so many thoughts..

Well, I leave for camp in less than 36 hours.

...and I've gone from excited to a tad terrified.

I don't know, I talked to my parents today about everything, and they kept telling me that this is a bad idea... my dad hasn't really supported it from the beginning. They don't like the idea of me living out of my car 3 days a week, nomadically "futon hopping" accross the upstate, etc. Understandable, I suppose.

I just really want to work at this camp.

Part of the appeal is that its all so new -- I'm a spontaneous person, I love surprises and trying to live moment to moment... so and a new camp, new people, new life for the summer... so appealing.

Another part is that working with people with disabilities is something I'm passionate about. It's hard to describe why -- I think that this year played a big part in it, though. I realized how much more joy comes from living a healthy, happy, God-centered life. I want to spend my life helping other people figure out how to do that for themselves, too. God's blessed me with a heart for this type of work -- it kind of takes me over soul, mind, and body. I rely on God more because I remember I don't have the answers. I stretch my mind more because I have to solve probelms in new ways. It's a celebration of the abilities of the body -- sometimes realizing what we lack puts into perspective the perfection of God.

This summer will be perfect.

So what am I so afraid of? A big part of it is the counselors... which I know is the dumbest thing EVER. I just haven't been the "new kid" in awhile -- even entering college.. I had my best friend from high school by my side. This winter was the closest thing I've ever come to really starting a new life... but even then parts of the old layered on the new.

Maybe the anxiety of meeting so many new people will help me take on the perspective of any nervous campers better -- Lord, may I identify with them and make them feel welcome :)

Okay.. what else. Missing out on summer in Charleston is going to be bittersweet -- I adore my friends from high school and will miss them dearly... but I will not miss the drama. At all. Although I hear camp has it's share, too. Anyways -- maybe absense will make the heart grow fonder :). I love writing letters and e-mails, and taking the time to think before I communicate saves my butt often. You can erase written words, not spoken ones. Selective terrets has always been my vice.

I'm also scared I'm just flat out not going to be able to keep my endurance up all summer (I blame my parents for this one...). Mom keeps saying how worried she is that I'm not going to have an escape... I won't sleep in my own room unless I'm home visiting. It's a little intimidating, but I'm sure I'll adjust. Besides, I want a challenge... I'm craving one. I'm not a competitive person when it comes to intrapersonal interractions... but I'm competitive when it comes to me trying to grow past something.

Besides, I'll have to find my rest in God.

So basically, this summer is shaping up to be yet another crazy growth opportunity. This year has been filled with those :).

Tomorrow will be a good final huzzah in Charleston. I get to go to Mass in my favorite city in America... I don't even know which church yet because there are two that hold my heart :). It will be a good time to calm down and focus before I leave Monday morning.

Tomorrow afternoon will be family time and packing. This brief time at home has flown by far too quickly... I think August will be my time to really focus on spending individual time with each of them. And packing? So far I've figured out what I'm brining and have bought all the things I needed to buy... and I got cute little bins to keep my letter writting / journaling / books and then hair stuff / face stuff in... but I spent more time taking a sharpie to them than putting things in them.

I really love sharpies.

No, okay... they each have a cute vintagey design on the lid - one floral, one candyland-esque... with a bunch of my favorite quotes all over the lids. My dad laughed at me, but I think he's just jealous he doesnt have my sweet sharpie skills.

Ha.

Tomorrow night is Jackie's graduation party -- I can't believe she's getting so old! It will be good to see the entire Charleston crew there, too... by entire, I mean entire. Nothing like a little goodbye-drama to seal out my 5 days home :). No, I'm kidding. I have faith in everyone that they can hold their tongues and behave for one night. Keeping them clear from alcohol would help, I'm sure.. but Lord knows that's not going to happen.

Then off I go... early Monday morning :) ... I'm going to try to head out early so I can return some stuff at a mall and get up to Greenville in time to find the camp (yeah, haven't even been there... maybe that's part of the problem) and be there at 3ish. Maybe stop at Furman first? Grab lunch with a friend? Not quite sure...

Okay, I'm going to try to put my clothes away before I go to bed... will make it much easier to pack in the morning. Camp packing is easy -- t-shirts and running shorts. It's that whole... what do I keep in my car for weekends thing?

Okay, eep! Nervous excitement! AAH!


“It is here, my daughters, that love is to be found... not hidden away in corners but in the midst of occasions of sin. And believe me, although we may more often fail and commit small lapses, our gain will be incomparably the greater.”
St. Teresa of Avila