the day i got stuff done

phew.

productivity kicks me in the butt. and i'm not used to this kind of productivity.. the sit-at-the-computer-and-file-things type.. but i love it. i love designing letterheads and organizing folders and color coding references and.. ::sigh::

but i really miss the hands-on productivity. i miss working harder by loving harder, if that makes any sense. no matter how fast i type, i love the same. camp wasn't the same way. my heart grew, rather than just my mind.

this summer has given me a lot of room for discernment.. job-wise, relationship-wise, self-wise... i've learned a thing or two.

so school-wise... i realized that i'm not set enough in my long-term goal to practice clinical psychology. i've got these little stinging interests that all center around psych, but don't quite delve into the middle of it. autism, for example... i would love to study autism until the cows come home. but i know that eventually, i'll discover something that makes me want to move, that makes me want to fight. i want a degree that lets me do that.

i sent one of the special ed professors at furman this looong e-mail about how my interests seem to nestle somehwere in the middle of health, psychology, business, and special ed... and how i want to work for the autism society, how i'd love to do some sort of practical application of a psych degree with a focus in developmental disabilities.. and she wrote back encouraging me to think about designing my own major. letting go of pysch a bit to try to pull in all of my other interests. she offered to help. she was excited about how passionate i am about this whole ordeal.

double-gulp.

so i've been researching.. page after page, school after school, trying to find a program that strikes my fancy... and i'm realizing that my interests nestle right into public health. to which i respond... huh?! public health? but it kind of makes sense... i want to be able to work one on one with extraordinary people, helping them live healthier, happier, more God-centered lives. but it could be that my strength lies in the other end of the deal.. preparing the community for such extraordinary people. i'd never thought of it like that. fighting for the population i've slowly fallen in love with.

so there it is.. my vocational crisis, on the table. it doesn't help that my course registration didn't go through and i no longer have one of my fall classes. i'm now rethinking 2/3 of my schedule (you couldn't pay me to drop my autism seminar...)... i'm just thinking. a lot. i mean, i'm kind of stranded at home, so it's kind of okay. and now's the time... it's time to "carpe the proverbial diem," as i like to say.

and i'm crafting. and picking out apartment stuff. i'm having fun, for sure... but it's all big stuff. figuring out my life, if you will.

i think i just need a day on a beach with a margarita bucket :)

no, but seriously... i devised the entire reference system this morning, came up with my own letterhead, coded, filed, planned... set my whole calendar up for the year, landed a few babysitting jobs for next week... i'm doin' alright.

cuz it's a great day to be alive,
i know the sun's still shinin' when i close my eyes
there are hard times in the neighborhood
but why can't every day be just this good...