tonight i felt like the uncool kid stuck in the cool kid group... and it wasn't cool.
i'm going to go ahead and be extremely unpolitically correct for a few minutes here, and you can just skip this post if it's going to offend you.
on the outside, i am a white upper/middle class female attending a prestigious school and pursuing good grades. i'm greek, and i'm involved in a few activities that i'm passionate about. i have a wonderful family, a loving boyfriend, a dog, a cat, and a few deceased fish. i'm christian, i went to a private school, and i love life is good pajama pants.
i'm a furman girl.
but for God's sake.. look deeper. i'm german irish catholic... a rare breed in the south... and i am DEEPLY in love with my faith. i don't think we're saved by a prayer or damned for a sin. i believe in Truth and forgiveness and our limited perspective on the unlimited love of God. i believe the death penalty is overused and birth control is sinful. and i believe in the Eucharist -- that God has humbled Himself under the appearance of bread and wine so that we can get through life without completely screwing ourselves over. i don't pray to Mary, i pray through Mary. i've been persecuted for being Catholic... i can't tell you the number of altar boy jokes i've heard or the number of mean and cruel comments i've suffered. i'm a southern Catholic, and i'm blessed.
i'm part of the 30% of furman's campus that is greek, but that technically makes me a minority. i put myself out there -- going through rush rounds, getting to know different types of people -- so that i could stretch myself. i rushed to find a group of girls with character i could admire and differences i would grow to respect. i didn't settle for friends just like me that i would meet in the psych department or in church.
i'm passionate about my schoolwork because i genuinely love to learn. i want to help children with autism communicate with the world because i believe in the capacity of the human heart. i'm not going for good grades because i'm neurotic.. sometimes i know that i have to suck it up and memorize things i will eventually forget (how to calculate GDP? please.) so that i can get into grad school and learn the incredible things i need to know to make a difference. God has blessed me with a lot of knowledge and inspiring mentors through my education, and i've fallen in love with learning about the progression of people and ideas. i'm not just another student, i'm a scholar with a purpose. i want to change the world.
i have a boyfriend, and i'm madly in love with him. but we're not the typical cookie cutter couple -- we're so incredibly different. we push each other and make each other grow... he's a southern baptist, born and raised on a farm in greer. i'm a yankee catholic, born in idaho and raised in pittsburgh and charleston. we're passionate about the same things but different in our approaches, and i have never been this happy. he's made me slow down and smell the roses, and i've made him slow down and read a book (ha. just kidding). i've never been this inspired by anyone, and i can't help but thank God for that treestump. i don't know that i would have had the guts to talk to the boy i had a ridiculous crush on any other way ;)
(p.s... happy side note. spent anniversary eating cherry pie straight out of the pan while sitting in bed watching parking wars. YES, PLEASE)
so am i really a furman girl? i hate the bubble, i'm not straightline conservative, i don't believe in "getting saved," i'm academically obsessed with an unexplainable mystery, i don't own single coach bag or designer piece of clothing, i talk about Jesus over a beer, i work to afford groceries and books... do i really fit the mold? am i really just like the rest?
i'm sick of being discriminated against for not being diverse. i'm not black, i'm not from some crazy far off land, i haven't been stricken with a crisis that's forced me to grow. but you know what? i've made myself grow in the white middle class world. i've found inspiration to appreciate the things i haven't experienced in my meager 20 years of life. and i've had my share of struggles, too.
i don't "look" diverse, and i'm proud of my light freckles and unpainted toenails and left eye that's a little wider than my right. i don't have dreads or weird tattoos or strange clothes.. although i have always secretly wanted a little nose stud (but i'll never get one). i'm proud of my irish german heritage.. my great grandfather worked at the bar that invented happy hour :). and you know what? the scar on my knee isn't from some cool white water rafting trip or rock climbing adventure. it's from tripping over a curb during a snowball fight. i'm not ridiculously liberal. i'm not ridiculously cool. i'm just ridiculously me.
somehow, furman has been divided into the "preps and fratties" and the "cool granola kids"... and most of us don't fit either place. each group claims to be diverse in perspective, yet neither will accept the other.. or anyone that falls between. it's like with the kinsey sicks and ann coutour.... we brought kinsey sicks last spring, and the conservatives raised hell because they were hated against. now annie is causing a tizzy because the liberals don't like getting hated on either.
gosh, guys... see a trend?
NO ONE likes to be bullied or told they're wrong. no one likes their tuition money going towards a program that will hurt their feelings. but instead of looking at it objectively, we ONLY look at things personally.
and see.. the problem won't be solved by granolas popping their collars or preppies strapping on chacos. there will still be poverty and disease and heartbreak and Godlessness. making ourselves look more like the rest will only silence the different ones even more.
dialogue doesn't require changing opinions,but it does lead to growth in perspective.
grow, grow, grow.
here's typical furman for you: on the anniversary of roe vs. wade, the feminist club planned a clp at the same time and in the same building as the conservative club. both programs aimed to promote discussion about abortion, but let's be honest.. the liberals went to one room and the conservatives went to the other. both groups beat to their own drum and preached to their own choir.
i sent an email to both organizations about the issue and got the same response -- it's the other group's fault. the feminists pointed out that their clp had cookie cake, and the conservatives pointed out that they reserved the room first.
i don't give a damn how many calories you're going to feed me or how spiffy your venue is. BABIES ARE DYING. if you actually cared to make a difference, you'd BRAVE DIALOGUE.
BRAVE DIALOGUE.
yeah, it's hard to put yourself out there. you'll get yelled at, you'll get silenced. you won't be appreciated, and you won't always be loved. but you'll be you. and if you're praying as you go, by the grace of God, you'll be the best you that you can be.
do we really think He made us to hate each other? He made us different, but clearly not so we'd kill each other. Maybe, just maybe, God had the hope that His creation would unconditionally love each other like He loves us.. that we would be inspired by each other and seek to appreciate our differences.
::sigh::
so... i'm done with my wine, which means i should also be done with my whine :). 15 minutes of grumpy a day, and i've gone far over my quota. i think i've used up my entire week, actually.
... and now i'm going to read over this post and get frustrated at myself for being so judgemental of everyone and for classifying furman into oversimplified cliques. it's just.. this day. it's been a frustrating reality. :)
i'm so ready for england.
OOH! ENGLAND! it's coming together :) i got a description of the research i'll be doing and it sounds PERFECT. i'm just waiting on a solid "YAY!" as far as lab space goes, and i'll then pull out of the other labs i've been pursuing. and i've been applying for internships for the spring -- one at a center for developmentally delayed or abused children, which i'm sure would be a challenge and a blessing. i'll keep y'all posted.
haha, get it? posted? literally? like.. on a post?
cheesy joke of the day from o-staff interviews...
"Why was the police officer in bed?"
-- "He was undercover."
tee.hee.
goodnight :)
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