy 15 minutes and soothed it with a giant iced mcdonalds coffee... which was cheap AND amazing. i think i'm just tired of spending money.. i'm trying to find a job and expenses are just piling up and i'm feeling the strain of making next to nothing at camp this summer. so i'm going to cook a whole lot and not buy any clothes and see where that gets me. it's one of those things tho where my rainbows look like someone took a bite out of them (yay car explosion of 2007), my vera tote is about to fall apart (it's been glued to my side since high school)... so my "investment pieces" are nearing the end of their happy little well-served lives, and it's time to start over. i take after my dad financially -- buy nice-ish things and use them until they're dead. the problem arises when everything dies at the same time.

again, back to the car explosion of 2007 :)

but it's good to feel a strain every once in awhile, i suppose. makes me realize how blessed i am to not always feel the strain like some people do... makes me thankful for what i have and the blessings God has given me. and honestly -- it's more fun to sit around and play apples to apples than to spend a ridiculous amount of money on snazzy dinners.

so after the walmart / 15 minutes of mayhem... the bf came over and we cooked which was sooo much fun. AND i got to spend quality time with jessie which was also incredible. sometimes i think we're kindred spirits... we struggle with the same things in completely different ways, so talking to her always centers me and brings me a lotta joy and a lotta laughs. throw cory into the mix and it's almost dangerous.

the three of us decided to take a nap, for instance. cory, jessie, me... in that order. on "no pants wednesday," nonetheless (scandalous, i know). so we all get under the covers and snuggled up, and somehow get onto the topic of how cory is a professional physical educator... and thus should be an expert on how to nap... physically? i don't know, it was dirty-ish. so we're all laughing in bed and the lights are off and we're all snuggled up (b-day girl in the middle) and we see scott appear in the doorway, look incredilbly confused, shake his head, and walk away.

maybe you had to be there... but it was really, really funny.

so we had enchiladas, then i had a tri-delta meeting (yay rush!!!), and then i baked cookies.

bah, proliferating the stereotype. the cookie baking had nothing to do with the meeting. mandy was baking so i decided to throw them in while the oven was on.. which i'm fully aware makes the whole ordeal sound worse. TWO tri-deltas baking?! teehee.

so here i am, blogging in our lovely-frigid apartment, about to go do autism homework. i like it.

sleepyhead is off to bed. busy, fun-filled day tomorrow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

room pics!

whoa, furman.

jeepers.

talk about feeling thrown into the world again. it's so strange how constricting the "bubble" feels after a summer, after a few months of freedom, after new experiences and friendships. o-week was fantastic because it was comfortable and new. beautifully new. every year.

but the real furman? the people that return, the drama that comes back... it's a little much sometimes.

maybe that's why i've been so introverted lately.

i was thinking about it today... and perhaps it's the whole "getting over the hump" thing... junior year. done with looking for friends, finding my niche. i found it. Lord knows what it actually is, but wherever i am, i'm happy. the whole "home is where the heart is" thing... it's nice. i don't need a place or a specific group of people or anything like that to be at home. i've got my family behind me, love in my heart, and my Lord guiding the way... and it sounds so cliche, but that's all i need.

all you need is love... da-de-da-da...

i used to think that song was so cliche.. but i kind of get it. it's not talking about that feel-good love of the movies... or even always a relationship. it's talking about that constant self-denial.. that real love.. that makes the world go around. people come and go, but our unlimited capacity to love remains the same. i'm realizing how much of life is adjusting how we love to the circumstances we're in. the single life requires such different love skills than the married life. it kind of blows me away to think about it. maybe all of the people that have come and gone in and out of my life are just new circumstances to teach me to love in new ways... maybe God's teaching me something more.

so maybe the ups and downs of life are like those basketball drills where you have to slide up and down the court and change direction quickly, at the blow of a whistle. you think you have the movement down, then a quick change of circumstance throws you off guard.

so i suppose the new school year is yet another blow of the ole' whistle.

today was good, though -- these meloncholy musings aren't meant to be downers -- i'm actually extremely happy. it's just not that excited, energetic happy that used to characterize my "good times"... it's different. i just have a peace in my heart... a joyful, simple peace that i can carry with me. that excited energy happiness fades with sleep deprivation and daily worries. i'm realizing that a deeper joy is more constant than feeling happy.

so today i'm happy. i don't feel happy, i am happy. state of being.

it was a really good day, too -- i've been blessed with too many of those to count lately. i suppose i should start with last nigh, simply because it was amazing. president's picnic is always fun (well.. except when we're setting up chairs. not fun.), but for some reason this year was more fun than the last. kelly and i had the bird room... and essentailly, we all get to make up crazy stories and spiel them to the freshmen as fact. we're hired to lie, if you will.

"on behalf of o-staff, kelly and i would like to welcome you to the bird room, named so for the glass display cases of bird statues lining the wall behind us. these birds were collected by mrs. furman, who loved to go bird watching with her younger brother, with whom she was very close. he was only two years younger than her -- handicapped, actually, which is why this table is so low -- (added that line after the 4th tour) and the two would go up and down the appalacian trail, watching for new species of birds. with each new species they encountered, mrs. furman would order a custom carved, hand painted replica to display around her house, each statue worth over ten thousand dollars... thus one case could easily pay for many tuitions (cue chuckles).

"now, these birds are all in this particular room because mrs. furman's brother was in a tragic accident while bird hunting -- he actually got bitten by a rabid wild boar and died two weeks later, sending his sister into a deep depression. she ordered that all birds be brought into this room.. out of sight, out of mind.. and she never entered this room again. its current untouched state is just how she left it."

now, let's pause and think for a moment...

A RABID WILD BOAR ATTACKED MRS FURMAN'S HANDICAPPED LITTLE BROTHER?!?!

yet they believed it. and kelly proceeded to tell them that a coffee stain on the wall dated to when lucille ball threw a mug at her husband.

puh-leeze.

so yes, pres pic was fantastic. afterwards i spent some much needed down time with mandy and the bf and went to bed early. i'm turning into a grandma -- early to bed, early to rise.

so got up around 6:30/7ish... had breakfast, ran errands, went to the pac, visited a friend, then painted. i love painting. i'm not a talented artist, but i love conceptual, geometric things.. and i actually made something i'm pretty proud of, which doesn't happen all too often. it's a cute little tray i bought for $3 from walmart (finished ones retail for around $20), and i hand painted it madras-style, with my monogram on one panel, polka dots, paislies, zebra stripes, etc.. on the others.. and it's amazing. and i found this cute little side table at goodwill for $15, so i lined a drawer with pink polka-dotted fabric and set the tray on top. my room is FINALLY coming together.

got a nice surprise and was able to spend some more time with the bf after he got off work.. then we headed to the oyster bar in greer with mandy and one of his friends from college. we had an absolute ball.. oysters were half price, and cory and i ALMOST destroyed a peck on our own. and the waitress taught me how to shuck without killing myself.. which was a far cry from my previous living-on-the-edge strategy of attacking it from the flap and prying it open. i kept up pretty well, if i do say so myself... and i enjoyed saving the tag-along oysters that cory kept throwing away... the lonely ones that were clinging to the big guys for dear life and were all too easily forgotten.

okay, so maybe i got a little TOO into the shucking process.

ooh, and we found this phone in my car.. there's this secret compartment in the middle of the console (clearly, secret's out...) and in it i found an ooooollld cell phone (giant) that we decided to play with. so i called cory's real phone, he pulled it out in the middle of the restaurant.. it was priceless. his friend was so confused. fun.

fun, fun, fun.

i don't know.. something about the drive to greer totally calms me. mandy and i jammed out to some sweet country / cory smith tunes with the sunroof open, singing and laughing and talking. my heart slows down a little bit when i get further away from furman. or maybe when i get closer to greer. it's nice.

so the evening was absolutely lovely. GBOH is one of my favorite places ever.

we got back and moved furniture.. the girls all went out and i cleaned the kitchen and hung up some artwork.. and i'm about to go tackle the rest of my room. the goal is to finish tonight.. get everything hooked up and ready to go.

classes start tomorrow. eep!

so may this productive day give way to another... :) thank you, Lord, for a wonderful day.

tiredness...

i was about to write an entry on tiredness...

... but as i was about to start, i heard someone barge through the front door, drunkenly scream "BIRDYYYYYYYYYYYYY," stumble into my room, and yell at me for not being out with friends.

i went out tonight, i promise. i just have church in the morning... and i'm exhausted. when o-week is over, i'll be all over it.

so he proceeded to lay down in the bathtub and complain that i'm not around.

it's all o-week's fault.

:) yay, furman.


today was nice.. slept far too late, judged all the halls with spirit committee, went to walmart, put together a bulletin board, hung up some pictures, went out to liberty for tyner's birthday, then came back and put together some things. misa in the morning with FATHER jeff kirby saying the homily (how crazy is that?), then presidents picnic and setting up for the fusab drive-in movie! then hopefully seeing the bf in greer for a bit.

i don't know.. i've been feeling funky lately. usually that's a bad thing.. but for me, funky is good right now. i'm really really happy.. joyful, even. there's just a peace in my heart right now that usually isn't there... and for once, i feel like the big things in my life are pretty much worked out just fine. no, i haven't found a job yet.. i haven't bought books.. i haven't finished decorating... but i have my family and i have my faith and i have my love and i have the best friends in the world. and that's enough for me.

furman just feels different to me. i want to see all of my friends, i want to spend time with people... but i also kind of want to sit in peace and paint and listen to music and spend time with one person at a time... my introvert side is temporarily kicking in, i suppose. it's just weird because a year ago, i would do anything to avoid alone time. now, i crave it.

al and i were driving to and from liberty blaring music and talking.. and she brought up how different this o-week is compared to last year. nothing is the same. nothing. but it's so good. God yanked the rug out from under me and replaced it with a cloud. i complained at first.. but now that i've settled in, it's cozy.

i'm making no sense. i need sleep.

gnite!

happy thoughts

mmm so i have an hour of free time today. super exciting (not being sarcastic at all.. dead serious)... and i had breakfast with the bf thismorning at 6:30 and we were the only people under 65 in stax... also tres exciting.

the bf's last name sounds like another teacher at the school.. and one of the students asked him if they were married.

she is a 60 year old black woman.

another student responded, "that's not possible! how could he marry a black lady?!"

a) don't you just love the south?
b) sooooo nothing about the age difference?

i'm dating an old man. sweet.

;)

nothing like a lovely oweek thursday!

aw, today was nice. really nice. and it ended nicely, too -- a freshman guys hall just serenaded the apartment above us, so we ran onto the porch and were sung "my girl" and "brown eyed girl" and all those lovely songs. it was adorable. i threw them twizzlers.. it was that or nutella, and i figured twizzlers would be safer.

serenade is always fun.. we got to run up on blackwell and get the serenade from the whole guy freshman class.. they were ADORABLE. i think they were more amazing than the last two years, too.. super fun.

carnival was fun tonight, too. cory came and surprised me with coffee, which was the sweetest thing EVER because he knew i was exhausted.. amazing. getting to talk to him for more than 30 seconds was amazing, too... this week has been insane. he rocks my socks off.

the clp skit was cute, as were hall presentations. the freshies are going ALL out... absolute insanity. i'm loving it.. loving them. three cheers from the class of 2011!

eating frozen yogurt then going to bed!! up early for a breakfast date with the boy, then field fest and o fest tomorrow afternoon/evening! another long, fun day of o-week!

