okay, awesome. today is perking up. i was in a funk this morning... a lot of people seem to be. usually coming back to school is a piece of cake, and i'm as happy as a clam. but this time? i'm a little out of it.. too overwhelmed. i realized this morning that i'm in a funk partially just because i miss being really productive. not "grocery shopping and laundry" productive.. saving the world productive.
okay, so maybe not technically saving the world.. but i'd like to come close some day.
classes are going wonderfully -- i absolutely love them. and i decided to drop off fusab to spend more time on the things i absolutely love... i.e. my family and my friends and tridelta and my major and ostaff and my faith and the bf... which is a huge decision. HUGE. anyone that knows me at all knows how much i adored fusab... i just know that my enjoyment of it plateued. it became more of a thing on a to-do list rather than something that set my soul on fire. i could be spending that time working with kids with autism, volunteering at a school, selling my soul to get into grad school, loving on my friends and my sisters... smiling. i could be smiling. i never smiled at fusab meetings last year.
i like smiling.
SO i met with professors about courses and grad school ideas and internships and research.. and it's looking like i may be able to get an intership this year at an integrative school, volunteer at the autism society, and prep to do a big research project next year. and there's this conference in hungary...
okay, so maybe that's getting ahead of myself. but i'm letting myself dream, which i had stopped doing. and grad school doesn't seem so scary. i mean.. i could do it, right? and have a family?
... right?
ah, the role of feminism in society. how do i pursue my dreams without sacrificing anything for my future family? because Lord knows when i pop 'em out, i'll immediately fall in love with them and want to give them absolutely everything i have... time included. it's not a "society says" thing... it's a me thing. the second i have kids, i know that their dreams will come before mine. funny thing is.. having kids (eventually) is one of my dreams. i guess that works out pretty well then, huh?
too many thoughts for a blog entry.
so today was fun.. had my grouchy 15 minutes and soothed it with a giant iced mcdonalds coffee... which was cheap AND amazing. i think i'm just tired of spending money.. i'm trying to find a job and expenses are just piling up and i'm feeling the strain of making next to nothing at camp this summer. so i'm going to cook a whole lot and not buy any clothes and see where that gets me. it's one of those things tho where my rainbows look like someone took a bite out of them (yay car explosion of 2007), my vera tote is about to fall apart (it's been glued to my side since high school)... so my "investment pieces" are nearing the end of their happy little well-served lives, and it's time to start over. i take after my dad financially -- buy nice-ish things and use them until they're dead. the problem arises when everything dies at the same time.
again, back to the car explosion of 2007 :)
but it's good to feel a strain every once in awhile, i suppose. makes me realize how blessed i am to not always feel the strain like some people do... makes me thankful for what i have and the blessings God has given me. and honestly -- it's more fun to sit around and play apples to apples than to spend a ridiculous amount of money on snazzy dinners.
so after the walmart / 15 minutes of mayhem... the bf came over and we cooked which was sooo much fun. AND i got to spend quality time with jessie which was also incredible. sometimes i think we're kindred spirits... we struggle with the same things in completely different ways, so talking to her always centers me and brings me a lotta joy and a lotta laughs. throw cory into the mix and it's almost dangerous.
the three of us decided to take a nap, for instance. cory, jessie, me... in that order. on "no pants wednesday," nonetheless (scandalous, i know). so we all get under the covers and snuggled up, and somehow get onto the topic of how cory is a professional physical educator... and thus should be an expert on how to nap... physically? i don't know, it was dirty-ish. so we're all laughing in bed and the lights are off and we're all snuggled up (b-day girl in the middle) and we see scott appear in the doorway, look incredilbly confused, shake his head, and walk away.
maybe you had to be there... but it was really, really funny.
so we had enchiladas, then i had a tri-delta meeting (yay rush!!!), and then i baked cookies.
bah, proliferating the stereotype. the cookie baking had nothing to do with the meeting. mandy was baking so i decided to throw them in while the oven was on.. which i'm fully aware makes the whole ordeal sound worse. TWO tri-deltas baking?! teehee.
so here i am, blogging in our lovely-frigid apartment, about to go do autism homework. i like it.
sleepyhead is off to bed. busy, fun-filled day tomorrow.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment