mass is good

mass tonight was really, really good. it was one of those nights when my heart was in the right place, i was ready to get my butt kicked... and God happily did the honors.

i can't even really put my finger on it, but something about the liturgy and the word just really hit me where i needed it to. i've been so overwhelmed lately, and i've realized a lot of it is that i'm trying to live a life that's not really me.

i've spent the last year in big groups of people... around a lot of drinking... and that's not my scene. i like coffeeshop conversations and late night talks over a bottle of wine. or sitting in bed with a beer and a funny movie. i'm not the frat party girl, i guess. i love spending time with people, and drinking is fine... but not really in that circumstance. the deal is... there just aren't a lot of other places to meet people at furman. i'm not going to do the big religious groups on campus because my beliefs don't match up -- i wouldn't want to do it for the people, you know? so i'm in this weird middle place.

i just haven't been praying about it.. discerning it. i haven't been contemplating my decisions or offering those contemplations to others. and i'm happy -- i have an absolutely incredible family, wonderful friends... cory has taught me and given me more than i could ever ask for... i'm just thinking about the future. whether i want to surround myself with bubbles for the rest of my life. i think i want the real world.

mind you, 2 months into it, i'm going to want my happy little furman reality. but whatever :)

so goals for the week... kindness, real love, humility, putting others first, reaching out to the lonely, forgiving... getting back to the basics. letting God take the lead for once.

here we go!