:)

hitch hiking catholic

scene: kelly and i are stuck at the eco cottage and o-staff forgets us and heads for j in the caravan. we need a ride, so we run out to the road and throw up our hitch hiking thumbs. we hear SCREACHING tires of a 4runner and a car starts flying in reverse.

guy i don't recognize: "hey, do y'all need a ride?"
us: "um, that would be amazing.. but i think they might come back?"
guy: "dude, they totally just flew by. all of them."
(uperclassmen find oweek amusing. they come to watch us do cheesy skits and chase freshies around campus, so they know all about hall parties)
us: "wellll..."
guy: "WAIT! you're KELLY! you're a KAPPA! ... and you're BRIDGETTE, right?? you're Catholic! I'm Catholic!"

and our Catholic friend gave us a ride to J. i'm still not sure how he knows i'm catholic. i know his roommate.. he's on staff.. but it was just probably one of the funniest situations ever.

the end.

ohmygosh today was fantastic.

so it all went really really well today.

up at 7:15, showered, transfer meeting at 8:30. met a fantastic transfer student my age who just moved from outside pittsburgh -- really a sweet girl. i don't know.. sitting in on the meeting made me realize how lucky i am to be getting the "full" furman experience -- there's so much enrichment from living with other women, learning how to live with others, love people who are different i don't know, something was cool about it.

welcomed parents at the auditorium doors, helped freshies find their way to their advisor guides, found my bike... funny story.

fupo gets a little over ambicious about things... parking tickets and bike impoudments being two of them. so i registered my bike last year, went through all the appropriate hoops to leave it here over the summer (locked behind the police dept).. and they "missed" the sticker, chopped the lock off, and impounded the thing in the storage lot in the back of campus. but i got it back. maybe they'll give me a new lock.

anyway, packed a ridiculous number of outfits for tonight (used all of them though!), met staff for dinner at 4:30, ran into one of our campers who works in the dining hall (sweetheart), practiced transitions, performed twice (4 outfit changes in all), changed back into our "ostaff uniform," drove around campus screaming and blaring music and crashing the hall parties, changed into all white, and met all of the freshies in the amphithteater with a dj and darkness and lots and lots of glosticks for the most amazing dance party we've ever put togehter... all out rave. hundreds and hundreds of people.. crowd surfing, cheering, dance circles, everything... the freshmen were so happy, and some of the upperclassmen that came (and there were a TON of them) said the BLACKOUT was more fun than fountain hopping.

booya, administration. new tradition, here we are!

i can't even describe the feelings tonight.. at 10:59 we went up on stage during sandstorm, then ran out into the fog and hurled glowsticks into the darkness... roaring crowd of freshmen, music blaring, everyone but us in black... it was freakin' awesome.

i'm exhausted though. we RUN between hall parties.. so on top of working from 7:30-12:45 am without much sleep, we did 3 whole runs of transitions and did a lot of walking. and our last meal was at 4:30. i can't really feel my elbows. or my face. so i'm going to bed.

more later :) get to chill until noon. i need to do laundry. my clothes were drenched. and write some letters. and make sun tea. ooh.. and i had egg on toast for lunch. i love egg on toast. and my ipod came.

oh my gosh i make nooooo sense. but i'm learning the SUPERMAN dance and i can snap like a pro.

peace, players.

sans pants

i think the football players got a taste of their own medicine tonight.

you see, when i'm sleep deprived... "it all" goes down hill RAPIDLY... and today was busy. and i did it all off 5 or so hours of sleep (if that). up at 6:45, moved freshies into dorms from 8:30 - 1, ate lunch and showered, skit practices from 3-4:30, dinner and parental mingling, parent skits from 5:30 - 9ish, then skit practices from then until 11. solid day.

so when i got back to the apt to find all of my fantastic roommates and a new knife block, i knew it was clearly time for apples and peanutbutter. and the knives make me feel like a top chef. which makes me happy.

and i've ben trying REALLY hard to get to a "solid" snapping place. we do a lot of dancing on o-staff, and i look like the ridiculous white girl. i realized today it's all about confidence... when you're "getting jiggy with it," so to speak, the more attitude, the better the snap. so by the time you get past the "two snap... one snap... no snap..." (fake out)... DOUBLE SNAP, they've got to be WORKIN' it. and ladies and gentlemen, i worked it with that knife block. snapping, that is.

i think i'm losing it. i havent been this sleep deprived in foreeeever. YET i'm blogging instead of sleeping. and i still have a tres importante e-mail to write :)

tonight was amazing with the parents -- they had so many good questions, so much love.. it was rewarding to see what my parents went through when they sent me off.. made me realize how much they love me (cue big cheesy "awwww")... and yes, it was depressing to try to figure out how to fit four escalades into gambrell circle, but such is life. at furman, at least.

two snap... one snap.... no snap.... SNAP SNAP

it's just like.. everyone here has a story. any place you throw 2400 students from all over the world, you're going to have diversity, no matter how hard everyone seems to be like everyone else. we're different. we're all a minority somehow. it was cool to see the class of 2011 come together.

phew. 2011 i'm getting old.

too tired to gush. gnite.

take me there

There’s a place in your heart, nobody's been,
Take me there.
Things nobody knows,
Not even your friends,
Take me there.
Tell me bout your momma, your daddy, your hometown,
Show me around,
I want see it all, don't leave anything out.

I want to know, everything about you then.
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare,
Take me there.

Your first real kiss, your first true love,
You were scared.
Show me where,
You learned about life, spent your summer nights, without a care.
I want to roll down main street, the back roads,
Like you did when you were a kid,
What made you who you are,

Tell me what your story is.

I want to know, everything about you then.
And I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams, and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me there.

Yeah,
I want to know, everything about you,
Yeah, everything about you baby.
I want to go, down every road you've been.
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live,
Where you keep the rest of your life hid,
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare.
Take me there...


rascal flatts . take me there

livin' our love song

Baby, when I look at you
With your hair falling down in your baby blues
Standing there across the room
I get so lost in the way you move
It makes me reminisce, back two years ago
On a night like this
Teary-eyed, as you took my hand
And I told you that I'd be your man
So many things have come, so many things have gone
One thing that's stayed the same is
Our love still going strong

[Chorus:]
Baby just look at us, all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist between a
Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess
People said it would never work out
But living our dreams, we shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Just livin' our love song

[Verse:]
Oh darling, would you look at me
With my heart beatin' fast, and my shaky knees
It's pretty hard to believe
After all these years, I still need you this badly
You're dancing in my arms
With a spotlight moon and a sea of stars
Oh girl we've come so far
Everything I want is everything that you are
Just wanna lay you down, say I love you
Without a sound
I think you know what I'm talkin' about
Yeah

[Chorus:]
Baby just look at us, all this time and we're still in love
Something like this just don't exist between a
Backwoods boy and a fairytale princess
People said it would never work out
But living our dreams, we shattered all doubts
It feels good to prove 'em wrong
Just livin' our love song


jason micahel carroll . livin' our love song

twas the night before o-week...

i can't believe how busy the last few weeks have been. let alone the last few days... i feel like since i've recovered from the wisdom teeth ordeal, i've been going a hundred miles per hour. but it's been fantastic... and once o-week is through, i'll be able to relax a little bit. a little bit.

o-week starts tomorrow... getting up at 6:30 am to get ready to help the freshies move in, then it's a day of skit practices and parent meetings and so on and so forth.. and the week goes from there! it's going to be fantastic :)

the roomies are all now moved in, too.. which is wonderful, because i have a home to come back to. it's the best feeling in the world.. knowing that i get to spend the year living with three of my best girlfriends. they're my fam away from the fam, and i love it. absolutely love it.

you know what? i'm happy. i'm head-over-heels, deeply, incredibly happy. that kind of happy that creeps its way into your chest and warms you from the inside out... that gives you goosebumps when you think about it and a heartache when you don't. the kind where even sappy stupid country songs can't really get it right. when garth can't say it, you know you're somewhere good. really good.

by happy, i mean...

moved in, beached, and back to FU!

moved in at last.

