i have three minutes to procrastinate. 9am, it's back to econ, baby. i just can't take much more of studying for a test i'm pretty sure i'm going to fail.

i'm in a yucky mood.

i think its just stress -- cory's going out of town and i really haven't been able to spend much "quality time" with him lately.. ugh, i hate how that sounds... and i'm kind of over my head in school stuff. i've perfectly arranged my little life so i have time for everything.. usually.. but this week.. and last week.. and the week before.. haven't quite worked out that way.

hurmph.

i think a big part is hope academy -- going every morning is tough financially and time wise, and i love it.. but its 3 hours i could be spending on homework (which is big). and my checking account is now UP to $40 (and that's exciting, if that says anything) and i have $5 worth of gas in my car.. so my net assets as far as practical day to day living goes don't really break $45. awesome.

i think i need this weekend. badly. i need it to clean and get my physical life in order.. i need time to go on a walk and sit down and figure out all of this bullshit surrounding my faith... i need time and incentive to get it together. reality will set in soon and i'll realize i don't really have much time this weekend anyway, but you know how that goes. i just need time to sit and think and take care of myself.

maybe that's it... i haven't had time to really take care of myself. i havent cooked or sang or crafted or done the things i love in awhile... and when that happens, i feel less "worth it" in general. and then i get depressed and insecure and stupid.

bridgette, stop being depressed and insecure and stupid.

mm, much better, actually.

back to macroeconomics (bah)... test is at one, so i still have 3 hours-ish to study. and i think i'm going to go without showering.. just kind of throw on some clothes and my running shoes and go for a walk afterwards or something. de-stress a bit. think a bit.

i read my facebook profile and realized how few of my "interests" i actually puruse anymore. so today ... after econ ... is me day. no tridelt stuff, no homework. i'll do that stuff tomorrow. today is for me and possibly Jesus, depending on how that all goes.

awesome. i'm 4 minutes over my 3 minute max.

so glad its friday.