a day of blessings

so i had a rough weekend spiritually... it was one of those humbling experiences where i realized i really don't have it all figured out, i really do need God's love, and i cant grasp so tightly onto my world views that i let the little blessings pass me by.

today was filled with wonderful little surprises. a nice chat with one of my kindred spirits (which resulted in identical blog posts, mind you), some good quality time with cory, catch up time with an old friend, a random starbucks run-in with an old buddy, and a great conversation with my mom. and hannah.... a wonderful chat with her, too. it was a really well-rounded day.

mom helped me figure out whats going on with my furman feelings... she made me realize it's normal... furman really is a bubble... it's not the real world. and just like i was ready to move out of the house my junior year of high school, i'm ready to take off my junior year of college. she said i've always been committed to my dreams and ready to pursue them... i'm just always a little ahead of schedule, which is fine. i just want to work hard to get into a school where i'll be happy and comfortable... and i'm starting to think that means a big city, lots of diverse people... not the atmosphere i'm used to.

so that made me feel a lot better -- she told me about her experiences at nursing school and how she felt the same way -- maybe it's in my blood :) i'm ready to be independent.

and another friend had a good perspective on furman that i've come to agree with... that it's really easy to make friends here, but it's also really easy to lose them. the second you do something they don't like, it's easy for them to find a new group even more like them. that's not how the real world works... not at all. i'm ready for reality to sink in.

so the plan is to be the best i can be here, and look forward to a time where i can be the best i can be somewhere else. it's all i can do :)

and it looks like i *might* be doing a senior thesis with the psych department, so that will be fun. and tridelta slating is this week... if i got a new office that would be pretty exciting, too. i loved loved LOVED the one i had, but i'm ready for something with a little less paper time and a little more people time.

spiritually some stuff cleared up, too... i realized how discouraged i was at life, and how that discouragement makes me feel like i'm not capable of loving or being loved by God... and how separated i've become from my vocation, from my entire purpose in life. ::sigh:: and realizing what's wrong made me feel a lot better... because everything will work out, things will get better... i'm only 20 years old, and i'm dealing with typical 20-year-old stuff... questioning friendships, trying to figure out my life, changing my relationships with my family, getting into serious relationships... it's just that time, you know? i feel abnormal at furman, but i'm starting to realize i'm not... we all struggle. i just don't hide it well.

if you're tired of fighting battles with yourself, change your mind...

the funny thing is that all of these little "discoveries" came from conversations throughout the day... God truly took some burdens off my heart. i feel like i'm in the right place, and that's enough to get me through to the next big thing. and that's what life's all about, right?

:)



i made up my mind when i was a young girl
i was given this one world-- i won't worry it away
now and again i lose sight of the good life
i get stuck in a low life
...and then love comes in.

- sara bareilles . many the miles