::deep breath of fresh, recently decorated air::

the last few days have been intense.. filled with adventure, boxes, and amazing conversations with old friends. it's strange to be at furman right now -- an odd mix of older and newer friends, crazy experiences, and the desire for a little breath of summer peace and quiet. camp naptime, if you will. a daily moment of sanity.

the drive up wednesday went well.. stopped at the infamous abc in columbia where the buick had his incident to commemorate with the new (yet still unnamed) grocery-gitter. got to furman and went to check my mail in case my ipod came (so i could jam and unpack at the same time)... and instead found an entire piedmont skills workshop eating by the lake.... over a dozen campers, smiles on their faces, filled with questions about camp and my summer and other campers and their friends...

i've never been part of such a beautiful little community.

so that was wonderful -- got to catch up with a woman i had in my cabin twice, then another camper pulled out a few dollars and declard himself rich.. at which point one of our favorite nonverbal campers (always dressed fratty as could be... sportin' adorable catch-me-if-you-can-ish glasses) quiety riffled through his fannypack and slowly held up three crumpled dollar bills.

"i see you're rich, too, fratty.."

so the move in to the apt was hot, sweaty, and a moment of independence... i did it by myself! after showering and running to the grocery store, i was graced with a very wonderful visiter, who arrived bearing beautiful gerbera daisies (my favorite!) and that wonderful smile that i'd begun to really really miss... it was lovely. absolutely lovely.

so cory time was wonderful -- grabbed dinner at olive garden and ran into some more wonderful old friends, then came back to the apt and hung out with scott and simon (while i unpacked)... hooray for fantastic nights with the boys!!

saturday was the beginning of the ostaff retreat -- 2 nights at myrtle beach in this kick-behind house with a pool and tons of bedrooms and a gameroom... twas fantastic. the weather was a bit dreary, but the company more-than-made-up for it all. aside from a massive attack of jelly fish (i think 4 staffers got stung.. one really really badly that culminated in a post-retreat trip to the ER), the weekend was filled with a lot of laughs and good conversations and hilarious ice-breaker games.

ever played celebrity with 30 people? good times.

one of my favorite parts was dinner on friday night -- we grilled out, which was yummy as anything.. and then just sat around talking. about everything. any time you throw together a bunch of furman students and sit them facing each other, you're going to get quite an array of conversations. everything from parents to abortion to racism to diversity to growing up to friendship to gay rights to politics... especially on OStaff. it's an ecclectic, wonderful group of fascinating people. and i love those deep, soul-searching conversations that really challenge your world. i was in bliss.

the staff is really wonderful this year -- respectful, hard working, energetic, and a tad insane. wonderful combination.

and carol's advice.. "if they're breathing, we can fix it" ... stellar.

quote of the weekend: "a man's girth is very important to a woman."

returned today, then spent time with the roomies who were ALL IN TOWN TODAY (eep!).. then tailgated with the RAs and FRADs and headed off to the FU game vs. PC (which i'm still watching.. left early because i was EXHAUSTED)...

... yet again, ran into a ton of people at the game. and it was wonderful.. but i'm so not the type to be all jumpy and screamy when i see someone i havent seen in awhile (with some exceptions)... i like to just pick up where we left off. i dont' do goodbyes, either -- i refuse to spend any significant portion of my life saying goodbye to people. been there, done that. any situation where the person comes back doesn't merit the distress. better off giving a high five, a "safe drive," and a "see you soon"... much more accurate.

so today was wonderful.. got my room semi-decorated (pictures to come!).. just need to do those personal touches of photos and quotes and the usual. busted out the tacky Catholic bling, so that area of my life is right again :) exciting, right?

i'm not homesick, but i miss my family... a whole bunch. i never thought i'd feel like home was less crazy than school, but this week will be an exception. most mornings i'm up before 9 and not done until after midnight... not exactly relaxing... but super fun. i look forward to o-week all year.. it's 5ish days of absolute insanity with the most fun group on campus... deepening friendships, meeting new people, making the freshies feel at home, carrying on the traditions.. it's fantastic. after tri-delt, it's my favorite thing i've done at furman.

so with that, i'm off to bed... at 10:30. up for Mass and meetings in the afternoon, then hopefully some time for play later that afternoon. jessie moved in yesterday, al moves in tomorrow, mandy moves in monday... so H206 will be up and kicking before we know it ;).

goodnight!