whoa hey

-- wrote this a few days ago, never posted it --

I made myself do nothing for two hours this morning.

It was scary, really. I woke up at 8 and convinced myself to go back to sleep. I woke up again and decided to get up, but only if I facebooked and blogged and watched Regis and Kelly.

No, really. I did.

I've been working super hard this term, and it's finally all paying off... but I haven't had a lot of me time lately. If Furman has taught me one thing (other than the humility of knowing there is so much left to learn)... it's been a little self awareness. I know myself well enough now to know that if -- occasionally -- I don't make myself be unproductive, I'll get shingles.

No, really.

But there's a catch -- I'm a very internal person. I wouldn't call myself an introvert, but I definitely mull over conversations (good and bad) and think things through. In a sense, my heart is being "productive" 99% of the time. I've finally learned that even productivity of the heart can wear you out. Sometimes I have to just stop thinking about things that matter for a few hours.

Regis and Kelly help with that :)

This term in general has been a very thought-provoking experience. So many decisions are going to be made before now and April 1. Decisions and experiences. And commitments.

The (second) biggest one is graduate school. I am going on three more interviews this term, which is an honor in and of itself... but then I have to decide where to take the bait. The search for psych doctorate programs has the extra challenges of finding that place with a mentor who can inspire, a program that can challenge, and research that can provide opportunities room for personalization. Oh, and money. Some programs will pay your way, others can't (especially with the economy). It would be so nice to not have to be completely broke for five more years..

Some people have commitment phobia, but I love it. I love the idea of finding what's right and pursuing it with all my heart. I don't think through decisions when they're offered, I come up with a plan ahead of time. aka... in waiting for offers and such, my heart is more active than it will be when I actually get the call. I'm deciding where I'm spending the next few years, but the decision goes so far beyond that. I'm realizing that in the next years, I'll shift from a "me" to a "we"... and I'm overjoyed to share these decisions with Cory.

"carpe the damn diem", right?

So lots going on. I'll share more of the personal stuff a little later, but on the business edge.. I got accepted to present my research at both NCUR (an undergraduate research conference in Wisconsin) as well as the International Conference for Autism Research in Chicago (YAYY!!!). The catch with INFAR is that the last day of the conference is my graduation... so I have to get an earlier presentation time (so I can fly back and walk!)

Oh, and I have to actually get participants, run the study, and analyze the data.

Minor details (aah!?)

We're *finally* starting to recruit middle school kids to help out. This weekend, I'm setting up the lab and making copies and filing folders and so on and so forth (... for those of you who know me and my "quirks", I'm in research heaven). We'll be running participants over the next few weeks. I'm so stoked.

Less business-y... Tri Delt is in full bloom. We have sisterhood stuff tonight (D themed function.. Cory and I still don't know what we're going as... if we do the "darn good looking" thing, we can just go as ourselves... haha), and tomorrow night (big sis revelation), and sunday night (slating. aah!). I'm excited, but I'm also ready to just go back to normal life.

I can't wait for summer :)

I'll be back at camp, which is SO exciting. I'm ready for a summer of outside fun with the most incredible people in the world... what better transition into the next phases of life? I can't wait to be reunited with camper friends and staff friends, watch my hot boyfriend drive around on a tractor (kidding..), and really make a difference. My position at camp will be to help breathe some life into the camper worker program.. so I'll be in charge of working with the campers who work at camp (that sounds confusing) and making sure they're challenging themselves, working hard, fostering community, and enjoying a fun and exciting summer.

It will be perfect.

... more later