I don't know what my deal is, though. I talked to my kindred spirit the other day about it... it's almost like now that the business is over, I'm not giving as much -- all of the things I was pouring myself into have kind of faded out, and in combination with some little frustrations elsewhere, I'm just ready for something new. Furman feels like middle school -- it always has for me. Maybe my experience is unique, but college has felt like one series of cliques after another.
It's almost like we all have this love threshold.. we either need to give or get a certain amount, and when the balance is thrown off, we don't know what to do with ourselves.
I don't know what to do with myself.
I just don't like the cut-throat nature of college... I don't like the competition, the desparate need for attention, the pressure to look and act a certain way. It's overwhelming at Furman... especially during rush. The worst is when someone feels like they succeed, and they get so caught up in the joy of "making it" that they forget what they're all about. I've seen that more times than I'd like to think about ... in myself and in others ... and it's scary.
So why do I want to go to grad school? Seriously? :)
I'm just ready for something new... some place different than here. My trouble is that I keep looking for the same thing -- even the two labs that I'm deciding between for the summer are Furman-esque... probably even worse, actually. It's comfortable, but it's not right for me. I need to find some place that's right for me, even if it's not comfortable at first.
Maybe that's it -- maybe I'm just addicted to comfort. Maybe if I got over the idea that real life isn't comfortable, I'd feel a lot better.
I'll work on it. :)
One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.-Lucille Ball (stole this one from caitlyn -- perfect, no?)
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